Running out of words

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Anonymous00, Jan 10, 2015.

  1. Anonymous00

    Anonymous00 Well-Known Member

    I dont even know what to say or write anymore. I feel emotionally exhausted.

    Ive been harming myself on and on and no one in this household is even noticing. I mean i try and hide it but then i get hurt when they dont notice. Idk wtf is wrong with me. Nothing makes sense anymore.

    I just want someone to hug me and let me cry without having to hold back noises because they might hear me. I just feel really tired of trying to be okay when im not.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, I understand you want to be noticed so you can finally talk about all the things going through your mind but have you ever opened up to anyone? You talking first without them having to see scars etc... It just might help. They might understand. You should not have to suffer in silence like this. I know it is difficult but sometimes we have to take that leap when we get the opportunity :hug:
  3. Anonymous00

    Anonymous00 Well-Known Member

    I've already told them. They already know what's with me for so many months now but it seems like they forgot completely. It seems like what happened on that day never existed that is why I'm really tired of trying to remind them over and over again. My mental health check up has also been on hold ever since and it seems it has been completely forgotten too.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    If they know what's wrong they may just kind it awkward and uncomfortable to talk about it. Its unquestionably not an easy subject for anyone to discuss. Not something to bring up over dinner for instance but maybe in private. They also may just not know what to say or do.

    I'd try and follow up on the mental health check, have you contacted them? Tell them their services is not good enough, well I would anyway lol! Some aren't as bold as I am!
  5. I know exactly how you feel because I have been in the same place lately. It makes no sense because it's not logical, all I know is how I feel and emotions can't be rationalized. I have found that talking on here has helped some because I don't have to put up a front or try to be anything I'm not. I have still harmed myself recently but I honestly can't even say what my true motives were because I have hidden it so nobody notices but at the same time I wish at least somebody knew that might also know something that helps.

    Have you checked out the chat rooms? I have been to them and just talking about random stuff can be a nice distraction at times.
  6. Dewonderland

    Dewonderland Well-Known Member

    Hello ,

    I will just say I thought I might come here.
    This words "running out of words"

    This is what I feel.
    I've spent years trying to getting myself out of misery, feeling so lonely in my fights.
    Just when I started to get some balance in my life I just lost my job ... because my boss told me I wasn't accepting enough what they were asking me. (aka : they didn't like me asking if we shouldn't get pay when we do extra hours and if it was normal that they try to suppress our payed days off)

    But the point is that I am back on the bottom of myself.
    I can't talk about it to my family because my elder brother is already fragile and I know everyone is exhausted to try to comfort him.
    I don't mean it in a bad way. I understand it's very hard for people who loves you to see you drawn day after day and going back underwater as soon at it seems it might be better. Because they feel useless, they are deeply moved by your pain because they love you but it's like whatever they do doesn't have any meaning because it doesn't solve the problem.

    I running out of world because saying how painfull it is to live doesn't make my pain go away.
    And I have this same feeling that my world doesn't reach anyone.

    I don't think they forget you've been hurt but when you show them you're better, even if you're just pretending, they hope that now everyone is okay. And probably they're to afraid to break this moment of peace if they try to ask you how you feel.

    DOn't give up.
    They love you.
    Tell them how ust listening is helping.
    You have to help them helping you.
    They probably feel scared or at least very disarmed with the strenght of your pain.
  7. smwhorses

    smwhorses Well-Known Member

    Very good points and very well said.

    One of the easiest coping mechanisms people have is denial. If they do not accept something as real or "see" it it doesn't exist and thus does not need to be coped with. Often this is such an automatic response that the person doing it has no control over it. In a hidden walled off corner of their mind your family "knows" what is happening but often it is the very love they have for you that keeps them from accepting that you are going through something that they do not understand. It is always easier for someone outside the situation to see things.

    Try to be more demanding about the health check

    Try to find someone you can talk to that will be able to accept and understand.

    Talk to us anytime!!!
  8. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

    I noticed you wrote in your diary that you thought you were making progress by sharing how you felt with the people around you, but nothing has changed. Unfortunately, sharing isnt always enough. People often have a hard time grasping what mental illness is especially if they have never gone through it themselves. Sometimes they think its just a phase and youll be fine and get over it, or sometimes they just dont get it and dont think its all that important. Sharing helps sometimes, but it doesnt end there. You have to try to get some kind of professional help. You cant rely on the people around you to help you through it 100%...especially if they dont seem to understand the reality of it.