*Possibly Triggering!* Scared...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Ahmandah, Apr 11, 2014.

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  1. Ahmandah

    Ahmandah Member

    So I've been super depressed in the last year since I was on last. But I thought I could handle everything. A few days ago I passed out randomly. But I apparently didn't jus collapse. My dad was leaving for work and I stood up to give him a hug. He was rubbing my back and I locked my hands around his tummy (he's super tall and has a big tummy) and I said "Have a good time at work..." And I remember thinking "Drive safe" and about how great it felt, him rubbing my back. I woke up on the floor, my right leg and arm moving on their own (I say that cuz I wasn't wanting to move them, they jus were moving back and forth) and my dad above me holding my head saying "Can you here me?!"
    I asked what happened and retraced my steps. They filled me in on the rest. I tried telling him to drive safe, but I was passing out at this point so I said "Have a good time at work drbbbbllleeeehhhhh..." and my legs went fully limp, my upper body went rigid, and my eyes rolled back. My father guided me to the floor. And I think they said how long I was out, but I don't remember right now.

    All I ate that day was applesauce. I don't have anorexia (in the official sense of the word) but I have an idea that I need to weigh a certain number. My bf had thrown out the scale within the first week I was there cuz I was obsessing, as he put it. I haven't weighed myself in a long time. I also don't pay attention to when I eat. I eat when I'm hungry, whatever I feel like, and stop when I'm full. But lately, my depression has been so bad and I don't even realize I'm not eating. I literally jus got applesauce cuz I can't remember if I ate dinner or not. And I have only had two pieces of toast that I know of fer sure.

    I go to the doctor tomorrow morning. But I'm scared. I have no idea how it's gotten so bad. My bf takes amazing care of me and reminds me to eat (he's away on business right now for a week, comes back tomorrow cuz of my episode) and I'm not sure as to what I need to do before my appointment... My mom is going with me, which is kinda embarrassing as I'm 21. But she knows more about what happened as she was there while I was passed out.

    I jus kinda need to talk about it right now...
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi. First I wantto tell you that when you get older you will realize that 21 is young. And your mom coming with you is very appropriate. In the eyes of older adults, you ae a kid :hug: Second, if this had happened to me, an oldster, I would hope someone would insist on going with me as well.

    I will be here. you can talk and I will read your words. It is good that you understand you have a problem with food. It takes courage to admit that. The road to treating an ed is also a road to freedom. Because in my opinion we give up our power to an ed. They own us. And an ed will destroy a persons health if they allow it. So working on it is working on freedom and health. Frighting and confusing? perhaps. But liberating. Each step is progress. But it can feel so very frighting. The confusing thoughts etc.

    So I am here to read your words you post in this thread. okay?
  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Good luck at the doctors. Hope all goes well for you. I'm going through the depression phrase not remembering when I ate last, and trying not to weight myself
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