My family values me much. I appreciate that. But according to them, if I kill myself, it will crush them horribly. That I'd damage them so is my complaint.
If hie wouldn't be damaged by me killing myself, I'd do it. Hie could live out the rest of heora lives in happiness. Then, either I'm wrong and hie'll never see me again, or I'm right and eventually we'll recur together in another manifestation of this life-seed and I can try again, this time doing better in every way, and not waste/ruin everything, or catch and better myself if I do.
But I can't. So now I continue, this miserable failure who ruined everything, because my kin would be so hurt if I gave myself my just dessert.