Past regrets of being ****ed up and pervy

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by lonerinlife, Jan 16, 2009.

  1. lonerinlife

    lonerinlife Member

    It's nothing I'm proud of to talk about.... But I feel I need some advice, badly. My past when I was a young age 15-16, I had been getting into sexuality, and found a nice depression KILLER to boot, my first highs on unmentionables... It wasn't a good mix for me, I couldn't help but be a perv to more than a few women, even online, and nowadays I deeply regret what I did. I know it effected what people thought of me, and some of it is permanent... I feel like such a creep, and I was... I even got made fun of by a couple in the past. I quit the drugs, and have looked into myself and Buddhism to help me gain wisdom and maturity... I have not been sexual with another woman other than past ex girlfriends since, which encouraged it when it came to them..I am 19 now. How do I get over this. I wish I could apologize to them in person, but all I do not have ability to contact and say my sorries... and I don't think they'd care to hear that I was a perv while using ***** and im truly sorry for what I did. Ahh regrets... If only people could understand how much I've changed and am still improving.
     
  2. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    welcome to SF... i think you need for forgive yourself... you are beating yourself up here over something you did when you were wasted. since then you stopped the drugs and did a lot of soul searching it sounds like... that is brave. why are you beating yourself up? we all make mistakes, its how we grow.. maybe without those experiences you would not have found buddhism? just a thought?

    :)
     
  3. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    The Buddha teaches us how we can transform our minds and become compassionate to all things. That includes being compassionate to ourselves. We all make mistakes in life. That's a part of being a human being. Learn the lessons from those mistakes and move on. Best wishes.
     
  4. lonerinlife

    lonerinlife Member

    Thank you both of you. I had the same thought in my mind, it's rather the fact that I feel mass regret. I had thought I've been over it over and over, but the feeling randomly occurs, especially when anxiety and depression hits.
     
  5. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    do you chant or do japa? that can really still the mind
     
  6. jam1e

    jam1e Guest

    I disagree. You have done wrong, and although you may have made changes to your life, you still owe the people you have hurt an apology! But you have to be realistic. If you live miles from the person you hurt, then that is not realistic, so it is better to just move on.

    You do not say what "wrongs" you have done people?
     
  7. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    We are all works in progress. The fact that you have experienced regret shows you are now thinking about your actions. That is a positive move forward. If reparations can be made then it's good to do so but don't allow your regret to hold you down. Realize the consequences of your actions and become wiser for that realization. :smile:
     
  8. lonerinlife

    lonerinlife Member

    That is how I think most of the time snow. But, I do feel the wrongs in which I've done, and am being very logical with how I'd like to makeup for what I have done. Unfortunately, I cannot get into contact like I have mentioned earlier. If there was ever a moment I had the chance to apologize I would do it without a doubt. I must mention that I did not HURT anyone physically, most being verbally, some through the web... and I know for a fact I have never devastated someone with my comments to the point of hurting them emotionally or mentally. It was the simple fact I was being a dick, with it being on my mind. They got frustrated, that is all. I do not enjoy being looked at as that sort of guy, luckily for future reference I have everything under control. It's just the past.. sigh.
     
  9. lonerinlife

    lonerinlife Member

    I do not say what wrongs? What do you mean?
     
  10. lonerinlife

    lonerinlife Member

    I very occasionally will meditate. I am not very good at it yet. But I will make sure to practice.
     
  11. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    i have practiced the sickest perversion of them all, celibacy. if anyone's a sick pervert its me.
     
  12. jam1e

    jam1e Guest

    You have already mentioned it, i meant physically or mentally. :smile: