I hate being home and this summer was rough. Ive been depressed for a long time and parents dont know. I see a counselor at school but saw her the day before this all happened and I will see her again next week but I need help now. Since being at home when Im sad I think I cant wait to get back to school cause things should be better (they never are) and I don't really have suicidal thoughts cause I see the future of school. And then I get to school and its miserable. I feel like with whatever change in my life it will be miserable and I just want to give up. I wont hurt myself but I have the thoughts. I always have problems with roommates because I am introvert. Im trying to be more social this year but its not working out. I am a 5th year college student and live in a suite with 3 other girls. We all have our own rooms. Last year I was friends with the roommates until the end of the semester when I became really busy and started realizing how much people drain me. So I spent alot of time alone in my room and roommmates got mad at me cause they thought I was ignoring them and things got awkward so this year should be a fresh start right?? nope. ugh... So I got new roommates this year. They are all nice and I havent talked to them much but hung out with them 2 nights the first week cuz they aksed if I wanted to join them for dinner. I have only know them for 2 weeks now. And 2 went home last weekend. Id say hi when I walked in and stuff. But im awkward and shy so I didnt talk much more. About 1-10 10 being talking alot I talked to them about a 3 or 4 cause I am shy and awkward. Things were ok last week but Monday when both came back and I walked in and they were there I said hey and went striaght to my room. I keep more door open more then I used to. Like alot more. But they have no idea of what i used to do. On Tues and Wed I guess my talking went down to a 1.5 cause all I said was hey. I didnt see them much but when I walked in Emma was in her room and said hi and I said hi back. I came out to the kitchen to make dinner and I didnt talk to them really. I shoulda. I mean I smile when I see them but ugh im awkward. Wed night I walked in around 8pm and they were all in their rooms with doors open and I just walked to mine. I didnt say anythign cuz i think its weird to like look in their room. I found their twitters when I was looking up stuff about them when I got their names. So I look at it every now and then. I went on twitter and Cassie wrote.... "thats cool, just ignore us. See how nice I'll be to you now." that was like 2 mintutes after i walked in she wrote that. And Amanda wrote like 4 hours eailier…."I need new friends" "Oh and also a random roommate who isnt anti social and can actually talk to us like we are human." They have no idea I know they have twitters and can see what they write. So I was like really upset that night about it and I was having anxiety and shaking but I realized they only thing to do is pretend like I never saw it and try talking them to more on Thurs when I see them. So Thurs I saw them in the afternoon. I said hi when Emma walked in. she said hi back but went into her room and then went into kitchen. I went out to kitchen to get a soda and asks how their classes are and get answer good. and they basically ignore me. so few mintues later i bring laptop out to livign room and they are in the kitchen and they are talking about classes and exams so i ask what class and try to talk to them and i just looked at Cassie's twitter a few minutes later and she writes "the awkward moment ur 3rd roommate buts in on ur convo". Im really scared they are going to start being mean and disrespecting me. I can't talk to them about what I saw on twitter because they have no idea I know about their accounts. 2 went home for this weekend and its just Emily now. She reweeted Abby and Courtney's tweets but hasnt said anything of her own yet. Im just really nervous for the next 13 weeks. I hate how people hate me for being myself. Its weird. I have anxiety talking to new roomies but in class I am fine. I dont have many friends. No one ever wants to hang with me but I have aquantinces in class. I am really lonely and just hate life. I dont know what to do about my roommates.