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- Thread starter 1964dodge
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My neighbour is driving me crazy. Physically and cognitively he's not great and can no longer drive which means he's a bit cut off as it's too far to walk into the village for him. His son lives in the village but only sees him once a week to take him shopping. He's lonely and very depressed and I feel desperately sorry for him.
But he knocks my door every few hours. He's either wanting me to go into the village to buy him beer or he just pushes past me in the doorway and sits himself down in the lounge before I can stop him. This morning was the first morning in weeks that I could have a bit of a lie in and he was hammering on the door at 7am because he couldn't get the sound to work on his TV.
I don't want to be mean but I just don't have the time or capacity to take him on. I've got too much shit going on in my own life. I always knock his door when I'm doing my own shopping to see if he needs anything but the next day he's wanting me to go again.
I was thinking I'd stay here for a few years but it's actually making me want to move, even though this house is ideal for me.
But he knocks my door every few hours. He's either wanting me to go into the village to buy him beer or he just pushes past me in the doorway and sits himself down in the lounge before I can stop him. This morning was the first morning in weeks that I could have a bit of a lie in and he was hammering on the door at 7am because he couldn't get the sound to work on his TV.
I don't want to be mean but I just don't have the time or capacity to take him on. I've got too much shit going on in my own life. I always knock his door when I'm doing my own shopping to see if he needs anything but the next day he's wanting me to go again.
I was thinking I'd stay here for a few years but it's actually making me want to move, even though this house is ideal for me.
I have some similar things going on in the apartment building where I live. Quite a few folks don't have cars and/or don't drive.
These folks will drive one crazy asking for rides. As you shared, every day if you let them. Mostly for snacks and cigarettes. I have taken the hard line which is "I don't run errands or tote people". This has been hard for some folks to swallow but for my own sanity I had to.
You are a kind and generous person and this guy is taking advantage. I'm so sorry he has put you in the position of dreading to hear someone at the door.
These folks will drive one crazy asking for rides. As you shared, every day if you let them. Mostly for snacks and cigarettes. I have taken the hard line which is "I don't run errands or tote people". This has been hard for some folks to swallow but for my own sanity I had to.
You are a kind and generous person and this guy is taking advantage. I'm so sorry he has put you in the position of dreading to hear someone at the door.
This is a long saga, but it's yet another in a long line of incidents that demonstrate that people in my life don't fucking listen to me, and i somehow always end up paying the price.
I can't stand the heat. I'm alright in the cold, but heat does me in. Which in the face of global warming is a delightful state of affairs. So, when my birthday was coming up in December, my dad asked me to think of something simple he could get me and i came up with a basic air conditioner to keep me cool during the summer. The one snag being that i need a custom-made frame for my window so i can vent out the heat and humidity without letting it back in or ending up with a room full of insects.
But hey, it was the middle of winter, so my dad had plenty of time to put something together, and he's very handy. Even so, i cautioned that he should probably start it sooner than later, because i know him, so i know that if i didn't push the issue, he'd just leave it until we were right in the middle of a heatwave. Which would mean i'd be boiling, with basically nothing i could do about it, and with a long wait before i could use the perfect solution to the problem that would be sitting mere feet away.
Even with my warning, he didn't get straight on it, which is fine, it's not like i'd need it any time soon. Then January and most of February went by, and he still hadn't started it, so i started getting concerned. I mentioned again that it was better to get started well in advance of things heating up, and still he didn't get going. Then we got well into March, and i pointed out we were getting into Spring, better get started before it really heats up. He still didn't start.
All of April passed. He still hasn't started, but i've gradually been pushing the issue more and more, especially as we start getting minor spikes in heat. Then, finally, about a week ago, most of the way through May, he finally gets started, several days after the temperature starts rising significantly. He takes a bunch of measurements, and concludes "This is going to be a complicated job, it'll take me about a month". Oh boy, if only someone would have warned you it was better to start early. He even asked "Are you alright with waiting that long?" as if i had a choice, and as if the obvious answer wasn't "No, you should have started this a lot earlier."
And now, here i am, absolutely boiling, with basically nothing i can really do about it, with the perfect solution mere feet away, which i can't use, and weeks yet to go before i can. If only someone could have foreseen this happening.
Dad actually said to me today "Boy, summer's really arrived, hasn't it?", and i seriously wanted to punch him. I'm deeply uncomfortable, i'm miserable, and i really want to just die and hopefully move on to another place where maybe people actually fucking listen to me for once.
I can't stand the heat. I'm alright in the cold, but heat does me in. Which in the face of global warming is a delightful state of affairs. So, when my birthday was coming up in December, my dad asked me to think of something simple he could get me and i came up with a basic air conditioner to keep me cool during the summer. The one snag being that i need a custom-made frame for my window so i can vent out the heat and humidity without letting it back in or ending up with a room full of insects.
But hey, it was the middle of winter, so my dad had plenty of time to put something together, and he's very handy. Even so, i cautioned that he should probably start it sooner than later, because i know him, so i know that if i didn't push the issue, he'd just leave it until we were right in the middle of a heatwave. Which would mean i'd be boiling, with basically nothing i could do about it, and with a long wait before i could use the perfect solution to the problem that would be sitting mere feet away.
