on the brink

[cjbros73]

Not sure how to start or what to say, I was a normal functioning person up to the age of 29 when I had a break down, I am now 32 and the last 4 yrs have been a hard road to climb, and I have been doing so well the last 12 mths or more, but the things life keeps throwing at me over the last 6 mths I have handle, but they just keep coming at me, we had joint custody of my niece and nephew up until 2 weeks ago, they come from a neglected background where alchol is more important in there fathers life, then paying for food and such things, so for the last 3 yrs we have been having them a number of days a week and school holidays, this all changed 2 weeks ago, when my brother turned up at my house in a drunken rage, accusing me of all sorts of things, and taking the kids away. It is such a complex situation and there is too many details to go into, but my nieces mother came and toook her back to her place which is 5 hrs away from us, and where the mothers boyfriend sexually assualt my niece. I have spoken with the professionals and rung family services to raise my concerns, and they said they would sent someone out, but basically it was my heresay and there is nothing they can do. My brother still has my nephew, but he will not let us see him or have anything to do with him, so those 2 kids are baiscally on there own now with no security or any basic needs of life, I have been like there mother for the last 3 ys and to have them taken away, is hurting so much, as I said it so much more complex and so many more details I cannot go into, but I know I will not see them again, and this is just the straw that broke the camel backs, I have had enough, this that is happening relates back to my past so much and what has happened to me, it is just sending me over the brink, and I do not want to fight it anymore, I have had enough, and I know suicide is not the answer, but I do not want to live like this anymore, fighting this illness, because it is a battle never going to be won, and I have another 60 yrs or so left of this life, and I do not want to be battling it for the rest of my life, I have had enough, I do not know what to do, but all I think about at present 24/7 is how I am going to do it, and planning it all out in my head, I have even made a suicide box, for those left behind, letters and what I want at my funeral, it is just the carrying out of the act, I do not know I really don't

 

[paulj]

i feel very sad to read this.

i hope u change your mind.

i feel sad to think u will be gone forever.

u seem like a caring person. and the world needs more pple like that

pj