Question for everyone on this site....
- Thread starter Hopeiseverything
- Start date
I don't know really, I guess for me the feeling just seems to naturally calm down after a time, I don't do anything specific. I've never been to therapy or been on meds so I just wait it out basically. Sometimes I become desensitized to whatever triggered me to become suicidal so that stops the feelings, or I just naturally get better at coping with stuff as time goes on so that stops me from feeling suicidal, or if the circumstances that trigger me to be suicidal start getting better then the suicidal feelings go away.
I probably didn't experience suicidal feelings as strong as many members here, al though I still am depressed and have that feeling every once in a while. For me it's mostly the small pleasures in life. Even as simple as a fancy breakfast. All the aesthetics, they are never enough. We need to live to get more of them.
I cannot attest to being suicidal no longer, but why keeps me going is my girlfriend, pets and a handful of hobbies. It’s easy for me to lose sight of these things some days. I often get so overwhelmed by this world and want to leave it, but at the same time, this is an incredibly unique time in history. Personally, I love having endless knowledge at my finger tips.
I’m sorry to ramble, but I guess this could translate to just taking things one day at a time. Even one hour at a time. Taking life slowly in that manner has made things slightly easier to face.
I’m sorry to ramble, but I guess this could translate to just taking things one day at a time. Even one hour at a time. Taking life slowly in that manner has made things slightly easier to face.
I had a mental breakdown around age 45. It took the doctors a long time to figure out why, about 2 years. It was determined that I was bipolar and had gone into deep mania and become psychotic. I grew gradually worse, trying different medications. Recently I found the perfect combo, about 6 months ago. Having the right medication is what keeps me from being suicidal. It took about 7 years. I also made a covenant with myself that I would never end my own life, no matter how bad I got. I did that for myself, not really for anyone else, because I know there are cycles of bad times and good times. I also have my daughters; I would not want to leave them with that heritage.
i dont think its something you get over, its something you learn to live with, like a alcoholic learns to live with needing a drink everyday or a smoker with needing a fag everyday, its not just something you get over, I had my last suicide attempt about 10 years ago and I still think about it often enough but will never act upon it! but i know its their and i have just trianed myself everyday to live with this in my life!
At this point I don't think that my suffering over the next, say, three years will be greater than the suffering of my family for the next three years if I killed myself today. So It's basically a hostage situation. If shit gets way worse somehow or if my family grows distant from me I'll go ahead and head toward the exit. Not going to kms out of a lack of hope, however, there has to be some really bad shit either happening or very close to happening for me to do it. At this point, at least. Not going to kill myself beause I started comparing myself to others or because I realized I've never had a gf.
As others members have said, there's really no exact recipe for this.
After my first and only attempt, more than 10 years ago, I have gotten much better and darkest thoughts only crossed my mind again when I had a bad breakup 4 years ago, but I am past that. In general I am stable now, I do have my ups and down. I have learned to accept that this is how life is, and that the idea of durable happiness is just an utopia. Self-compassion, forgiveness and the will of getting help if needed, I think they help to relieve all the pressure on yourself. In addition, to have goals, whether they're small or big, keeping yourself occupied, being curious and surrounding yourself with people who show they care, you can benefit significantly from all these. But the most important thing, and I know it seems hard to grasp it in the toughest times, as your nickname tells, is to see that little flame of hope. Everywhere. Always. Because there's always an option. Good luck xx
After my first and only attempt, more than 10 years ago, I have gotten much better and darkest thoughts only crossed my mind again when I had a bad breakup 4 years ago, but I am past that. In general I am stable now, I do have my ups and down. I have learned to accept that this is how life is, and that the idea of durable happiness is just an utopia. Self-compassion, forgiveness and the will of getting help if needed, I think they help to relieve all the pressure on yourself. In addition, to have goals, whether they're small or big, keeping yourself occupied, being curious and surrounding yourself with people who show they care, you can benefit significantly from all these. But the most important thing, and I know it seems hard to grasp it in the toughest times, as your nickname tells, is to see that little flame of hope. Everywhere. Always. Because there's always an option. Good luck xx
For me the turning point came when I decided that MY opinion of myself was the only opinion that mattered. That sounds very simple, but getting to that place where I believed that I was that important (only MY opinion mattered) was not simple at all. I became suicidal at a very young age because I wanted so badly to be loved and approved of and never was, never felt like anything but a failure at everything I ever tried to do. Everyone's opinion of me was overwhelmingly bad-that includes all family and friends. I'd been treated like a failure for so long-I decided that many people couldn't be wrong. They were right-I was garbage, a waste of human life and they'd all be better off without me. But now I know that they were wrong about me-I wasn't garbage. I wasn't a failure.
That was their opinion of me, they're entitled to have an opinion. I also was entitled to have my own opinion of myself. I decided that I deserved infinite amounts of kindness and compassion and made a commitment to always give those things to myself. They all still hate me and think I'm sick and crazy. I disagree-that's my right. I was a complicated child who required a little more time and energy than most. That was all-that was my mortal sin-being more sensitive than most children. Today I'm happy and healthy, haven't had a single moment of suicidal thinking or depression in over a dozen years. People can think whatever they want about me-but MY opinion will always be based upon love, kindness and compassion.
That was their opinion of me, they're entitled to have an opinion. I also was entitled to have my own opinion of myself. I decided that I deserved infinite amounts of kindness and compassion and made a commitment to always give those things to myself. They all still hate me and think I'm sick and crazy. I disagree-that's my right. I was a complicated child who required a little more time and energy than most. That was all-that was my mortal sin-being more sensitive than most children. Today I'm happy and healthy, haven't had a single moment of suicidal thinking or depression in over a dozen years. People can think whatever they want about me-but MY opinion will always be based upon love, kindness and compassion.
