Hey guys, I went to my parents' place for Easter and it was mostly a nightmare. We always end up fighting. This time somehow worse. They fight constantly between them and involve me in their fights plus conflicts arise between me and mostly my mother. I go to their place for two reasons: 1. because they are getting old and unable to take care of their house properly so I help them (they are hoarders but through my significant help and effort I prevent it from getting completely out of hand and unmanageable), 2. because there are some nice moments (but those very small portion of time) and I unfortunately keep on chasing the illusion of having a somewhat normal functioning family. I need to abandon that and reduce the time I spend there, but then it is hard to leave them to their fate... Also what makes me quite angry - my parents live in a small village where people know each other and they have some friends and acquaintances and they create the illusion of being normal and even very nice people on the outside. So basically no one knows what they are really like and what I have to deal with with them. Somehow it feels unfair. Now I ended up with a flu and I think it is from all the stress I had to deal with them these past days. Also reminds of the horrible time when I still lived with them for big part of my life.
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Parents
- Thread starter Marga
- Start date
Hee Marga,
Thank you for sharing this. That sounds so terrible…
You know, I really sympathize with you. I don’t believe in coincidences. Today I told someone for the first time about the fights my parents had when I lived with them. And how it affected me. And that person happened to be my therapist. I never told someone truthfully what happened. It was very painful. And it got me really mad as well. And yes, they also pretended to the outside world like nothing happened. But every single day they were fighting and yelling! So I say this, because…well…I don’t know…I get the feeling. About not choosing this…
And that is true. You didn’t choose their behavior. They did!
It’s difficult right. I hear you…
Thank you for sharing this. That sounds so terrible…
You know, I really sympathize with you. I don’t believe in coincidences. Today I told someone for the first time about the fights my parents had when I lived with them. And how it affected me. And that person happened to be my therapist. I never told someone truthfully what happened. It was very painful. And it got me really mad as well. And yes, they also pretended to the outside world like nothing happened. But every single day they were fighting and yelling! So I say this, because…well…I don’t know…I get the feeling. About not choosing this…
And that is true. You didn’t choose their behavior. They did!
It’s difficult right. I hear you…
Hee Marga,
Thank you for sharing this. That sounds so terrible…
You know, I really sympathize with you. I don’t believe in coincidences. Today I told someone for the first time about the fights my parents had when I lived with them. And how it affected me. And that person happened to be my therapist. I never told someone truthfully what happened. It was very painful. And it got me really mad as well. And yes, they also pretended to the outside world like nothing happened. But every single day they were fighting and yelling! So I say this, because…well…I don’t know…I get the feeling. About not choosing this…
And that is true. You didn’t choose their behavior. They did!
It’s difficult right. I hear you…
Thank you for sharing this. That sounds so terrible…
You know, I really sympathize with you. I don’t believe in coincidences. Today I told someone for the first time about the fights my parents had when I lived with them. And how it affected me. And that person happened to be my therapist. I never told someone truthfully what happened. It was very painful. And it got me really mad as well. And yes, they also pretended to the outside world like nothing happened. But every single day they were fighting and yelling! So I say this, because…well…I don’t know…I get the feeling. About not choosing this…
And that is true. You didn’t choose their behavior. They did!
It’s difficult right. I hear you…
Marga
I think the number of normal functioning families are pretty low. Most of us don't realize that something is wrong until we leave home, and when we go back it is just a slap in the face to see how bad it is. But when I talk to other people - I hear about lots of dysfunctional stuff in families. Some are worse than others.
I was in my thirties when I told my parents that I hated staying overnight in their home because they fight all the time. They denied that they ever fight with each other, even though they fought constantly! After my father died my mother still picked on me... I think she missed the fighting.
I appreciate that you do what you can to help them. But get as much space as you need to maintain your mental health. Its doubtful that they will change at this point. Take care of yourself first of all.
Alice
I think the number of normal functioning families are pretty low. Most of us don't realize that something is wrong until we leave home, and when we go back it is just a slap in the face to see how bad it is. But when I talk to other people - I hear about lots of dysfunctional stuff in families. Some are worse than others.
I was in my thirties when I told my parents that I hated staying overnight in their home because they fight all the time. They denied that they ever fight with each other, even though they fought constantly! After my father died my mother still picked on me... I think she missed the fighting.
I appreciate that you do what you can to help them. But get as much space as you need to maintain your mental health. Its doubtful that they will change at this point. Take care of yourself first of all.
Alice