PTSD Crisis

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by jlc20m, Mar 5, 2010.

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  1. jlc20m

    jlc20m Well-Known Member

    Hello,

    I'm not sure if I shoule be posing here. I'm not really suicidal right now, just feeling very sick with ptsd. I've been under some stress (from work and dealing with an elderly parent) but I thought I was handling things okay. Then, a few weeks ago, I got the rug pulled out from underneath me: flashbacks several times a day, body memories that resemble seizures, really bad fatigue and other physical problems, self-abusive episodes that I engage in but don't remember doing and feeling +++++++++++ shame about, feeling like a freak and unlovable (like, if people knew me they'd run away), overwhelmed and shocked and disgusted by the content of the memories, etc. I am cptsd/did/major depression because of things that happened when I was a kid. I work and try to have a normal life despite these problems. I don't feel sorry for myself. I know others have had far worse childhoods than mine. But, I'm so tired of all this. My life is just suffering. Sometimes I don't think it's worthwhile living. Because I'm ashamed of myself, I avoid people. I don't have close friends or even date. I try so hard, but I'm tired of all this. And, I don't want to know anything more about what happened to me. But, I still get information. I feel so bad right now I just don't want to be here with the pain. i tried to tell our doctor today how our father hurt us, but i was very afraid to say the words. if we tell, then it is even realler than if we just remember. i'm amanda and i'm seven. i am so skaird becuse of the pictures. he hurt even small ones and they cri and cri and cri. the pictures are bad. daddy tyed us to the bed and hurt us. can help a kid like me? Amanda & others:sad:
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry for all your pain and suffering and hope you have a therapist to help you heal a pschologist that deals with post trauma What happened was horrible but you are an adult now and are safe you need to get someone to help you deal with all the memories the pain and to heal. You need medication for the attacks reach out and get the help you need okay so you can start the healing process.
     
  3. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    hon i'm so sorry to hear what you have gone through and seem to continue to go through via the flashbacks and all. i just encourage you to please talk to your dr about it. do you have a therapist or whatnot? usually trying to talk through it can help a lot. i've suffered from ptsd in the past myself, and i found talking through it to be the most helpful way to deal with it. plus i'm sure they've got to have groups and such that should address this sort of stuff. please i encourage you to reach out and try and get some more help. please take care
     
  4. jlc20m

    jlc20m Well-Known Member

    Hello,

    Thank you both for your kind words. Just a few things...

    Yes, I'm seeing a therapist, but only every other week. Because psychologists (and other therapists) here on the westcoast of Canada charge (on average) $175.00 per hour, that's all I can afford. Sometimes, I can't even afford to go twice a month if money is tight. I have other health problems (allergies, asthma, migraines) which means that sometimes I have to choose between medication and therapy. I can't see a therapist at an outpatient clinic because I don't qualify due to being a trauma survivor. I suffer from major depression and social anxiety in addition to the cptsd and did/mpd, but no one wants to see me. I had a psychiatrist for awhile who actually seen patients for talk therapy, but she retired three years ago. I've been on my own since then. It's not that I didn't try to find someone. But I get all kinds of excuses in order to not be seen: 1) I don't fit the mandate; 2)
    I'm not that bad off; 2) I have false memory syndrome; 3) I'm making everything up; 4) people with ptsd have "personality problems" and "suicidal issues" which makes therapists not want to see them, etc. The man I see know is okay, but he tends to belittle what I experience because I am able to hold down a job. Yes, I work, but it's very difficult. So, he's not really a support. Two good things are he doesn't tell us we have false memory syndrome and he believes that we are did/mpd because he's met quite a few alters. On Monday, I'm going to a walk-in clinic because I need a prescription for Effexor and clonazepam. I take these for the cptsd mostly but they help the depression a little bit. I don't know what else to do. I feel so alone. I have no family other than my elderly mother is 78. I can't burden her with my problems because she has her own. I to take every day as it comes. I've been in this situation before and got through it. The thing is I'm so tired of living this way and being me. I'm so tired and disgusted and ashamed. If I wouldn't love my mom and not want to hurt her, I'd check out already. I'm still thinking this is best...we're just so tired. I'm sorry. Don't know what else to say. Thank you for reading. I'm sorry for being so negative. I can't help it.
    jlc20m
     
  5. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    please i just encourage you to keep looking for someone who cares. heck, if it were me i think i would even make a scene and say my peace. i'm sorry i don't know what to encourage you to do or what avenues to take when looking for health care up there. i'm in the states. it seems to work very differently down here. just please keep looking and sharing with us here. we care very much and i would hate to hear of something happening to you. so please don't go that route. it is possible to work through this. i'm evidence of this. so please just keep up the good work in looking. you'll get there. i have faith in ya. take care
     
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