I don't think that there was a specific turning point - it something that just gradually became less frequent. I definitely 'relapsed' more than once and I can imagine a multitude of scenarios where another relapse would occur. I still have moments but they are fleeting and don't need the same concerted effort to drag myself out of the spiral as it used to. The suicidal feelings didn't just go away one day and there wasn't a single thing that set me on an upward path. It was small improvements that added up to a generally better situation over time. And meds. The meds gave me the brain space I needed to start to feel something that wasn't a black sucking hole.
I admire you having a covenant with yourself, how did you reach this decision to guarantee that you would never do it? This is something that I am massively battling and my husband is waiting to here me say, but I simply can't say it. Although I would say days are getting a little better at times, I can't let go of the possibility that one day I will take that final leap. That the option is there. I need to keep that possibility and have absolutely no idea how to ever give it up.
Two things make me want to stay alive and have to stay alive.
First because my Impossible Dream came true in 2019. So I have to stay alive to enjoy it.
Secondly, it's my therapist who taught me the lesson of Reincarnation. In other words, if I commit suicide, it won't solve my problem at all, because my same problem will continue in my next reincarnation. I'm so grateful that he taught me that because it gave me the guts to take constructive action to solve my problems. Whereas if I had committed suicide, it would be back to square one, and I would have to resume the same problem again. It would just be a resumption.
So I'm grateful that I endured all these many years of struggle because it means that my next reincarnation will be better.
First because my Impossible Dream came true in 2019. So I have to stay alive to enjoy it.
Secondly, it's my therapist who taught me the lesson of Reincarnation. In other words, if I commit suicide, it won't solve my problem at all, because my same problem will continue in my next reincarnation. I'm so grateful that he taught me that because it gave me the guts to take constructive action to solve my problems. Whereas if I had committed suicide, it would be back to square one, and I would have to resume the same problem again. It would just be a resumption.
So I'm grateful that I endured all these many years of struggle because it means that my next reincarnation will be better.
A while back I thought it would be nice to have what I needed as a kind of comforting thought. I would look at it and know that whenever I wanted to I could end it. Death for me was a warm cozy feeling, like crawling into a bed with flannel sheets on a winter night. I could never quite bring myself to buy it though. To have it right there, ready to go, would be too easy. I would think about it every day and the more I thought about it the more likely i would be to do it. Now I try to do the opposite; every time suicide comes to mind I quickly discard that thought and move on to something else. This is called cognitive recalibrating; I discussed it with a therapist. Right now your mind is calibrated thus; "something bad happened, wouldn't it be nice to just not be here any more." If you fight that with a thought like "something bad happened, here is what I will do about it" then gradually your mind becomes recalibrated to think differently automatically.
The first half of what you have written here is so me. Absolutely the comfort of the idea, like snuggling under the blanket. It’s my calm place, I describe it as coming in to land from all the turmoil that goes on in my head.
Thank you for explaining the recalibration process. It sounds interesting. Rather than enveloping myself in the comfort of the thought, trying to fight against it. Easy to say, perhaps not so easy to do but worth a try. It was really kind of you to share this with me.
Thank you for explaining the recalibration process. It sounds interesting. Rather than enveloping myself in the comfort of the thought, trying to fight against it. Easy to say, perhaps not so easy to do but worth a try. It was really kind of you to share this with me.
Therapy has helped me more than I thought it would, both individual and group therapy. It's helped me to recognise my thoughts and behaviours are a reaction to things that were out of my control at the time but that I'm perfectly capable of being in control of my life now. I deserve better and I have every right to ask for what I need. Medication has had an impact too although not nearly as much as therapy. It took me several years to accept that medication isn't a magic pill to make everything better. All the while I was waiting to find this mythical magical pill I wasn't putting in the effort to help myself. After over three years of trying what felt like every combination known to man we've finally found one that does help. It certainly hasn't cured me but it helps to take the edge off when things feel like they're slipping.
Probably the thing that's helped the most is acceptance. I attended a course on mental health and was told that it's not about curing it, it's about learning to walk alongside it. At first this thought made me absolutely furious. I didn't want to learn to walk alongside it, I wanted it gone. But after three years of therapy I get it. Our experiences make us who we are and we can't change the past. But we can learn how to challenge our negative thoughts - we might still have those thoughts but we understand where they came from and that they may not be accurate. My go to reaction to certain thoughts and feelings is to think of suicide. That hasn't changed. But I can now mostly accept that that's just how my head works. It's taken the power out of those thoughts. I don't think I ever have a day when I don't think about it at least once but they're just thoughts, I don't have to follow them through. And by accepting them as such they can come and go without causing the distress they once did.
Probably the thing that's helped the most is acceptance. I attended a course on mental health and was told that it's not about curing it, it's about learning to walk alongside it. At first this thought made me absolutely furious. I didn't want to learn to walk alongside it, I wanted it gone. But after three years of therapy I get it. Our experiences make us who we are and we can't change the past. But we can learn how to challenge our negative thoughts - we might still have those thoughts but we understand where they came from and that they may not be accurate. My go to reaction to certain thoughts and feelings is to think of suicide. That hasn't changed. But I can now mostly accept that that's just how my head works. It's taken the power out of those thoughts. I don't think I ever have a day when I don't think about it at least once but they're just thoughts, I don't have to follow them through. And by accepting them as such they can come and go without causing the distress they once did.