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Random Tears

Trixie

Well-Known Member
#1
I was contentedly doing laundry while listening to Rascal Flatts and singing at the top of my lungs like I so often do. Suddenly, seemingly out of no where, I started crying.

I had to backtrack a bit and figure out exactly where my thoughts had been. My cat, Sierra, is going on 19 years old. She vomited several times today, behaving as though she had a headache, pushing her head into my hand. Her pupils aren't dilating properly, one is larger than the other, which is never a good sign. Her lack of appetite concerns me, yet she did eat a little tonight. She also has a thyroid problem which I've been managing with medication. I doubt I'll have her much longer given her age and health issues. Her veterinarian is simply helping me keep her as comfortable as we can. I've had to euthanize pets before. That's never an easy decision. How will I know when it's time? With my other beloved pets, it was a matter of their kidneys shutting down with no hope of recovery.

My worry over Sierra's health had me thinking a lot about death and dying and loss -- so many losses these last two years -- which got me thinking about my mom. That was it. The thoughts of losing Sierra and the loss of Mom. A realization and new understanding hit me which brought me to tears. One of my very, very first memories as a child is that of Mom doing the exact same thing, busily doing housework with the radio on, usually tuned in to WJFC (country & gospel music), singing. She used to do that all the time when I was little. I loved listening to my mom sing. It comforted me. A few times I remember her crying, too. Once, I asked why. She said her dad crossed her mind, and she missed him. I fully "get" that, now. The loss of parents is like no other sadness. I am so, so thankful that my mother gave me the gift of music. It can heal a broken heart in ways nothing else can.

I sat with my sorrow today and let it pour from my eyes as Sierra comforted me as she so often does when she sees I'm sad. She was already clingy because she's not feeling well, but I appreciated my cat's empathy and unconditional love today. Her hugs truly are the best. I'm grateful for whatever time we have left together.

I ran across this article the other day and found it insightful: 11 Things About You That Will Change When You Lose Your Parents
 

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