I'm new to this forum, but I have no where else to turn. Right now I'm one breath away from suicide... its the only option left. Ok, so my problem is... well I guess I should say the newest of my problems, is I just recently got an OWI(drunk driving). You may be thinking, well that happens to a lot of people not the end of the world. The thing is it doesn't happen to me... it can't. This is pushing me past my breaking point. I've been depressed and suicidal for way too long, it tends to come and go as it pleases. I usually try to push through the tough times, I have slipped up a few times and tried to commit suicide, but it just never worked out right. Now I'm in a tough time and I don't think I can push through. Why should I just keep on struggling through one event to know that its going to start over again. Every time I think I've actually beat this beast it comes back harder and meaner than the time before. The hardest part is not having anyone to talk to. I am married, but I don't want to scare my husband. He is already very concerned about my mental stability and I don't really want him to understand the full severity. I have friends, but not many of them really know that I even have problems with depression/suicide, I hide it very well. I did have a counseler, but she pretty much told me there was nothing more she could do for me. So that leaves me scared and alone. Oh perhaps I should mention that the reasons that I did not already just do the obvious(suicide). I do have 2 children that I love more than anything. I'm trying to figure out what would be best for them. Is it better to see your mother depressed all of the time or is it better to not see your mother at all? I feel like the second is the more favorable option. Its so hard. I'm so torn. I hate the fact that I'm alive, but I don't want to do anything that could possibly put my children in this same situation. Its tearing me up! I sit here with a drink trying to at least feel numb for a little while. It is the only way I can make it. I wish I had something better... some pill that could numb everything. Then maybe I would be able to go on, but I don't have any of those magical pills so I am forced to contemplate. I'm sorry if my thoughts are coming out so randomly, my head is just a whirlwind of thoughts right now.