Internally I stew, as have for 'decades', actual wrongdoings of mine into planned outbursts superfluously confessing a shortcoming of mine or lamenting a worldly injustice.
Unfortunately so many of these - not all, at least, but many - are performative. Desperate bids for being seen as a good person instead of the true contrition I owe or true woe about an unjust world.
I would like to go into more detail, but right now I just can't. And opening up, I shouldn't. I started to bubble with one of these "look at mi, I'm so self-aware, please esteem and pity mi!" tantrum plans. I'm writing this post now, if nowhy else, to throw a wrench in that temptation-indulgence.
This isn't to say that I don't want to open up about flaws of mine or anguishes about the world. I do. But not with ugly, petty, self-absorbed motivation like I'm feeling now.
Unfortunately so many of these - not all, at least, but many - are performative. Desperate bids for being seen as a good person instead of the true contrition I owe or true woe about an unjust world.
I would like to go into more detail, but right now I just can't. And opening up, I shouldn't. I started to bubble with one of these "look at mi, I'm so self-aware, please esteem and pity mi!" tantrum plans. I'm writing this post now, if nowhy else, to throw a wrench in that temptation-indulgence.
This isn't to say that I don't want to open up about flaws of mine or anguishes about the world. I do. But not with ugly, petty, self-absorbed motivation like I'm feeling now.