I have constant anxiety, mostly stemming from obsessive thoughts. It's so difficult to snap myself out of the dark mood I get into when I have these intrusive, horrifying thoughts. All of my "What if" questions seem to revolve around self-harm, loved ones suddenly dying, or loss of cherished items. I was "the fat kid," so I was ridiculed for my weight throughout grade school and secondary education. The most hurtful comments came from my family, the ones who are supposed to love me the most. My step-dad was instrumental in my mental abuse: if I wasn't fat, I was stupid. Although, I have always had confidence in my academic abilities (I was in gifted programs, graduated top 10 in my high school class of 520, and received scholarships for university where I'm in the Honors program), so constantly having my intelligence questioned just furthered my introversion. I question every time I speak if the words coming out of my mouth are even worthy of anyone hearing them. I have such low self-esteem, and I hate it. I'm always worried about my weight, which I shouldn't be because I'm quite average in build, and about never being successful at anything I try. I've been going to therapy. I'm on medication to treat my OCD and depression. I'm just afraid I'll never see myself as valuable, and I will always be suicidal. How can I learn to appreciate myself? Looking in the mirror everyday and telling myself to isn't working very well.