pushed myself into a corner again!

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Void_reality, Jan 11, 2012.

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  1. Void_reality

    Void_reality Member

    Although ive been depressed for many years, the last few months have been rather bad. Personally i think i have been dealing with the stress quite well compared to previous times which often lead to me attempting or severely self harming. But Over the last few days i have noticed me getting back into some old routines which isnt a good sign. What i used to do was take my messed up life and then mess it up some more by causing arguements with friends and family and get into debt with the type of people you dont want to be in debt to, basically take anything remotely good in my life and then destroy it so i then feel im backed into a corner with no where to go and what feels like no other option but to kill myself. Now i dont want to slip back into old habits and im trying to sort myself out but honestly i think im fighting a losing battle here. The thing is deep down i dont really want to try, im just doing it for other people and not myself. I dont have any interest in conforming to society but i dont want to have to try and kill myself because of it and quite frankly im worried i will mess up again. The fact that I WILL one day die is the only comforting knowledge that i hav and i look forward to it. Right now i just need to find a way to get to my other apartment as it will be alot more chilled out and away from all of the stress
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun i do hope you talk to your doctor maybe you need to have medication changed a bit to help you from going to deep in the cycle I do hope also you get a new apartment that will give you are break away change up your routine a bit and bring something good back into your life Just take one day time okay try not to look at the whole picture so much just what is infront of you okay hugs
     
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