Post your JOKES here!
- Thread starter Saint Rita
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An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his cell phone.
"Honey," she says in a worried voice, "please be careful. There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the highway."
"Oh it's worse than that," he replies, "there are hundreds of them!"
"Honey," she says in a worried voice, "please be careful. There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the highway."
"Oh it's worse than that," he replies, "there are hundreds of them!"
Mother is waking her son: “Paulie, come, wake up, you have to go to school.”
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“Aw mom, just a bit more sleep, please.”
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“No, it’s really high time, now get up.”
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“But I don’t want to. The children annoy me and the teachers are a complete pain!”
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“Stop it, now. Get up and off to school with you!”
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“Mom, give me two good reasons why I should go to the stupid school.”
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“Paulie, first of all, you’re 45, and second, you’re the headmaster.”
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“Aw mom, just a bit more sleep, please.”
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“No, it’s really high time, now get up.”
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“But I don’t want to. The children annoy me and the teachers are a complete pain!”
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“Stop it, now. Get up and off to school with you!”
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“Mom, give me two good reasons why I should go to the stupid school.”
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“Paulie, first of all, you’re 45, and second, you’re the headmaster.”
A plane with 4 people on board is about to crash. The 4 people are the pilot, the president, the world’s smartest man and a ten-year-old. They only have 3 parachutes between them.
The president cries: “I’m the president, people need me to live!” and he jumps out.
The world’s smartest man cries, “I’m the world’s smartest man, I’m needed in the world!” and he jumps out.
The pilot sighs and says, “You take the last parachute, kid, I’ll go down with the plane, that’s my job.”
The kid smiles, “No need, there are still two parachutes left. The world’s smartest man took my backpack.”
The president cries: “I’m the president, people need me to live!” and he jumps out.
The world’s smartest man cries, “I’m the world’s smartest man, I’m needed in the world!” and he jumps out.
The pilot sighs and says, “You take the last parachute, kid, I’ll go down with the plane, that’s my job.”
The kid smiles, “No need, there are still two parachutes left. The world’s smartest man took my backpack.”
Cute little bunny comes in a pharmacy and asks if they have carrot ice cream.
“No. This is a pharmacy. We don’t sell ice cream.”
Bunny leaves. But it comes back the next day and again asks, “Do you have carrot ice cream?”
“No, Bunny! This is a pharmacy. We don’t sell ice cream!“
Bunny leaves – but comes again the next day. And the next day, and so on, until after about two weeks, the pharmacist caves in and personally gets carrot ice cream for the next time the bunny comes.
The bunny does come, and again asks, “Do you have carrot ice cream?”
“Today, Bunny, today we do!” smiles the pharmacist.
The bunny says: “Well then don't eat it. It tastes horrible!“
“No. This is a pharmacy. We don’t sell ice cream.”
Bunny leaves. But it comes back the next day and again asks, “Do you have carrot ice cream?”
“No, Bunny! This is a pharmacy. We don’t sell ice cream!“
Bunny leaves – but comes again the next day. And the next day, and so on, until after about two weeks, the pharmacist caves in and personally gets carrot ice cream for the next time the bunny comes.
The bunny does come, and again asks, “Do you have carrot ice cream?”
“Today, Bunny, today we do!” smiles the pharmacist.
The bunny says: “Well then don't eat it. It tastes horrible!“
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