I just wrote a thread about my looking to declutter my room, including excess bedsheets. It hits me while writing that thread that somewhere in this house are, or might be, sheets on which the coercer inflicted on me.
This ties back to something that I've felt for long but only now can put in general words: I feel like every room in which it happened, or every *object*, in my house which was there or touched during the disgusting or as part of the disgusting mistake, is infected, contaminated. I hate, hate, hate it.
The rooms I remember. I have been working on overcoming that. It's disgusting and difficult, but worth facing.
As objects go, I haven't yet unencrypted my memory well enough to learn exactly what all those items are that were present. What few items I *have* recalled are either already eradicated (the bedframe the infliction happened on), or feel too important to me that I don't want to destroy or part with it and would rather try to "cleanse" it than have to get rid it (the blanket that my oma made for me).
I have a hard time handling it. For me, objects and chambers have great value and any having been part of the infliction either are criminal too, or are themselves victims of the same coercion/rape. As I am I couldn't bear this on my own. Thank you for reading if you have.
This ties back to something that I've felt for long but only now can put in general words: I feel like every room in which it happened, or every *object*, in my house which was there or touched during the disgusting or as part of the disgusting mistake, is infected, contaminated. I hate, hate, hate it.
The rooms I remember. I have been working on overcoming that. It's disgusting and difficult, but worth facing.
As objects go, I haven't yet unencrypted my memory well enough to learn exactly what all those items are that were present. What few items I *have* recalled are either already eradicated (the bedframe the infliction happened on), or feel too important to me that I don't want to destroy or part with it and would rather try to "cleanse" it than have to get rid it (the blanket that my oma made for me).
I have a hard time handling it. For me, objects and chambers have great value and any having been part of the infliction either are criminal too, or are themselves victims of the same coercion/rape. As I am I couldn't bear this on my own. Thank you for reading if you have.
