Ideas & Opinions parenting, no judgement allowed, this gig is hard enough

[Astrid78]

4 will be ready for grade k next week i think, still have assessments to finish up.Hes doing very well and points at some words like bus and says them. He knows his colors, numbers, letters and shapes.
6 will be finished with grade k this week. I've already moved her up to grade 1 curriculum.
8 has turned 9. I asked her how she was feeling about school, she stated she hated it all except for science. I've noticed this so we talked about it and I found an online curriculum that allows me to pick and choose topics. I've chosen science and math, andsocial studies just because I'm paying for it, and she liked the program review we watched together.
I also have an offline curriculum that will meet the other standards and not be overly torturous for her.
All three have online and offline work to do, they also have homework. It's the law.
None of this has been overly hard, even with the depression and suicidality, even with financial difficulties. While things are better now, during the worst I provided the bare minimum of schooling yet they are still on track. H.S. gets a bad rap and motherhood is glorified, yet it's really not all that hard.

 

[Astrid78]

19 keeps contacting me to tell me why he isn't contacting me...it's what I thought, he is listening to his older half brother who was taught by his mother to hate their father. I taught my son not to confuse his rightful anger for hatred and to not let it eat him alive and cause him to be bitter.
So of course I'm the bad guy. I hate this selfish western world. Newsflash, calling someone abusive or toxic because they don't do what you want is being abusive and toxic. People can hate on me all they want. It's only because they are trying to reduce me into their own selfish selves.
Thankful for the dv hotline.

 

[KM76710]

19 keeps contacting me to tell me why he isn't contacting me...it's what I thought, he is listening to his older half brother who was taught by his mother to hate their father. I taught my son not to confuse his rightful anger for hatred and to not let it eat him alive and cause him to be bitter.
So of course I'm the bad guy. I hate this selfish western world. Newsflash, calling someone abusive or toxic because they don't do what you want is being abusive and toxic. People can hate on me all they want. It's only because they are trying to reduce me into their own selfish selves.
Thankful for the dv hotline.

You are absolutely correct about the entitlement/Karen/Ken whatever you call it attitude with many. The surprise to me is they can't give any intelligent reason why I would care in the first place why I would even think about what they want or to cater to them. If you are not a part of my life, you are not my responsibility in the least and I have zero obligations about you.

 

[Astrid78]

You are absolutely correct about the entitlement/Karen/Ken whatever you call it attitude with many. The surprise to me is they can't give any intelligent reason why I would care in the first place why I would even think about what they want or to cater to them. If you are not a part of my life, you are not my responsibility in the least and I have zero obligations about you.

He is mad cause I still shop at the store he works at. Like I'm supposed to drive further away because he wants to avoid me?
When I told him how his absence is effecting his young siblings he called me abusive. How is that abusive? His brother texted him to "fuck" me. That I shouldn't "put that on" him
So he should be able to hurt and abandon them and get off scot free? As his mother, I think not. It's love to tell someone when they are acting mean and hurtful.
And I don't think its abusive or toxic for me to tell him how his actions affect them. Certainly not when he is contacting me first.
I tried so hard, therapy for 5 yrs, with the same person,mostly focused on improving parenting. I took classes. Studied child psychology and social work. He wasn't abused or neglected. Dinner at the table every night. I listened to him. Always. Tucked him in bed every night. Read him books. Always put him first, no revolving door of men. No drug or drinking lifestyle. Found him good role models. Never expected in return, no pressures to "give me grandkids" or take care of me when im old. Everything you're supposed to do. And for what? Sorry...I'm just hurt and rambling.

 

[seabird]

hugs @Astrid78

You likely know all the things i'm saying but I guess I want to express it. You're on solid ground: he is not at least not yet. You acted straight from love, and that is often risky and hard work. He's gotta find his own ground, despite what is a push pull of emotion inside of him. He might mot be aware of how childish his reactions are. Maybe someday he will get it.

 

[Astrid78]

hugs @Astrid78

You likely know all the things i'm saying but I guess I want to express it. You're on solid ground: he is not at least not yet. You acted straight from love, and that is often risky and hard work. He's gotta find his own ground, despite what is a push pull of emotion inside of him. He might mot be aware of how childish his reactions are. Maybe someday he will get it.

