Recovering..

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by cleeda123, Jul 27, 2013.

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  1. cleeda123

    cleeda123 Member

    Hi I'm a recovering bulimic and over the past 2 years have gone from overweight, to underweight, to a normal healthy weight and now I am back to being overweight again, I am now the heaviest I have ever been. The thing is logically I know I'm not fat, I'm carrying extra weight around my bum and hips, and my face is a little round but I am not fat, however I feel disgusted with myself. For the past week, after deciding I'd had enough I started to change my life round again, but this time the healthy way, I'm training for a 1/2 marathon in honour of MIND charity and so have been running and doing workouts every day as well as eating very well. But this morning I came on my monthly woman's time and I haven't been able to stop eating, I've had 2 pieces of pizza, half a big bar of galaxy and a slice of cake, and I'm cramping too much to exercise really. I know I should put it down to a bad day and start again, but I am freaking out about it :(
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun do not be too hard on yourself ok we all have those days of cravings I hope you will feel better tomorrow and i home you do well in your marathon hun hugs
     
  3. cleeda123

    cleeda123 Member

    Thank you is just so hard not to revert back into old habits. I was up until about 4 am tossing and turning because I felt so guilty and now I feel like I have to deprive myself today in order to 'cancel out' yesterday, even though I know logically that it doesn't work like that.
     
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am always so relieved to know that someone who has an ED has done well in treatment. Thats a great sign. Please know I so understand ( from my own perspective) the feeling you are describing. I have not been bulimic. But I have spent years as a starver. And I have lived years as a compulsive eater. I understand all too well the pain associated with feeling I have eaten too much. Or gained a bit of weight. Feeling big even if others think I am normal weight. For me it is all warped. Its body dysmorphia. Which leads to agony.

    I understand making progress and then the constant fear of reverting back to old habbits. The fear and threat is a constant companion. As is the pain associated with thinking I am always a breath away from being big. Which is of course completely warped thinking. The pain of wanting to eat. And trying to just wait another hour or two. Then the guilt........

    I think the only antidote to it all is to continue activly working in therapy or support groups on the issues of and surrounding the ED. It is such a complex condition that takes a long time to heal. Is there any way you can find help to continue working on it? For me I think of it personally as like an alcoholic. They are not just treated and released to their own devices. The work continues after the innitial treatment. Even if treatment was for one or two years. I cannot say that this analogy is correct for everyone. But for me, it is.

    I hope you can find some relief in continuing treatment. I think everyone deserves to be free of this excruciatingly painful condition. And I am talking about all of the components of it. But I think freedom takes a much longer time than most people realize. Time working in it with other people's assistance. just my opinion. Please take whatever words here that feel right to you. And disregard the rest. And please know you are not alone !!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 28, 2013
  5. cleeda123

    cleeda123 Member

    Thank you flowers. I find it hard to look for help concerning my eating disorder now that i have gained weight again, I feel like i don't deserve the help because there are people who suffer from a much bigger degree than I do.
     
  6. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Sigh. I understand. this disease is so hard. I personally think that ongoing help is always optimal. But I do understand how reaching out can be so hard. I do. If there is ever any way I can support you in reaching out, just let me know. Otherwise I will support you just where you are. Because you deserve support and caring. always !
     
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