Personal question about sex and depression

[petrapige]

Sorry if this post is way out of line.

Mental health ups and downs do some weird things to my sex drive. The first time I had a really, really bad anxiety and was depressed I was insatiable, I slept with a two digit amount of men within sex months. Most of them were just random hookups (always safe and used protection) and it mostly felt like I was using random sex with random people to fill the void, and a desperate attempt to feel something or feel connected with someone else (didn't work, surprise).

This time, which I consider my second massive breakdown, I just have no interest in sexual things whatsoever. I could watch the sexiest movie ever and I doubt I would feel anything at all. I haven't had sex in months and I barely even masturbate anymore. I know it's normal to feel like that, but I hate it and it contributes to making me feel like I am not myself anymore. Obviously this is an activity that I used to enjoy very much, but now just the thought of having any kind of intimate contact with a man kind of grosses me out and gives me the creeps..?

I don't even know if this is a question, but I hope someone can relate or tell me something soothing.

 

[Sunspots]

Hey @petrapige

I can relate to that. It seems to be all or nothing with me too. Meds can affect sex drive so possibly something to do with that? My husband and I didn't have sex for three years until last summer when my meds changed. Now the poor man is scared to come to bed

Just go with the flow, do (or not do) whatever feels right for you at that moment.

 

[gypsylee]

Sorry if this post is way out of line.

Mental health ups and downs do some weird things to my sex drive. The first time I had a really, really bad anxiety and was depressed I was insatiable, I slept with a two digit amount of men within sex months. Most of them were just random hookups (always safe and used protection) and it mostly felt like I was using random sex with random people to fill the void, and a desperate attempt to feel something or feel connected with someone else (didn't work, surprise).

This time, which I consider my second massive breakdown, I just have no interest in sexual things whatsoever. I could watch the sexiest movie ever and I doubt I would feel anything at all. I haven't had sex in months and I barely even masturbate anymore. I know it's normal to feel like that, but I hate it and it contributes to making me feel like I am not myself anymore. Obviously this is an activity that I used to enjoy very much, but now just the thought of having any kind of intimate contact with a man kind of grosses me out and gives me the creeps..?

I don't even know if this is a question, but I hope someone can relate or tell me something soothing.

Hey @petrapige

I was always pretty disinterested in it, apart from my constant attempts to get love from men. The sex wasn't really appealing to me other than as a way to get close to someone.

That's changing now I'm in my mid-40s.. It's freaking me out a bit and I'm like "OMG this is what guys feel like!" hahaha.

So I can't relate to your experience or tell you anything soothing sorry. But women's sexuality is pretty messed-up so I figure any discussion about it is productive.

Hope you get some answers..

Gypsy x

 

[gypsylee]

Now the poor man is scared to come to bed

LOL

 

[OfLoveAndDeath]

I'll preface this by saying that I'm probably younger than you (18) so I've had much less life experience, and by saying that I've never had sex.
Before I was depressed I wanted sex a fairly normal amount but since I became depressed my desire for sex has gone up tenfold, I've become very lustful(as a substitute for the word horny because I hate the word). So I think to some extent depression can affect sex drive, but I know very little about medical science, especially in that regard.

I suppose to some extent it might also depend on what you view sex as and why you enjoy it. For example, I view sex as an act of love and physical way of telling someone that you love them rather than an act of lust. And I (would) enjoy it because of the emotional connection and being able to please the person I was doing it with. So I want it more now because of how isolated and lonely I've become. (Sorry if it seems like I'm hijacking this post and making it all about me, That isn't my intention)

So if you think of sex as a way to fill the void and you just enjoy the physical feeling of it, then it's possible that your in your most recent breakdown that your body no longer sees it as a way to fill the void, and possibly wants something else to fill that void. I'm no medical professional or anything even remotely close but that's just my view/theory, not sure if it was a helpful contribution though
-Rose

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I have never had much of a drive, but I've been depressed for about 2 decades now. I think the older I get, the less I feel any desire for anything. I'm not sure if that will change someday but it doesn't affect me too much.

 

[Harmony]

My hormones are all over the freakin place so l tend to feel like you in that I go from one extreme to another at times. It's become my norm and I'm ok with it and my SO seems to have no issues. That said everyone has a different pattern due to many differing factors so to me there really is no "normal" and it's more about what you are comfortable with than anything else.

 

[Mercedesgirl]

I have always been in toxic relationships/marriages so dont have a good perspective of them and I often think aboout things that people do/dont do in 'normal' relationships. I try to ask people but they arent always happy to explain, so hope you guys can maybe help me.

I can understand that depression and meds can have an effect on libido, if this is the case how do you avoid being intimate when you are in a relationship for such a long time?

 

[Walker]

I'm not chiming in further on what the others have already said - clearly you feel how you feel & whatever that is, is normal and ok for you.
What strikes me is that you say that the thought of contact gives you the creeps. I would hope that would change when you get back into someone. You've got no real "reason" to feel anything right now but I'd hope you'll be past that point when suddenly faced with the opportunity. Maybe it'll all come back is what I'm saying.
All in all, no point in worrying about it. Not much you can do, right?

 

[Sunspots]

how do you avoid being intimate when you are in a relationship for such a long time?

For me it was a very gradual thing. I became more and more withdrawn from the relationship over a number of years until it just got to the point where it stopped all together. Neither of us questioned it, it was just how it was. It wasn't until after my suicide attempt last year and I felt such a desperate need to be close to someone that I did something about it. And it was like "oh wow! I remember this and it's pretty good"

As others have said, for me it's not so much about the actual sex it's about feeling closer to him than I have for years.

 

[MagickLynx]

Sorry if this post is way out of line.

Mental health ups and downs do some weird things to my sex drive. The first time I had a really, really bad anxiety and was depressed I was insatiable, I slept with a two digit amount of men within sex months. Most of them were just random hookups (always safe and used protection) and it mostly felt like I was using random sex with random people to fill the void, and a desperate attempt to feel something or feel connected with someone else (didn't work, surprise).

This time, which I consider my second massive breakdown, I just have no interest in sexual things whatsoever. I could watch the sexiest movie ever and I doubt I would feel anything at all. I haven't had sex in months and I barely even masturbate anymore. I know it's normal to feel like that, but I hate it and it contributes to making me feel like I am not myself anymore. Obviously this is an activity that I used to enjoy very much, but now just the thought of having any kind of intimate contact with a man kind of grosses me out and gives me the creeps..?

I don't even know if this is a question, but I hope someone can relate or tell me something soothing.

I think it's normal for it to wax and wane, I wouldn't worry about it as I wasn't interested for a long time, then was, then wasn't again.. I just see that as normal now, it always comes back

 

[Mercedesgirl]

I never enjoyed it in my relationships, I dreaded it tbh, but now its on my mind all the time. I suppose people will say, its because you dont have it so you crave it, but I never craved it I hated it. Someone talks about anything and I can turn it around to mean something sexual and its great with some people but others dont like it and it has caused arguments with my friend because I think they must be having sex all the time, but they say I live in fairytale land because its not like that irl! The i feel stupid because ive neve been in a 'normal' relationship.

 

[petrapige]

Thanks everyone I think it's super interesting to hear about your experiences, I rarely hear anyone talk about this. I'm pretty sure it will come back eventually (no pun intended..) hopefully.
@OfLoveAndDeath I am not that much older than you, only a few years