I hate being the kind of person that claims to "never do it again" only to then "do it again". I hate being the kind of person that is so impulsive they talk about how ashamed they are to do certain things when someone that is actually ashamed would obviously keep it secret.
My family situation was highly awkward and problematic, I remember my mother saying "There's always something". I hated being the "dramatic autistic girl". I want to be anything but.
Being described as "open and honest" makes me feel fatter, wider, bigger than I actually am. (I could weigh 93 lbs or whatevr, but to get described as that makes me feel 200 lbs or so heavier, and miserable because of it)
The more I weigh, the weirder and uglier looking my hair is, the redder my cheeks, the more "simlike" "sluglike" I feel.
The more "simlike" "sluglike" I am convinced I am the worst I feel.
The very painful realisation that everyone dissociates more than you. Everyone creates complex universes and worlds in their imagination and you don't. Everyone has an existential crisis and you don't. And by "everyone" I don't mean LITERALLY everyone, but I mean EVERYONE you envy, i.e. the less "simlike" "sluglike" people.
The beauty of esoteric knowledge is that you're not allowed to know. Why else would the invisible be invisible?
My family situation was highly awkward and problematic, I remember my mother saying "There's always something". I hated being the "dramatic autistic girl". I want to be anything but.
Being described as "open and honest" makes me feel fatter, wider, bigger than I actually am. (I could weigh 93 lbs or whatevr, but to get described as that makes me feel 200 lbs or so heavier, and miserable because of it)
The more I weigh, the weirder and uglier looking my hair is, the redder my cheeks, the more "simlike" "sluglike" I feel.
The more "simlike" "sluglike" I am convinced I am the worst I feel.
The very painful realisation that everyone dissociates more than you. Everyone creates complex universes and worlds in their imagination and you don't. Everyone has an existential crisis and you don't. And by "everyone" I don't mean LITERALLY everyone, but I mean EVERYONE you envy, i.e. the less "simlike" "sluglike" people.
The beauty of esoteric knowledge is that you're not allowed to know. Why else would the invisible be invisible?