I can't stop crying. And I feel guilty... I haven't shed this many tears for half of my family that passed away... but here I am, crying because Prince the legendary genius of a musician has passed away. I had two idols as a teenager... Michael Jackson and Prince (other than Lord of The Rings). I was a very strange girl... everyone always made fun of me... I weighed too much, I was too weird (turns out I had an IQ that was too high for me to socialize with kids my own age since I was a little girl...)... I saw Purple Rain the film and fell in love with him... He was one of the first men I actually had a crush on; before that I only associated men with danger... I developed my own clothing and hair style... well I had several looks... but I made an effort to look different. I still do. I dared to be different. It helped me a lot with my social anxiety... I always felt like people were staring... but now I could at least convince myself (most of the time) that they were only looking at my clothes... I got bullied for my clothing style... I mean, small town and there is me with black clothes, chains, painted teardrops or stars or other stuff on my cheeks, wild makeup... weird hair... I know that's not all that Prince (or Michael Jackson for that matter) stood for... but it was part of what he meant for me. I also think Prince gave me a confidence to realize my sexuality, and who I was... who I really am. Had I not dressed this way, and found myself I would never have found my best friend either. My best friend found me eating alone 8 years ago in school... my former 'friend's friends didn't want to bother with me so I'd rather eat alone... and that's how my best friend found me. We still laugh about it. She was this 'scary' goth girl and she scared me to death. "You sit with us, NOW!" She demanded... and I was seriously scared she would eat me or something... She would never have noticed me if not for my clothes... and now we're best friends and so, so close. I just... I feel like all my idols are dying now too... I lost half my family and now my idols are dying left and right.