please talk with me

[Daryl72]

I understand and often think death would be so much better than the living help I'm in. I don't know what else to do sometimes. I have no idea why I exist as it seems as if there is no purpose to my being alive.

 

[dying_inside]

i dont know what else to do either. i have tried different therapies for 17 years, clinics, meds, multiple attempted suicides.... i dont know what to do anymore

 

[Paul1963]

Paul,
i envy your certainty.
i have been planning for months only to find myself at the very end, full of doubts. not about death about about the method.
last year i've been traumatized i dont want to go through it again. but i do not want to be alive either.
i wish there was an easiest way out.

I completely understand what you are going through. It is a dreadful state to be in. I have arrived at this point in life due to the fact that I am now completely broken. There is no putting me back together again. I truly hope that you manage to find some relief in whatever way as regards your suffering.

 

[dying_inside]

Paul, im sorry for your suffering. you seem such a kind and gentle person.

 

[dying_inside]

Today's mothers day here.
but i wish so much i could go to her and word-vomit everything out.
she wouldnt have a solution but mayeb shed understand

 

[Paul1963]

Paul, im sorry for your suffering. you seem such a kind and gentle person.

Thank you. You too sound kind and caring. It is a fact that the majority of those of us who are suffering are loving, caring types of people. The narcissistic, sociopathic types tend to really enjoy life. This sick twisted world is their playground.

 

[Paul1963]

I understand and often think death would be so much better than the living help I'm in. I don't know what else to do sometimes. I have no idea why I exist as it seems as if there is no purpose to my being alive.

I'm sorry you are suffering. I too struggle with the pointless, meaningless reality of life. I have never felt comfortable with life, even from a very young age. This life makes no sense to me, it is filled with far too much suffering for myself and also for many, many others. It just seems as though we are born to suffer, only to eventually die, one way or another.

 

[dying_inside]

i went to my parents house for lunch and before i knew it spilled it all out.
issues at home
issues with money
how im afraid of losing my flat
not wanting my boyfriend coming here anymore
being depressed and thinking about suicide.

it was not surprise to my mom. but i feel a bit better after telling. as if now i have her permit of doing it...
which is not but it feels like it

 

[Paul1963]

i went to my parents house for lunch and before i knew it spilled it all out.
issues at home
issues with money
how im afraid of losing my flat
not wanting my boyfriend coming here anymore
being depressed and thinking about suicide.

it was not surprise to my mom. but i feel a bit better after telling. as if now i have her permit of doing it...
which is not but it feels like it

So sorry you are having such a hard time. I became homeless last August and have been living in my car ever since. There is a massive shortage of affordable accommodation here in the UK, it's frightening. I have absolutely nobody to turn to and my savings are soon to run out. Is there nobody you can turn to for help if you are threatened with homelessness ? Money causes so much misery it's evil. People like us have enough to deal with without having to worry about things like this. I hope you don't lose your flat. I'm so sorry.

 

[Livelife]

i went to my parents house for lunch and before i knew it spilled it all out.
issues at home
issues with money
how im afraid of losing my flat
not wanting my boyfriend coming here anymore
being depressed and thinking about suicide.

it was not surprise to my mom. but i feel a bit better after telling. as if now i have her permit of doing it...
which is not but it feels like it

That's a start that you shared it with those you feel some safety with. And got some relief from it. Did it surprise you that your mother wasn't surprised? I hope they can offer you some caring support if you want that from them. I hope things work out soon around the flat situation and with keeping a secure roof over you.

 

[dying_inside]

Paul, im sorry for your situation, really so much. i wish i could help.
should i lose my flat i could go back staying with my parents but at 41yo it looks like hell. but at least id have a roof on my head and people who love me near. i cant even begin to think being in your shoes. it must be so hard. Hugs

 

[dying_inside]

Livelife,
im a bit surprised my mom wasnt surprised, but after 10+years of attempts i should have expected she was guessing something is wrong.
they cant give me any help. nobody can.

 

[Livelife]

Livelife,
im a bit surprised my mom wasnt surprised, but after 10+years of attempts i should have expected she was guessing something is wrong.
they cant give me any help. nobody can.

I’m sorry to hear that. I know what you are saying. For right now feeling secure with having a place to live without fear about it and taking care of yourself around what you mentioned sounded like some kind of challenge with your boyfriend might possibly bring some relief to you….🤞🏽🫶🏼

 

[dying_inside]

Livelife, my boyfriend lives in another country and i dont want to be with him anymore.
but yes at least i know i wont end up on the streets

 

[Livelife]

Livelife, my boyfriend lives in another country and i dont want to be with him anymore.
but yes at least i know i wont end up on the streets

That makes releasing the relationship easier physically anyway. Breakups are usually never completely pain free and even so I’m glad to see you taking care of yourself and have clarity regarding ending things. And good to know you won’t have to be homeless💜

 

[Paul1963]

Paul, im sorry for your situation, really so much. i wish i could help.
should i lose my flat i could go back staying with my parents but at 41yo it looks like hell. but at least id have a roof on my head and people who love me near. i cant even begin to think being in your shoes. it must be so hard. Hugs

I'm so glad that you have the option of going back to your parents, even if it is far from ideal. I seriously wouldn't want you to ever be homeless, it is a bleak and brutal existence. Here in the UK, it is becoming increasingly popular for people upwards of 30 years old to live with their parents. This is through no fault of their own, but due to a massive housing shortage and the ever rising cost of living. It is nothing to be ashamed of. I'm glad that you have people who love you, I would give anything to have that. I hope things work out for you, one way or another. 🤗

 

[dying_inside]

Thank you Paul. i care about you. hugs

 

[Livelife]

My apologies if I might have offended you in any way. Take good care and I hope the best for you.

 

[dying_inside]

Dear Livelife,
you have not offended me in any way. i was doubtful about answering you because im not so sure about ending things with my boyfriend. its quite a complicated situation and nothing is established yet. and im not taking care of myself in any way. im protecting him, not me.
i just dont want to go into details about my boyfriend. this is i just dont want him but he doesnt know yet.

 

[Livelife]

Dear Livelife,
you have not offended me in any way. i was doubtful about answering you because im not so sure about ending things with my boyfriend. its quite a complicated situation and nothing is established yet. and im not taking care of myself in any way. im protecting him, not me.
i just dont want to go into details about my boyfriend. this is i just dont want him but he doesnt know yet.

I wasn't trying to pry and I appreciate you being self protective...I believe you'll figure it out for yourself when the time is right.