I made my obligatory Mother's Day phone call today. I wish I hadn't. My mother is in her 80s and her mental health has been declining. She has become a major source of anger, resentment and frustration for me. She keeps having delusions of her neighbors stealing her land, building on her land, breaking into her house to annoy her but never to take anything and every single time she trashes her SUV, it was someone else's fault. I get calls from lawyers and town officials telling me that she's going around making wild accusations against people. She spends thousands on lawyers who inevitably return most of it when they drop her case. BUT...
She keeps on top of her medications, cleans the house, bathes, does her own shopping and cooking and can present as normal unless you start her on one of her trigger subjects. So, nobody will help me with her. She's even been held for observation. Our county only offers the kinds of mental health services one can refuse or walk away from without resistance. They are as useless as t**s on a lawnmower.
Back to this morning. I can no longer handle talking to my mother. I have learned not to oppose her delusions. I've been accused of everything under the sun and been disowned so many times I've lost track. I just don't want to hear about them anymore. She keeps getting worse. I have so much else on my plate right now. My wife is a full-time job. Multiple Sclerosis has taken chunks of her mobility, memory and cognition. I can get no help with her either. I've taken an early retirement to care for her. My autistic sister will soon have to call me every day with her problems because our mother is losing her patience with her and her ability to juggle everything in her life.
Now here's the thing about all of this. When I get stressed out (which doesn't take much these days) it's my wife who suffers. I lose my temper with her and yell. I would never hurt her physically but every time I make her cry, I fall back into my maddening circle of wanting to die but not being able to die because I have to take care of the three most important women in my life. But they are the ones making my life unbearable.
OK, look, nobody can help me. I just needed to vent. Please don't offer helpful suggestions. Kind words will be accepted and appreciated, but just please don't try to help. I'm tired of people trying to help. It never works out. And trust me, I HAVE tried this and looked into that. The end result is me being HERE.
She keeps on top of her medications, cleans the house, bathes, does her own shopping and cooking and can present as normal unless you start her on one of her trigger subjects. So, nobody will help me with her. She's even been held for observation. Our county only offers the kinds of mental health services one can refuse or walk away from without resistance. They are as useless as t**s on a lawnmower.
Back to this morning. I can no longer handle talking to my mother. I have learned not to oppose her delusions. I've been accused of everything under the sun and been disowned so many times I've lost track. I just don't want to hear about them anymore. She keeps getting worse. I have so much else on my plate right now. My wife is a full-time job. Multiple Sclerosis has taken chunks of her mobility, memory and cognition. I can get no help with her either. I've taken an early retirement to care for her. My autistic sister will soon have to call me every day with her problems because our mother is losing her patience with her and her ability to juggle everything in her life.
Now here's the thing about all of this. When I get stressed out (which doesn't take much these days) it's my wife who suffers. I lose my temper with her and yell. I would never hurt her physically but every time I make her cry, I fall back into my maddening circle of wanting to die but not being able to die because I have to take care of the three most important women in my life. But they are the ones making my life unbearable.
OK, look, nobody can help me. I just needed to vent. Please don't offer helpful suggestions. Kind words will be accepted and appreciated, but just please don't try to help. I'm tired of people trying to help. It never works out. And trust me, I HAVE tried this and looked into that. The end result is me being HERE.