Planning for the end

[enigma.planning]

I'm just posting to find out if anyone out there feels the same as I do. First let me say that I am going to commit suicide and there is nothing you can do to sway my feelings on this.

Basically, I'm just tired of life, tired of the constant struggle. I used to have things to live for but now they're gone. So now I'm planning to take my life. I've done a lot of research and have found a painless method to do it. And I'm going to have my computer send out an email detailing the location of my body after it is done. I'll give myself a day or two before the email is sent that way if something goes wrong I can stop it. I'm not going to do it today or tomorrow or even next week. Since I have a good amount of money saved up, I'm planning on just having fun for the next few months and then when I get down to about $10k in my bank account I'm going to do it.

It seems like that most people I read about don't plan this they just do it one day in whatever way is most conveniant at the time. So I'm wondering if anyone is planning this the way I am or knows of someone that did plan it?

 

[SMPX06]

Oh yes this was my method. I used to be really into computers and even in 1998 I knew how to get my computer to send out an email if I hadn't returned to my computer after a certain date.

I did a video message to my mother, I even wrote out the email. I had a painless method that I read about too.

Anyway, there was a problem with my method (I know I can't write about it here) so it didn't work out. I'm glad it didn't work out to be honest, I think the extra few years I've had have been 'interesting' - but now the time is coming back around for me again.

So regarding methods I probably felt the same as you do. My attitude now is not to let myself get too depressed and to just "do it" when the time feels right.

Before I really worked myself up into it and that was bad...very dark days indeed. The problem with my new attitude now is that I don't know if I will leave a suicide note, whereas at least before the people I leave behind will have known my reasons.

You're obviously very intelligent and meticulous. Are you sure life is too much for you? Do you want to talk about your reasons for suicide?

Simon

 

[am I alive]

I feel similar, and planning to do it,don't know when, but i'm sure i will, your idea is good maybe i use it.
I dont have much money to have some fun, i'll probably spend it to buy shotgun,that is only way i want do it.
Anyway, i hope you'll change your mind, not sure about me.

 

[goop]

hi

somebody once said that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you die, your out of the game. Its over & theres no going back. I have had suicidal problems for well over a decade- but im still here giving it guts. The only reason im still about is because i feel that my luck will eventially change. I get up every morning to see if things have turned from poor to good. Eventially things should get better. Its a bit like flu, you feel really nasty, but given a few weeks all is good. Its maybe just a matter of time and waiting for the dawn after the darkness.

wishing you well

 

[dark_thought]

somebody once said that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I hate that quote. I didn't choose to be born. I didn't ask to be given an ugly body, or the personality of a card-board box. I didn't ask to be tormented all my life by this fascist society, with no reason to justify my existence. If there's one right we should all exercise, it's determining the how and when of our eventual demise. If you want to help then fine, but it'll take more than meaningless platitudes like this to turn us around.

We want to leave the 'game'. That's the whole frickin' point.

This is the only solution to the permanent problem that is a meaningless and painful existence.

 

[goop]

I hate that quote. I didn't choose to be born. I didn't ask to be given an ugly body, or the personality of a card-board box. I didn't ask to be tormented all my life by this fascist society, with no reason to justify my existence. If there's one right we should all exercise, it's determining the how and when of our eventual demise. If you want to help then fine, but it'll take more than meaningless platitudes like this to turn us around.

We want to leave the 'game'. That's the whole frickin' point.

This is the only solution to the permanent problem that is a meaningless and painful existence.

Hi

please ignore my meaningless platitudes.

I was trying to be positive. For me, there will always be something good out there- it just might not be obvious at this point in time. I've known a good few people who have tried to kill themselves but had there 'mission' interupted. All of these people have later said how thankfull they where to have survived and how they have later freaked out at the way in which they where thinking.

As an example, there was a TV program called 'Trauma' which was broadcast in the UK. This program was about paramedics and doctors in the London area. In one program, paramedics where called to a station in the london underground. Some bloke had thrown himself in front of a moving tube train. The paramedics arrived and got underneath the train. They found that the casualty was conscious, talking and breathing. The paramedics applied all there skills and tried there very best to save this guy. Sadly he 'expired'.

The paramedics and doctor where well pissed off as they tried there level best to save this bloke. The Doctor at the scene stated that he had dealt with tube station suicides before and that he had saved people whom had jumped in front of trains. The thing that fucked him off, was that most of the people he had saved had later turned up in hospital & later thanked him and the medical staff for saving there lives.

Anyway, i dont know you, your circumstances or what motivates you. All i know is that dawn follows the darkness. In other words things should get better given time. Thats my enemy. My life is sh!t. But im giving it time. Im waiting for the sun to rise and for my life to kick off.

wishing you well

goop

 

[dark_thought]

Hi

please ignore my meaningless platitudes.

