Hi
My family is dysfunctional and toxic. I think they are ignorant about this as this is normal in Indian subcontinent.
They are abusive.
My mom , I have noticed always have problem with me when it comes with me dressing up.
Recently , we went to a wedding relating to someone from her workplace. She asked me to wear a jacket i am wearing right now but I didn't feel like wearing it so I wore what I wanted to which was a coat.
She didn't liked it , asked plenty of times but I didn't realise follow up and eventually she was willing to go with me.
Today we are going to another wedding and I wore that jacket as a top up as it's cold outside.
So , she commented on that coat thing. Be littled me.
I opened my hair , I want to. She said she would wanna braid them. I said I don't want that , I am okay with opened hair. I can braid them myself at return ( I keep my hair braided at home )
So , the abuse started.
She said a lot of belittling things. My brother.. damn I know he couldn't be trusted but he proved again. I have something I do , I don't really wanna mention what but it's something expressive and my brother was aware about it. Because he asked and I didn't thought it was big of a deal. My bad I guess. So yes , I wasn't aware that my mom knew so yea she just mentioned while abusing.
She also misunderstood me big time but it's like 24/7 she accuses , all the fucking time. I don't explain because there's no win. I just stay silent , try my best with no expressions.
So.. as she was yelling , accusing , belittling me , I felt threatened to my safety. I was wondering if my uncle's gonna show up and yell at me.
I wonder if that thing would be stopped or I have to be more careful in future.
Everytime this intensity of abuse take place , I feel hopeless and like I won't be able to make out. Like I am here always , trapped forever. Lost.
I wish someone understood me like you all do , like people do in the west and perhaps even in Asia but just not fucking here.
.. it feels lonely and just so bad.
What if I am forever trapped??
.... I am just so anxious and in fear. It feels terrible. I wish I wasn't born here. This is hell.
Sorry I am not re reading , I am time bound. I have to go. Don't mind any mistakes.
My family is dysfunctional and toxic. I think they are ignorant about this as this is normal in Indian subcontinent.
They are abusive.
My mom , I have noticed always have problem with me when it comes with me dressing up.
Recently , we went to a wedding relating to someone from her workplace. She asked me to wear a jacket i am wearing right now but I didn't feel like wearing it so I wore what I wanted to which was a coat.
She didn't liked it , asked plenty of times but I didn't realise follow up and eventually she was willing to go with me.
Today we are going to another wedding and I wore that jacket as a top up as it's cold outside.
So , she commented on that coat thing. Be littled me.
I opened my hair , I want to. She said she would wanna braid them. I said I don't want that , I am okay with opened hair. I can braid them myself at return ( I keep my hair braided at home )
So , the abuse started.
She said a lot of belittling things. My brother.. damn I know he couldn't be trusted but he proved again. I have something I do , I don't really wanna mention what but it's something expressive and my brother was aware about it. Because he asked and I didn't thought it was big of a deal. My bad I guess. So yes , I wasn't aware that my mom knew so yea she just mentioned while abusing.
She also misunderstood me big time but it's like 24/7 she accuses , all the fucking time. I don't explain because there's no win. I just stay silent , try my best with no expressions.
So.. as she was yelling , accusing , belittling me , I felt threatened to my safety. I was wondering if my uncle's gonna show up and yell at me.
I wonder if that thing would be stopped or I have to be more careful in future.
Everytime this intensity of abuse take place , I feel hopeless and like I won't be able to make out. Like I am here always , trapped forever. Lost.
I wish someone understood me like you all do , like people do in the west and perhaps even in Asia but just not fucking here.
.. it feels lonely and just so bad.
What if I am forever trapped??
.... I am just so anxious and in fear. It feels terrible. I wish I wasn't born here. This is hell.
Sorry I am not re reading , I am time bound. I have to go. Don't mind any mistakes.
Good reminder. Though yea it gets tough and the thoughts come , but mhm I will be okay hopefully. Thankyou 💜