I'm struggling more than I can put into words right now 
This weekend, I lost my cat in my arms. He had been declining over a matter of hours. I couldn't afford an emergency vet at the weekend, and I made the decision to wait until the morning to get him help because I honestly thought he would be okay until then. He lay next to me trying to purr, but then he cried out in pain. I immediately picked him up to tell him i was there and decided I didn't care about the cost anymore; I was taking him to the vet, no matter how much debt it put me in. But while I was holding him, after what felt like forever, he suddenly went limp. I knew he'd passed away. Since then I've been overwhelmed with guilt. I keep thinking about whether I should have had him checked sooner over the past few months and whether I could have saved him. I can't stop replaying everything in my head. I see his poor face looking through me and his toguna sticking out like he could breath. Is it my fault?
I've had him since 2011, around the time my mental health problems first began. He wasn't "just a cat" to me, he was my child, my best friend, and my constant companion through some of the hardest years of my life.
Right now I'm devastated, heartbroken, and struggling with thoughts that I don't want to be here without him. I am already getting professional help, but the grief feels unbearable at the moment. I miss him more than I can describe.
I just needed to share this with people who might understand. Thank you for reading.
This weekend, I lost my cat in my arms. He had been declining over a matter of hours. I couldn't afford an emergency vet at the weekend, and I made the decision to wait until the morning to get him help because I honestly thought he would be okay until then. He lay next to me trying to purr, but then he cried out in pain. I immediately picked him up to tell him i was there and decided I didn't care about the cost anymore; I was taking him to the vet, no matter how much debt it put me in. But while I was holding him, after what felt like forever, he suddenly went limp. I knew he'd passed away. Since then I've been overwhelmed with guilt. I keep thinking about whether I should have had him checked sooner over the past few months and whether I could have saved him. I can't stop replaying everything in my head. I see his poor face looking through me and his toguna sticking out like he could breath. Is it my fault?
I've had him since 2011, around the time my mental health problems first began. He wasn't "just a cat" to me, he was my child, my best friend, and my constant companion through some of the hardest years of my life.
Right now I'm devastated, heartbroken, and struggling with thoughts that I don't want to be here without him. I am already getting professional help, but the grief feels unbearable at the moment. I miss him more than I can describe.
I just needed to share this with people who might understand. Thank you for reading.
