This is going to be more of a look inside Nick's head than anything. Possibly deeper than what you were going for here. I'm going to attempt to be as realistic as possible, while understanding that I often do not have a positive view of myself. Here goes ...
1. Physical appearance.
I can't objectively quantify this. I'm able to grasp that my view of my appearance is distorted and not an accurate representation of reality, but I'm not able to find words that might accurately depict it. Some events occurred over the last year and in my mind they confirmed the idea I am disgusting. I have been unable to shake that. Things I used to find enjoyable I can no longer do. My mind is captivated by thoughts of nobody, never and other such definitive statements. All in and I cannot be realistic in this area.
2. Intelligence.
Intelligence can be broken down into multiple areas. I'm highly intelligent in some areas and well below average in others.
When it comes to spreadsheets, numbers, data, logic, quantifying things, research, physics, metaphysics, and anything of this realm I'm your guy! This is where my intelligence is based. Need a query, I got you. Need data, I can find it. If I don't know the answer I'll do what I can to figure it out.
I find history fascinating, but I'm not able to retain information such as dates, places or names. Need to know the capital of North Dakota? I'm not your guy. The 29th President of the USA? Nope. How many Presidents the USA has had? still nope. Where is Uganda? Nope. Who sang ....? Nope. That's not how my brain works. That information simply isn't stored. I would lose the game "Are you Smarter than a 5th grader?" despite having a high IQ, because I'm still stupid in my some ways.
Social Intelligence, NOPE. I am not able to read social situations. I don't know when people want me to leave. I don't know when people don't want to talk about something. I don't know when I've said something wrong. I don't read subtle AT ALL. You have to be clear. If you aren't direct, I'm not going to understand. I'm also probably not going to ask either, because I'm so tired of trying to figure out what's going on. I'm tired of trying to figure out the world and how to communicate. I've literally poured hours and hours into researching it for the last 8 months and I'm no closer to understanding. I've clearly gone horribly wrong in many situations, but I cannot identify
what it is that I did that was the wrong thing. I cannot fix it until I know the problem. The only advice I've managed to find helpful in all my research is avoid topics of people change the subject, and to back off and not smoother people. I have no idea of this is good advice.
Emotional Intelligence ... I have none. I am not capable to properly identifying feelings. I do not understand feeling words. I try to explain to people how I am feeling, but I sense frustration because I cannot do it correctly. Part of me no longer sees the point in trying. I see a feelings chart and the faces all look the same, they mean nothing. I want to tell my friends how I feel. I know it is important to them. I know they care. I also do not wish to frustrate them with my incompetence. The fact it might take me 30 min to find the words to explain, what it is. Nobody has the patience for that, nor should they.
3. Being a "good" person.
I do have good qualities. I genuinely care about the people who are important to me. I would literally go to any length for them. I would do anything for them. If the people who are the most important to me told me they would be happiest if I wasn't a part of their lives, I would leave them alone. It would hurt deeply, but they mean that much. I try to make the right decisions. I fail often, but I do try. My past makes it difficult for me to see myself as a good person. I am able to see that my past does not define who I am in the present. I'm able to see that I do have the desire to be a good person, and I strive for that.
4. Having a likeable personality (in general).
Some people like my personality and some don't. I'm not everyone's cup of tea, and I'm not sure I'm meant to be. People like that I'm fair and consistent. When I was a boss my employees always liked that I didn't play favorites, and the expectations and rules were clear and the same for everyone. You did right I'd fight for you. You did wrong, you got a write up. It was clean and clear. Overall I'm probably not that likable. I tend to be overly direct, especially in live conversation. Customers like me because I don't bs them, I guess they aren't used to that. My boss doesn't mind that I don't lie to them. "Yes sir, we made a mistake", "Yes, our payment site is not the best we are working to upgrade it" ... yeah. eh. So, I'm like able to some. That's fine.
5. Being driven/ambitious/one who can make a great future.
I'm driven to a point. When I have a goal, and I really want it, I'm driven to find a way to achieve it. I've got to want it though. It's got to be something I've fully committed to. I wanted to get off drugs, and I did. It wasn't easy. I didn't just snap my fingers and bam it happened. I had to work at it. It took years to get to the point I wanted it though. I quit my job back in April. Might not seem very ambitious, but it was to make a better future. I couldn't stay there for my own well being. It was the right choice. In some ways I'm lazy (scared). In other ways I'm driven. It depends.
6. Being good at X (something that means a lot to you).
I'm good at logic! (not being logical lol there's a difference). I love logic puzzles, figuring things out. Solving things. Finding solutions.
7. Having an X characteristic (something that means a lot to you).
I'm loyal. I'm like that puppy that never goes away no matter how many times you kick me.
So, yeah this is a lot of words and I got off track a couple times but eh.
@Walker knows me pretty well so he would know if I'm being realistic or delusional.