Thanks seabird. It helps.

 

[Astrid78]

Took the kids daycamping two days in a row. It was a great time and we are excited to do it again. The went into the water even though it's still too cold. They wanted to walk farther out so I had to get in and stayed fully clothed lol
They are begging to do overnight camping even though we will have to sleep in the truck.
It amazes me that me my generation was raised without parental supervision. I could never let my kids camp in our yard or sleep in a tent away from me lol. We ran the roads and our parents never knew where we were at, I freak out if I can't immediately spot them at the park.

 

[Astrid78]

Going overnight camping in a few days, I'm a list maker and printed out a few lists to help me organize and prepare. Even just two nights is a lot. While I've been camping and enjoy it, I've never taken the kids by myself.
The daycamping was super fun and relaxing, but it's against the law to have fires on the beach so we are really excited for a chance to do this. We didn't have much fun last few summers due to depression so this summer should be extra lol

 

[seabird]

Lists are essential tools imho. Best to you @Astrid78 for doing what is a pretty intense challenge, even when there are more than 1 grown-ups involved. I only every took my 2 camping when it was combined with their friend, and the parents. So we could take turns watching the wee wild beasts. Great memories. I hope you have a wonderful time of it. 🌲🌳🌄

 

[Lifeisthis]

You are a good mother astrid I hope you have a nice relaxing fun time

 

[Astrid78]

You are a good mother astrid I hope you have a nice relaxing fun time

Thanks, it was a great time!

 

[Astrid78]

Lists are essential tools imho. Best to you @Astrid78 for doing what is a pretty intense challenge, even when there are more than 1 grown-ups involved. I only every took my 2 camping when it was combined with their friend, and the parents. So we could take turns watching the wee wild beasts. Great memories. I hope you have a wonderful time of it. 🌲🌳🌄

While I've been camping it was always as a tag along, I'm glad we were only 10 mins from home, I still forgot stuff or didn't take enough lol. It was really fun though, despite sleeping in the vehicle.

 

[seabird]

You did it. 🌲🌄
I hope you got to sleep. I remember during a severe thunderstorm during a camping trip, retreating to sleep in our old van with my 2 little ones. ha ha they went right to sleep despint the noise, I was not so lucky. Yay for coffee in the morning.
Happy day to you @Astrid78 🤗

 

[KM76710]

While I've been camping it was always as a tag along, I'm glad we were only 10 mins from home, I still forgot stuff or didn't take enough lol. It was really fun though, despite sleeping in the vehicle.

That is like the definition of camping. When you spend time and money to live like a homeless person. I am glad it was close to home so you could always go back for what you needed and that you did enjoy it.

 

[Astrid78]

You did it. 🌲🌄
I hope you got to sleep. I remember during a severe thunderstorm during a camping trip, retreating to sleep in our old van with my 2 little ones. ha ha they went right to sleep despint the noise, I was not so lucky. Yay for coffee in the morning.
Happy day to you @Astrid78 🤗

Don't you just love how kids can sleep through anything? Sleeping in a vehicle as a grown up sucks ass lol
How funny though, in that it rained for us too except my dumb self left the wood out to get soaked...I woke up like oh hell no, drove home to make coffee, cleaned the cat box.
Thanks for sharing your experiences, sometimes it's nice to just chat.

 

[Astrid78]

That is like the definition of camping. When you spend time and money to live like a homeless person. I am glad it was close to home so you could always go back for what you needed and that you did enjoy it.

Thats an expensive homeless experience
4 kept saying "this is real camping mama?" 9 did notice we were the only ones without a tent or camper 😆
Thanks for taking the time to reply

 

[Astrid78]

There was a time I would have been too afraid to camp with 3 young children. While I got a little spooked a few times, afraid there would be trouble, for most part I felt safe and not at all paranoid about things in the dark. Worked through it somehow.
When I had my first at 23 her bio dad wanted nothing to do with her. I was alone and would sleep with her on my chest, in the bathtub, locked in the bathroom. With the cordless phone.
It took a lot to get over being so afraid all the time, especially as an adult and no one really takes it seriously.