But I can't help feeling glum and a bit blah. I've been thinking about my childhood and can't help but feel sad. I am an only child but that never stopped me from being happy. I played with other children and I had many friends. The simplest things kept me happy. I'd make my own cards and my own cassette tapes. My imagination would run wild. I'd play for hours on my violin. I played every sport possible. I was so full of love. I was so happy. Where did it all go wrong? Why did it all go wrong? Why did I stop being happy? Why did I become a victim of my own mind? I wish I could tell that happy child to make the most of it because it doesn't last forever. I don't even remember what true happiness feels like anymore. I may have been doing better for a month or two but I haven't had any moments where I felt happy. I would give anything to feel like that child once did, just for a few moments. Just to remind me that I do have a heart inside of me and that it can feel warm. I feel hopeless and feel like I am worth nothing. I wish I was worth something. I wish I wasn't so weak. I feel like I am barely living, only surviving. What is the point when you can no longer feel normal emotions, instead just a mish mash of the most extreme fucked up emotions one could ever feel?