Sorry this is a very long post. This happened to me and has scarred me badly. I had suffered clinical depression on and off for a few years, but this event gave me severe depression. It happened a year ago at a so called friends birthday drink up, where a boy the same age as me quite badly sexually bullied me. I didn't like him much when I met him, hes a pretty attention - seeking kind of person, he tried to entertain everyone by prank calling escort agencies, asking for escorts and sending them to someone elses address, he made a crude joke about sleeping with very young girls, which made me feel very uncomfortable to say the least, he then spent about an hour complaining about being sexually fustrated, before turning his attention on me. He started first making fun of me for being a virgin, saying things like 'you would have to put a paper bag over her head for me to f*** her' and saying how much you would have to pay him to have sex with me, and saying I was gay etc etc. He kept telling me how ugly I was, which I found confusing to be honest as most people tell me I'm extremely pretty and get told I look 'angelic'. Every thing about me he could think of that was wrong and he seemed hell bent on convincing me I was gay. This went on for ages, and everyone was backing him like they was all in awe of him for some reason. He started saying the nastiest things you could think of most of which is too explicit for me to write here, incase I end up offending someone. I was really shocked and found it hard to deal with, being a person who is sometimes very shy and of a timid nature. Its like he just met me and hated me for some reason I will never understand. When he couldn't get much of a reaction out of me anymore he tried to force me to suck a dildo, saying he would rape me with it if I didn't. I cried and got really upset saying I didn't want to, but he wouldn't take no for an answer and every time I stopped he was threatening. When I cried I thought it would make him feel sorry for me but it just made him happier. I knew he would do what he said he would do if I didn't do what he said and didn't think anyone would stop him. It was humiliating and degrading and infront of everyone, I don't know how long it went on for but it felt like ages. He filmed this on his phone. I felt really dazed and confused after this night. I dealt with it well at first and didn't cry about it. For some reason I threw away all my clothes and the shoes that I was wearing that night. I don't know why I done this maybe because it would make it like it never happened. I thought it was all over, but the worst was yet to come. A few days later he started messaging me on facebook saying he wanted money otherwise he was going to post the video he had made on facebook and tag hundreds of people in it so quote 'everyone can see what a dirty little virgin you are who doesn't even know how to suck c*** hahaha'. It was £35 at first then it was £50, I panicked as I didn't have the money, but he kept tormenting me with messages and I had a panick attack eventually I came up with the money. He sent the girl I had been friends with whose birthday it had been to come and pick up the money, as quote 'I don't want to be seen with you as I have a rep to keep up'. He said he would delete the video after he got his money. Just when I thought it was over again, he messaged me again saying he still had the video and wanted £100 otherwise it was going on facebook. I had no way of getting this money, and was pleading with him to just leave me alone and that I had done nothing to him and asking why he hated me so much when he barely knew me and I barely knew him. But once again he wouldn't take no for an answer and continued tormenting me with cruel messages and demanding his money. I was so distressed I can't describe it. I threatened to jump infront of a train, to which he told me this was a 'very good idea'. I have never come so close to taking my own life until then, and fully intended to,but I was too much of a coward to kick the chair over. The whole thing culminated in me attempting to section myself as I was unable to cope with all the torment. Some how I came up with the £100 and he sent my ex friend to pick it up off me. I feel I lost a part of me I will never get back, I pushed it to the back of my head for a long time but it still haunts me and the pain and anger is pretty raw. I struggle to deal with these emotions and wish I could go back to being the person I was before all of this happened to me. I still find it very hard to accept this happened to me. In my opinion the best way to deal with things in your past is to accept that they happened and that these things that happened to you make you who you are and then they lose their impact and you stop thinking about them, but this is much easier said then done and I struggle to do this. I felt like I had no control at all, and its horrible having someone have so much power over you like this. Since these events I bumped into him in town about 5 months ago, I lost my temper and swore at him, he started rubbing salt in the wounds by saying 'do remember when I made you shove that dildo in your mouth and you cried and said you didn't wanna you freak', he called me a weirdo and kept saying 'your a freak!!'. He said 'I know people you silly little girl!' then informed me that he was sending a girl to come and 'smack me in the mouth' for mouthing off at him. Its not nice for anyone being called a freak, but is pretty hard for me, as despite having an extremely high IQ (116 to be precise, meaning I tecnically have what they call 'superior intelligence'), and AS - levels I have a neurological condition called 'dyspraxia'. This is classified as a learning difficulty, and has always made me feel different to other people my own age, it means I am very immature for someone my age and sometimes behave like a child, have slightly impaired social skills, tend to take things literally, limited spacial awareness, very bad short term memory and find it hard to follow instructions given to me, and my brain has a lower processing speed.' People sometimes don't believe me when I tell them the age I am, because I act, talk and look younger. It effects my behaviour and sometimes people think I am stoned when Im not and rarely smoke weed. I get told I am 'sweet and innocent', which is a pretty ironic way to describe someone who listens to heavy metal, has abused recreational drugs and makes a nice living shoplifting. I thought I had an autistic spectrum disorder, but am told I don't classify for this as I have too good verbal reasoning and my social skills are too advanced to have aspergers. I feel I am quite a likeable person in general and get told I am 'funny' and 'really pretty' and I seem to have the ability to form intense interpersonal relationships with certain people I 'click' with. However, what happened still gets to me, he took away my dignity and shattered my self -esteem. I find it hard to deal with the fact I came so close to taking my own life and nearly did. I don't understand how someone could have such a lack of compassion and be so cruel. I realise he probably wanted to have power over someone else to make himself feel better about his own problems, he was also bullied at school and has teeth missing at the back of his mouth because of this and in my opinion suffers from NPD. But knowing this still don't make me feel any better about what he done to me. Weirdly, its actually the blackmail that gets to me more, I think this is because it was just sheer torment. My ex friend who I no longer have any contact with justified what happened with ' it was all just banter that one night' and that the boy who done it is the only ""normal"" person she talks to. I really wish I could forget what happened but it seems to have really scarred me.