For the last couple of months I’ve had time to think about everything in my life. No matter how many times I try to avoid it or distract myself. I still can’t figure it out. When we are 18 years old we are supposed to have it all figured out, what career path we want, what kind of lifestyle we want and who we are supposed to be. In the middle of living your life, you decide you don’t want this life anymore, you are sick of the routines, the life society told you are supposed to have. the office job with a manger who does not value you, the everyday traffic commutes and the 9-5 waste of life. Didn’t realize that starting over would be this hard. I have reached my 30s and it feels like I have been surviving for so long and now that I can actually live my life, I see no future in sight. I am more lost than I have ever been. I feel like the depression, suicide and eating disorders took that person away from me and now I have to start all over, not even sure who I am supposed to be. I thought in college I was figuring out who I was and as it turns out I was just trying to survive and trying to fit into a career that society created for me. I feel like a failure, I feel like I wasted my teenage and college years of building who I am, just to tear her down and create someone new. I feel like everyone in my life has their own lives and has figured it out. I am just here completely lost, not sure what next step I should take. you know, they say choose a career and a life you be happy in, but I feel like depression has stolen that from me. I still don’t know what to do or who to be. I just didn’t know that creating a whole different person would be this hard. I’ve had ideas of the person I want to be, but I feel like I can’t make it there. I just feel like I have failed.
-
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Please read THIS THREAD about a rebrand for SF.
Reinvent myself
- Thread starter Dani24
- Start date
That's normal. I don't mean statistically normal, but something to be expected. I'm almost 30 and I spent most of my life disabled by autonomic symptoms and chronic pain, couldn't even build my first career to get disappointed in. However this allows me to observe the thing from the outside and I can tell that
1) literally nobody knows who they are and what they want at 18 aside from extremely rare exceptions, basically savant people who happened to find their passion early in life and be supported in it. I have been in several colleges and most people have no idea why they're there, they just chose it randomly or their parent told them to
2) most adult people likewise do not live the life they choose, they don't even have the concept of choosing outside of "what gives me the most acceptance and normalcy". Being able to even ask what YOU want is rare. Also tons of people just work whatever shitty job is available because they born in poverty and bad conditions.
3) most people who have realized that they didn't live the life they wanted do it at about 50 years old
What I mean to say is that you haven't failed, we are all forced into rat race before we can figure anything out. Some people just get lucky, some people are good at convincing themselves that everything is normal, some people are bad at convincing themselves, some just never make it. If you physically can do something about it that's all that matters, the abstract notion of being late and failed doesn't
1) literally nobody knows who they are and what they want at 18 aside from extremely rare exceptions, basically savant people who happened to find their passion early in life and be supported in it. I have been in several colleges and most people have no idea why they're there, they just chose it randomly or their parent told them to
2) most adult people likewise do not live the life they choose, they don't even have the concept of choosing outside of "what gives me the most acceptance and normalcy". Being able to even ask what YOU want is rare. Also tons of people just work whatever shitty job is available because they born in poverty and bad conditions.
3) most people who have realized that they didn't live the life they wanted do it at about 50 years old
What I mean to say is that you haven't failed, we are all forced into rat race before we can figure anything out. Some people just get lucky, some people are good at convincing themselves that everything is normal, some people are bad at convincing themselves, some just never make it. If you physically can do something about it that's all that matters, the abstract notion of being late and failed doesn't
If you're in the US you may be eligible for what is called "vocational rehabilitation" if you can prove that you have a disability that is a barrier to work. Lots of other countries also have similar services.
It sounds like a sense of direction would help a lot, and possibly voc. rehab. could give that to you. Just some concrete ideas about what sort of things would be a good fit for you.
I think sometimes they can also give you some free job training.
It sounds like a sense of direction would help a lot, and possibly voc. rehab. could give that to you. Just some concrete ideas about what sort of things would be a good fit for you.
I think sometimes they can also give you some free job training.