Sorry I was flippant - it just annoys me that the 'enlightened' people of this site can't give out anything more than 'it will get better' advice. I came here originally looking for methods, or rather confirmation for a specific method. I'm not really sure why I continue to post here.

Ah, I guess that was flippant too. Oh well I'm hurting.

I was trying to be positive. For me, there will always be something good out there- it just might not be obvious at this point in time. I've known a good few people who have tried to kill themselves but had there 'mission' interupted. All of these people have later said how thankfull they where to have survived and how they have later freaked out at the way in which they where thinking.

Near-death situations can make one appreciative of life, true. But that would not resolve the underlying problem; most likely it would make things worse later.

As an example, there was a TV program called 'Trauma' which was broadcast in the UK. This program was about paramedics and doctors in the London area. In one program, paramedics where called to a station in the london underground. Some bloke had thrown himself in front of a moving tube train. The paramedics arrived and got underneath the train. They found that the casualty was conscious, talking and breathing. The paramedics applied all there skills and tried there very best to save this guy. Sadly he 'expired'.

The paramedics and doctor where well pissed off as they tried there level best to save this bloke. The Doctor at the scene stated that he had dealt with tube station suicides before and that he had saved people whom had jumped in front of trains. The thing that fucked him off, was that most of the people he had saved had later turned up in hospital & later thanked him and the medical staff for saving there lives.

Yes I saw it. It's a monthly-occurance in London. I have since discounted train-jumping as an effective method.

Anyway, i dont know you, your circumstances or what motivates you. All i know is that dawn follows the darkness. In other words things should get better given time. Thats my enemy. My life is sh!t. But im giving it time. Im waiting for the sun to rise and for my life to kick off.

I appreciate that. I hope you get your sunrise.

 

[Secretidentity]

I've saw an episode on Oprah,about a girl who's did the same thing.It really scarred me a bit,because it was all so secretly planned.I can't tell u if it is the right way,i know you're not waiting for me to tell you not to do this,but i ask you anyway.. please do not make hurried decisions

 

[Secretidentity]

I've saw an episode on Oprah,about a girl who's did the same thing.It really scarred me a bit,because it was all so secretly planned.I can't tell u if it is the right way,i know you're not waiting for me to tell you not to do this,but i ask you anyway.. please do not make hurried decisions

Now i'd read your posts better,i can see u want methods from us.Sorry i can't give u any,i'm not an expert in finding out what's the best way to commit suïcide.I only hope you do the right thing..it's all to you

 

[i_am_not_here]

All i know is that dawn follows the darkness. In other words things should get better given time. Thats my enemy. My life is sh!t. But im giving it time. Im waiting for the sun to rise and for my life to kick off.

The question I keep asking, though, is how long should one wait for things to "brighten up"? How can one ever have hope of a "brighter future" when there are no signs of things ever getting better?

 

[enigma.planning]

Thanks for all the interesting replys and thoughts.

SMPX06 asked if I wanted to talk about my reasons for suicide. Sure, I don't mind.

I've had severe depression all my life. It doesn't get better. I've been on many medications and I'm taking one now. I've been to therapists and even mental hospitals a few times. This is my main reason.

Like I had said in my previous post, I used to have things to live for. I was married and I loved this woman. But one day she decided to start cheating on me with 2 of my so called friends. This lasted for almost a year before I divorced her.

So if you look at my life, it's actually been pretty good. I've always had money. Always had a good job, nice cars, and a house. But those things don't make you happy. I was happy with my ex-wife. We've been divorced for almost a year now so don't think that this is a hasty decision. I've been thinking about this for months.

i_am_not_here asked how long one should wait for things to get better. I can't speak for anyone else, only for myself. I'm 30 years old and things have never gotten better for me. They stay the same. It's true that life is hard. That will never change. That's why I'm planning to kill myself. I'm tired of dealing with it.

This is an interesting conversation and I hope to hear more of your thoughts.

 

[i_am_not_here]

This whole idea of "just wait... things will get better". It's just the proverbial carrot infront of the proverbial donkey. It's something to encourage you to "hang on" when in reality, there is little point.

Or at least that's the way I see it.

 

[SMPX06]

This whole idea of "just wait... things will get better". It's just the proverbial carrot infront of the proverbial donkey. It's something to encourage you to "hang on" when in reality, there is little point.

Or at least that's the way I see it.

That's the way I see it too. I know my life isn't ever going to change. I have too many problems which makes it too difficult for me to meet people and make friends. Things simply will never get better for me either.

By the way Enigma, I get depressed specifically due to my problems. Does anything trigger your depression, any problem as such or are you just naturally prone to bouts of depression?

Simon.