Even with my warning, he didn't get straight on it, which is fine, it's not like i'd need it any time soon. Then January and most of February went by, and he still hadn't started it, so i started getting concerned. I mentioned again that it was better to get started well in advance of things heating up, and still he didn't get going. Then we got well into March, and i pointed out we were getting into Spring, better get started before it really heats up. He still didn't start.
All of April passed. He still hasn't started, but i've gradually been pushing the issue more and more, especially as we start getting minor spikes in heat. Then, finally, about a week ago, most of the way through May, he finally gets started, several days after the temperature starts rising significantly. He takes a bunch of measurements, and concludes "This is going to be a complicated job, it'll take me about a month". Oh boy, if only someone would have warned you it was better to start early. He even asked "Are you alright with waiting that long?" as if i had a choice, and as if the obvious answer wasn't "No, you should have started this a lot earlier."
And now, here i am, absolutely boiling, with basically nothing i can really do about it, with the perfect solution mere feet away, which i can't use, and weeks yet to go before i can. If only someone could have foreseen this happening.
Dad actually said to me today "Boy, summer's really arrived, hasn't it?", and i seriously wanted to punch him. I'm deeply uncomfortable, i'm miserable, and i really want to just die and hopefully move on to another place where maybe people actually fucking listen to me for once.
I have to try very hard sometimes not to see myself as a whole person rather than just a list of diagnoses, and to not see them as permanent and immutable.
The disability application process consists mostly of my doctors explaining in detail how I fit those diagnoses, and how I am unlikely to get significantly better.
This complicates things.
The disability application process consists mostly of my doctors explaining in detail how I fit those diagnoses, and how I am unlikely to get significantly better.
This complicates things.
That is just not okay for him to be pushing into your home. And banging on the door at 7am is not okay either, unless it is an emergency (which his TV sound not working is not!).
I understand it's hard to say "no" but you definitely need to do it. Why can he not get delivery service for his beer? My husband and I don't own a vehicle right now and we pay for deliveries - it's cheaper than the cost of owning and operating a vehicle. If he can't afford delivery he can ask his son to get the beer for him.
I understand it's hard to say "no" but you definitely need to do it. Why can he not get delivery service for his beer? My husband and I don't own a vehicle right now and we pay for deliveries - it's cheaper than the cost of owning and operating a vehicle. If he can't afford delivery he can ask his son to get the beer for him.
I don't own a vehicle right now and I pay to get things delivered. I do occasionally get rides with people but I ALWAYS offer to chip in for gas. And if they refuse I will insist on treating them to tea/coffee or giving them small things like a container of fruit as a thank you. These things are reciprocal.
I'm sorry it's hard for some folks to swallow. They must realize that if you say "yes" you will end up running errands for everyone!
I'm sorry it's hard for some folks to swallow. They must realize that if you say "yes" you will end up running errands for everyone!
I was one of only a few people in my social circle who had a car (we were all broke af). 99.9% of the time, I was more than happy to give friends rides when they needed because it was a way to repay favors they’d done for me and feel useful. But some people did treat me like a free taxi service.
Which lets me segue into my favorite thing ever; talking about my wife! She wasn’t any better than me at confrontation, or even just saying “no.” But there were a couple times she called people out on that specific issue, and insisted they pay for future rides. I know she was going way out of her comfort zone to do that. It felt really damn good to have someone looking out for me.
Anyway, point is, I’d be super excited to give rides to someone who gave me fruit in exchange.
In fact, that gives me a business idea. To paraphrase Tony Montana; “First you get the strawberries, then you get the power, then you get the women.”
Which lets me segue into my favorite thing ever; talking about my wife! She wasn’t any better than me at confrontation, or even just saying “no.” But there were a couple times she called people out on that specific issue, and insisted they pay for future rides. I know she was going way out of her comfort zone to do that. It felt really damn good to have someone looking out for me.
Anyway, point is, I’d be super excited to give rides to someone who gave me fruit in exchange.
In fact, that gives me a business idea. To paraphrase Tony Montana; “First you get the strawberries, then you get the power, then you get the women.”
Privileged people who need to that believe luck played no part in their success in order to assuage their guilt for living lives of relative luxury while most of the world is miserable.
They’ll tell you they worked hard, and some of them actually did. But they don’t see how, for every one of them, there are a hundred more who worked just as hard but were never presented with the same opportunities.
They’ll tell you they worked hard, and some of them actually did. But they don’t see how, for every one of them, there are a hundred more who worked just as hard but were never presented with the same opportunities.
1000% and even the ability to work hard requires physical and mental strength and stamina, good health and a nutritious diet. Success often requires social skills, confidence, and the "cushion" of a social network of people, especially relatives, who can help you if you fail.
I don't think anyone should feel guilty for being well off, but people shouldn't deny the advantages they had.
I don't think anyone should feel guilty for being well off, but people shouldn't deny the advantages they had.