Power over me

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Shauna Lea, May 14, 2007.

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  1. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    How do i stop someone from taking over my life? His mood controls mine 100%. He has such a power over me and i hate it cause i want to b my own person...what can i do to b 'ok' when he is not and when im not with him?
     
  2. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Does anyone want to reply? Does anyone care on this forum anymore? I dont know whats going on!:sad:
     
  3. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

  4. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    What makes him taking over your life?
     
  5. Jackson

    Jackson Guest

    Can you explain the situation a little more?
     
  6. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    We were together for almost 2 years. Before that i was in a bad relationship and was depressed. He saved me fro so much pain and became my only pilar of strength. Then a few things happened and 6 months ago we 'broke up'..but we still see each other all the time and act like a couple. I want to b with him so badly and he says he loves me (and shows it sometimes) but he says he cant because he needs time to himself. Firstly this time away was a month, then it turned into 6 months, and now its possibly a few years. I can't wait around that long and live through this much pain, but i cant move on because hes the only one and because i know he still loves me. He says i should ove on for myself, but how can i when i kno it would b hurting him? when he's hurting, im hurting just as much!
    So because of all this he has a hold over me. I love him more than life, more than words could ever even begin to explain. When we r together its perfect, then we part and i just die again, i need him there to smile! I do everything he could ever want and more for him, i buy him everything he might need, im there for him any time of the day, and i let my guard down and be with him even tho it hurts more than i could ever imagine when i leave. How can i accept that we cant b together when its still so real to me? How can i stay by his side but stil have my own independance? I dont kno what to do, or who to turn to. Like they say 'what do u do when the only one who can make u smile is the one who made u cry?' :sad:
     
  7. Freddy

    Freddy Guest

    It doesnt sound like a healthy relationship Shauna. Its a relationship that seems to be based on control (he's probably a control freak).
    Its quite possible that you have been too dependent on him.
    There are alot of nice guys out there in the world. You shouldnt discount that; keep your options open. Learn to be happy on your own. You can do it.
     
  8. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Hes not a control freak at all...he's almost TOO easy going!

    Everyone says i need to move on, that ill get through, but ive been waiting 6 months and im more in love with him than ever, im also in more pain than ever! its not that easy, i need a way around this!
     
  9. Smythe

    Smythe Well-Known Member

    Painfull though it is, if you really want to move on, then you have to cut all contact for a time. And start meeting new people. If after a couple months, you still feel this way, then perhaps try telling a therapist, for ways to cope with obsessive feelings, and loss.

    I don't say any of this to be rude, but as Freddy posted, it doesn't sound too healthy,
    and your suffering may get worse if you continue to be strung along like this.
    6 months is too long for you to wait for someone to make up their mind about you.

    I'm sorry for your pain, I know it sucks. I hope it turns out alright.
     
  10. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    I may be completely out of line here and I definitely am not trying to cause you more pain but from how I read what you said I feel he is trying to let you down gently and failing miserably.....
    Do you think he is unable to just tell you it's over? This may be because he is trying to protect you, because...
    he sees that you are Dependant on him.
    I really think that when..
    you should listen to him.
    I realise that this will be extremly difficult and the decission has to be yours but moving on seems to be the positive way forward.
    I truely hope I haven't hurt you saying this and we are here for you whatever you decide.

    Take care Hazel :hug:
     
  11. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Dont worry about hurting me by saying that Hazel...I get the same response from everybody. I also thought that in the first place, and then i made the choice to cut off contact from him and it only took about 4 days for him to call me and say that he didnt wanna live without me. He wants me in his life!

    We both wish that we met each other when we were a bit older, saying 22 or 23 maybe? Then things would have been so different...perfect even!

    Do u think there is a way for me to keep being with him without being his girlfriend and wait around for him? I dont want him to have to live without me, and i cant live without him!
     
  12. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    What age is he Shauna? Can you two sit down together and have a calm conversation about this? If you both love each other and can't live without each other, why does he want this break?
    Is he immature? Is he afraid of commitment?
    Sorry for all the questions!
     
  13. Smythe

    Smythe Well-Known Member

    That never works. Unless you like suffering. Or being used.
    As long as you have feelings for him, being platonic friends can't work.

    edit: this sounds a bit harsh, I'm just trying to be clear, and not sugar coat things.
     
  14. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    I'm 18 and he just turned 19...We were together for almost 2 years. I kno now most people r gonna think im stupid, too young to b in love, too young to need someone...but i promise u this is love!

    He wants the break because he wants some time to grow up on his own, to sort himself out, find his 'direction'. He doesnt wanna hurt me in the process. He's lied to me about thigns in the past and thats what brought on the break up, but im willing to take the chance!
    He can b very immature and yes he is afraid of committment..hes afraid of hurting me again aswell. He says i deserve better, but the way i see it is if we have been through this much together then how could he not be the one for me?
     
  15. Freddy

    Freddy Guest

    Do you associate pain with love? (not saying its the case)
    Is he manipulating you?????? Is it possible for both of you to go to a relationship councilor? Maybe they may be a better in sorting this situation out. A neutral party may be helpful.
     
  16. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    I could ask him about counselling but i dont think he would b up for it. Thats the whole thing, he doesnt something so serious at the moment. Its just a mess, so complicated. I cant keep doing everything for him when im getting nothin in return. Ive gone too far this time, and im so scared that i will hurt myself again and eventually i wont b here.
     
  17. Freddy

    Freddy Guest

    Shuana if he thinks the relationship is worth saving the he will do it.
    You cant let him hold you emotionally hostage. You yourself should really see a therapist Shuana. Go find a doctor that will give you a referral. If its a major emergency go immediately to a hospital and let the staff know your "feeling really depress". It sounds like your in a addicted depended relationship.
    Please help your self and see someone Shuana.:sad:
     
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