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Probably just a bad day...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Butterfly, Dec 20, 2012.

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  1. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    But I can't help feeling glum and a bit blah. I've been thinking about my childhood and can't help but feel sad. I am an only child but that never stopped me from being happy. I played with other children and I had many friends. The simplest things kept me happy. I'd make my own cards and my own cassette tapes. My imagination would run wild. I'd play for hours on my violin. I played every sport possible. I was so full of love. I was so happy.

    Where did it all go wrong? Why did it all go wrong? Why did I stop being happy? Why did I become a victim of my own mind? I wish I could tell that happy child to make the most of it because it doesn't last forever. I don't even remember what true happiness feels like anymore. I may have been doing better for a month or two but I haven't had any moments where I felt happy. I would give anything to feel like that child once did, just for a few moments. Just to remind me that I do have a heart inside of me and that it can feel warm.

    I feel hopeless and feel like I am worth nothing. I wish I was worth something. I wish I wasn't so weak. I feel like I am barely living, only surviving. What is the point when you can no longer feel normal emotions, instead just a mish mash of the most extreme fucked up emotions one could ever feel?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh hun you are so worth something you are so special don't forget that ok. Have you talked to your doctor at all about your flat emotions hun maybe your medication is too high
    I too remember a child that was happy once don't know where she went either hun but try to take each day hun and find something in it that brings you joy ok even if it is just a childs smile hugs
  3. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I think that my childhood was the happiest time of my life, too...& sometimes, I wish I could just go back there and stay permanently! I don't know what happened either? I turned twenty or so, and ever since, I've been eternally depressed. And since I've got such a supercharged personality, many of my friends have thought me bipolar over the years: (too bad my psychiatrist didn't agree). Try to focus on the things that you have going for you. Maybe one positive feeling can yield another. As I recall, you have a lot going for you! As do I, I suppose, in a way... But I know it is hard when our brains function the way that they do, and our hearts are hurting so. Rationality often goes out the window. Even though you probably don't realize it, your presence likely makes a lot of people's day brighter, just by being you! Do you still play the violin? If not, maybe you could start again?
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