I finally talked to a psychiatrist and she said I might be having early onset of paranoid schizophrenia. I had this constant fear that people are going to prosecute me, or even kill me. Especially after my online shop got 'robbed' and I had to return my customer's money. It got worse for the last 3 months that I avoided all of my friends, both online and IRL, thinking they're hating and plotting against me. I never stepped outside my home, or logged in to some websites where I was quite popular. There's this one guy who are quite persistent to meet me. He was a former hikikomori (shut-in) and as another hikikomori, I used to talk about my problems to him. Last month he called my mom, but mom told him that I was still not ready to meet people. He waited for 2 weeks, then he knocked on my door. I opened it but upon seeing his face I immediately closed the door and locked it, then locked myself up in my bedroom. Mom then talked to him. He visited me again 2-3 times but I still refused. Quite funnily mom commented that the guy seemed to have a crush on me. He didn't try to monitor me and reported my condition to other people like I suspected; he genuinely missed me, or at least that's what my mom said. See, this paranoia had ruined my social life, and probably my whole life. I used to have lots of friends. Some people even created my own fanclub. But now I live in fear, alone, secluded. I started hearing weird voices again, which I fist heard almost 10 years ago: a group of people laughing, yelling at me. If I tried to cover my ears with a pillow, I'd hear someone scream right from the pillow. It's a nightmare. I'm even afraid of sleeping, because I keep having vivid weird dreams. I also became suicidal. Since October I had attempted to poison myself twice. But the dose wasn't enough to actually kill me. I just got hospitalized. Is there anyone else diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia? What do you do to improve your mental health? I can't afford therapy or medication. I'm also worried if mom found out. She's already mortified when I was diagnosed with Asperger 4 years ago. I just hope she won't disown me or lock me up forever.