Pushing people away

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Theodora, Jan 30, 2013.

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  1. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Yesterday was not good and I clung to this forum. Thanks. When I woke this a.m was amazed as had slept for six hours. With my coffee returned here and reread guidelines. The bit about not deleting accounts seemed important. Have always known that I isolate myself when down. The pushing people away then blaming myself is a revelation to me. This is what I have done this last year at least three times. The last friend I have left and haven't seen for a year I am keeping at bay. When I try to look at each loss it seems unfortunate and when I've discussed it with outsiders seems reasonable to them. I know that three times, each in different ways is not coincidence that it was about me. That's why the guidelines reference was a revelation. Help please, what do I do now?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 30, 2013
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You keep talking here hun you keep reaching out to people around you we understand and we will not push you away hugs
  3. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    How can I recognise when I start? What do I do then?
  4. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel SF Supporter

    Theodora - I am glad you started this thread, and as someone who has made a lifelong career out of pushing people away, I can very much relate to what you are saying.

    I became aware a long time ago of this major irony about depression: it forces us to isolate ourselves at the very times we most need people close to us. Depression saps all our energy to the point that the mere thought of picking up the phone and talking to someone seems simply too overwhelming. (At least for me.)

    That is part of the reason I push people away. There is also an inherent lack of trust I harbour towards all human beings. Personal betrayal will do that. I have basically lived my whole life according to the creed, "Leave behind others before YOU are left behind."

    I have pushed others away as an unconscious self-defence mechanism, yet ultimately, of course, this is doubly self-destructive.

    As a character once said on my favourite soap opera: "Funny how, when you keep pushing people away, eventually they all leave."

    So true. People who swore they would never leave me eventually did anyway. Then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy because then I was always able to say: "See? Told you so. I told you that you would one day leave me, and you did."

    Self-awareness is important here, I think. If we can realize the times when we are pushing someone away, and ask ourselves why we are doing this, then perhaps we can stop ourselves before we lose everyone.
  5. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Thanks for replying. Do you know how you do it? I'm struggling to find common denominators for me. With two of the friends I thought they were getting bored/ decided I wasn't for them some time before. So I then reduced my contact with them only for them to suddenly (ish) up the contact. Am aware that I feel and have often felt that friends only need me to satisfy their needs not mine. But am also aware I am needy and get over involved easily.
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