Parents... Please Help!!!!

[~Tosh~]

My little girl is 1 going on 2, and at the minute, meal times are becoming a war... she wont eat anything... :sad:

ive tried eating the same thing at the same time as her and giving her things she likes to eat, but all she does is scream each time i put a meal in front of her and its getting depressing :sad:

If any parent could give me advice, i would be greatful, this cant continue.. she only weighs 19lbs (8kg) as it is.. :mellow:

Thanks

x

 

[cownes]

im no parent, but why not check out this link http://www.takeabreak.co.uk/chums4mums you may find it useful, or you could find another forum, specifically aimed at parents with young children, im sure alot of parents have been through it with there own children, you wount be alone with this :hug:

 

[Axiom]

Im not a parent, but ive had to look after young ones. Making it into a game of sorts works, classic train game

How many months old is your daughter?

 

[total eclipse]

This age is a hard one. Buy her own special spoon own little dishes make it like a picnic time. Let her help when setting the table gives her a good feeling herself. My pediatrician said not to worry don't make it something negative if she won't eat she won't when she gets hungry she will. Pediasure drink has all nutrients in it if you can get her to drink that. Also finger foods are great food she can eat with her hands makes her feel independant to chicken nuggets fish fingers I use to make faces out of the food or shapes of rabbits etc. A game to them Don't make it into a time of frustration as it will only get her hating eating time. set it in front of her and let her go She will eventually come around
Take care

 

[Hazel]

I agree with violet, don't make meal times an issue. Put her food in front of her and let her eat/not eat at her own pace. I see you have tried eating at the same time which is good. Don't force her her to eat, I promise she won't starve! Is she happy enough to drink?
Perhaps have your daughter checked over by your family doctor just to ensure there is nothing for example mouth ulcers which would make it painful for her to eat.
Also only offer food at mealtimes, don't give her anything to eat in-between, that way she will be hungry for her meal, obviously give her frequent drinks, does she drink milk for you?
Can't think of anything else at the moment, I'm a mum and also a paediatric nurse so pm me if you want a chat.

Hazel

 

[~Tosh~]

Thanks, Violet she has her own plates and spoons and feeds herself. She suffers chronic constipation but drinks loads of fluids so i dont know why this is happening. she's had blood tests but they came back clear :sad:

 

[Spirit Wing]

i have three littles and i agree wholeheartedly with not making meals or food an issue. a child will never (unless there is a serious medical problem but it seems you have that covered) starve itself. as long as you remain calm, so will she.

the rules in my house (not saying it will work for anyone else tho), is that breakfast is a free-for-all. eat as much fruit, cereal and other breakfasty things there are available until 12 o'clock. lunch is optional, snacks are healthy and in moderate portions - until 5. then you wait for dinner. your choice whether you want to eat it or not, but know that there's nothing else available until breakfast again... i make sure it's available, but the choice is then the child's. and a child will usually opt to feed the stomach no matter what you give them...

also remember that we don't always need the same amount of food every day. perhaps she's already getting her fill of nutrients elsewhere? what and how much is she drinking?

 

[~Tosh~]

im not always with her, i work for the coastguard, im only 20 myself, and i hardly see her... :sad: im trying my best with her she just refuses to eat. the only thing she does eat and thats toast (1 slice) first thing on a morning. its draining

 

[Spirit Wing]

perhaps you should ask her caregiver what her eating habits are like and then work with them to set up a routine you can both monitor...

it must be very frustrating to not see her as much as you'd like, but you are still the mother and you can still monitor and control her care to a certain extent, even if a little remotely at times...

 

[~Tosh~]

she says she's fine at eating with her... must just be me :sad:

 

[Spirit Wing]

no, it's not just you. perhaps she gets enough to eat during the day. maybe ask your caregiver to feed her a little less - or restrict her bottles in the afternoon after lunch.

your daughter is still very egocentric and will be for many years still. it's not you! it's every little devil child out there (LOL!). she doesn't see you and think 'here's that horrible mean mommy with issues and who leaves me alone all the time' (yeah i still get that feeling with mine sometimes *sigh*), but she's more likely thinking 'i'm full, i'm tired, i want a hug, i don't want to be in this chair anymore'.

you've heard of 'purple hour', right? those nasty hours just before bedtime where every little child turns into a complete monster and cries for anything and nothing satisfies them... a few hours later, they're the sweetest little angels fast asleep... it _is_ exhausting. and it sounds like you mostly get to see her during this time. this is every working woman's burden to bear and i'm sorry you are too...

there are a few ways to deal with this, but the most important thing to not only make your daughter feel better, but make it easier for yourself.

depending on your times and schedules you could maybe have her fed her evening meal before you get home. that way, you can spend the short time you have with her, relaxing over the bath and playing instead of fighting to feed her when she's tired.

or have her fed less (this includes bottles/juice) during the afternoon so when you get home, she's starving and you can just be the source of all that yummy food she can't wait to be shovelled into her mouth... nothing wrong with playing a little hero-act now and again

what do you think?

 

[~Tosh~]

i work 12 hour shifts. i get up, dont see her, go to work, by the time im home she's in bed :cry:

 

[Spirit Wing]

ah so maybe just concentrate on having fun with her instead. if she's eating fine with the caregiver, then one or two missed meals when you're home won't harm her. just keep the line of communication open with the person who feeds her if you're concerned about your daughter's weight (i honestly can't remember what is considered 'ideal' for that age. all three of my kids were different).

other than that, you really should not blame yourself. as i said, all kids at that age are egocentric - the world really disappears when they close their eyes and everyone comes alive again when they open, just for their entertainment and provision...

it's rough when your child can do nothing but scream at you especially when you see them so little. just try and remain calm, have fun with her or engage in activities you both enjoy when you are together. don't try to be perfect - no parent is. but if you stress about it too much while you're around her, she'll pick up on it and she will let you know she's uncomfortable with it. and often it's not in the nicest way either...

it's draining, i know, and demoralising. but hang on. kids have a tendency to grow up in spite of our feelings/issues/thoughts on the matter... one day soon enough she'll be able to interact with you and tell you how she feels. for now, it's mostly just a mush of 'food, sleep, comfort, me, me, me'... lol.

you'll be okay and your child does not hate you. and you're not the only mom to feel that way. being a mom - and especially a mom working such long hours - is the toughest job in the world. suck on that mr oil rigger and mr multi-corp exec... :P

have you considered a different job - or at least changing your hours? is this a possibility? and if i may ask, is the baby's father around?

 

[~Tosh~]

i quit my coastguard job on march 7th. dad isnt around no

 

[Spirit Wing]

do you have another job / income lined up for after that? i'm sure you'll find easier hours will help...

 

[~Tosh~]

nope not yet, im looking though. i finally got her in her highchair to eat yesterday..

 

[Bubble]

so some people have mentioned not making big deal out of meal times etc. All good points! Shes almost 2, if shes hungry SHE WILL EAT!!! young children hate hungry bellies thats why they get so grumpy.
How many bottles is she having a day? If she is having too many she isnt going to want to eat because her little belly will be full, My twins have 2 bottles a day (when they wake and at night) and they're 17mths but some children require 3. You can always lower her bottles too, but make sure you are giving one to her after her dinner so she eats first.
Also is she teething? when toddlers are teething they go off their food big time because it hurts. Try teething gel or get a doctor to have a look.

 

[~Tosh~]

emma doesnt have bottles of milk, only juice and even thats limited. i only give her cows milk if she refuses to eat at tea time. she has all her teeth so, thats not it