On and Off

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Blank Stare, Jul 21, 2008.

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  1. Blank Stare

    Blank Stare Member

    Let me start off by saying that I am a male and have been struggling with food for a while now. I first started restricting about 4 years ago during a time when I felt I'd completely lost control of my life. I would go a meal without eating, then 2 meals, then a day, until I was able to go 3-4 days with minimal caloric intake. While this was going on I took up running and quickly became obsessed with it to the point of feeling depressed and guilty if I missed a run. Needless to say I lost a lot of weight. Since then I've binged & purged as well as restricted on and off.

    Fast forward to now. Tho I do not restrict as often I still do it for a day or two here and there and I still obsess over food, maybe more than ever. By obsess I mean constantly doing the math in my head, how many calories I've eaten, how big a serving I can have without exceeding my caloric expectations, subtracting the amount of calories I burned exercising from my total caloric intake and figuring out the difference. I'm continually making plans and goals for the next day as to how much I will eat (or not eat). I feel really self-conscious eating in front of others and therefore normally wait until I'm alone to eat. I maintain a normal weight but psychologically I feel like I just don't have a normal relationship with food and never will. Even right now I'm feeling guilty about a meal I ate an hour ago. Is it possible after suffering from an ED to view food in a normal healthy way ever again? To me, it seems like it's not. Thank you for reading.

    B
     
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    I think it's entirely possible to view food in a way you used to.
    I wouldn't say all the food intake calculations your doing is unhealthy but trying to be more laid back about it and not feel so guilty is something that perhaps you should try to mix in. Also mentally your possibly depriving yourself of enjoying food where as now it seems like a chore.
    Have you seen a doctor about this or spoken to someone.
     
  3. Blank Stare

    Blank Stare Member

    I was seeing a psychiatrist but I cut it off before we this far into my problems. I've thought about trying treatment again but I'm not sure.

    B
     
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