schizo

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by aqua, Oct 23, 2013.

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  1. aqua

    aqua Banned Member

    I cant take it anymore, being schizophrenic, having depression, being different than everyone else,
    I have so many weird thoughts, its driving me crazy. i take the pills but the paranoia doesn't go away
    things are not getting better. i am at the end of my rope. the things i am hearing in my head right now
    are scary and crazy, but then seem so true.
     
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Aqua. somehow you have to make it through until you can see the doctor :hug: Remember this is not who you are. It is something you are suffering with. I have seen people who did get stabalized when they had schizophrenia. Will you call back the place you have an apt next week and see if there has been a cancellation? Explain whats happening. Can you do that. Please believe me that I promise you are not crazy. And you honresly are not different from everyone else. You just do not know people who have this condition. I do :hug: I know some very good people who have it.
     
  3. aqua

    aqua Banned Member

    Flowers you have been so kind, thank you. i will call again to see about a cancellation, its just getting so hard, the everyday depression, and the thoughts of suicide the crazy things i have been imagining and the feelings of rejection, its all becoming overwhelming, i cry and i cut and i do other things that are not right, I just feel so out there,
     
  4. aqua

    aqua Banned Member

    Too much to handle, sorry for taking up space got to go, wish you all well .
     
  5. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Aqua please do not give up on sf. Do not let those thooughts determine your actions. Please keep fighting to not believe the thoughts and voices. you mean a lot. you are important. I care :hug: :arms: keep pming me. okay?
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi aqua i have family that have the illness as well the thing is way they are unstable they go to the emergency dept and see on call psychiatrist there. It is the quickest way to get your medication adjusted Do not wait ok get someone to take you to hospital or to your gp even your gp can adjust your meds some
     
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It took awhile but you can get strong and well the voices can be taken away ok so many new meds now hun too many to mention but they are very affective with less side effects
    Hope with help of your doctors you can get well soon ok tell the voices they are not wanted right now you need your rest the medication will kick in soon so dont give up ok
     
  8. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Aqua, I have been fighting severe depression, paranoid schizophrenia, schizoid affective forever.. I am 66 now so not just puffing in the wind now..

    Took some time but eventually the pdocs found the right meds.. That was like someone opening the prison doors and coming out of the darkness..

    Hang on Aqua and keep trying... It is possible to beat these demons..truly..Jim
     
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Aqua, please keep reaching out here. You're not taking up space, what you have to say is important. Here if you need anything. :hug: Try to keep fighting those thoughts and voices; they're only trying to hurt you.
     
  10. aqua

    aqua Banned Member

    Thank you for your support, I have an appointment with my GP on Monday, but will call tomorrow morning to see if there is any way I can get in to see them tomorrow or sooner, I have so many odd thoughts going on, so much in my head, Its bad dream.
     
  11. aqua

    aqua Banned Member

    thank you for your help, i am glad you are doing good, there is a lot going on in my head, the voices the things i imagine, i feel like i am arguing day and night
    but there is no one there. I am trying to fight back but its getting harder and harder, there are so many things they are saying
     
  12. aqua

    aqua Banned Member

    thank you for your help , i don't feel what i have to say is important, i keep hearing other wise, i do believe they are trying to harm me but then again maybe i do deserve to be harmed. i just don't know, i am fighting these thoughts, if you only knew what i have been thinking, its a war inside my head.thank you again for your help
     
  13. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You do not deserve to be harmed hun they are just voices ok you deserve understanding and kindness you will get that here hugs to you
     
  14. aqua

    aqua Banned Member

    Im fighting but there is no one there, just me and the things I hear, I have done things that I am ashamed of and sorry for, because of this condition.
    my family has forgiven me many times, but the voices keep on bringing things up and condemning me, and telling me I do not deserve to be happy and
    well, that cutting and bruises and pain is what I deserve,
     
  15. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I do not agree with you Aqua. The cutting bruises and pain is not what you deserve. You deserve the opposite of that. And it is the condition that caused you to do those things. The voices keep condeming you for what the condition made you do. They condemn you for what they worked hard to make you do.

    I am positive you would not blame someone who had this condition. I am going to keep caring and supporting you. Because THAT is what you deserve :hug: caring and support :arms: I know my voice is not as strong or persistant like the voices you have. I know that. Still I am going to speak the real truth. you are good. and you deserve what is good
     
  16. aqua

    aqua Banned Member

    You are right I would not blame someone who had this condition, I look at myself differently, I tried to see my doctor today, called this morning but there were no openings still, attempted to go to the ER for stitches but I was stopped by the paranoia and the voices, made it to the desk but then walked out, too many eyes were
    watching me and too much loud sounds and voices the ER was packed, sorry for another failure, thank you for caring and helping me through this, it means a lot flowers
     
  17. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    No sorries, Aqua. :hug: You are doing your level best. Has the bleeding stopped? Please try to listen to music and sing. Headphones if it would upset your neighbors. Not so loud as the music would hurt your ears with headphones or ear buds. focus on your heart. Breathing in to your heart. think of things and people you love. I do this too even though I do not hear things. Because I have thoughts that are not nice toward myself. And that is coming from a mind that is out of balance. I have to focus on my heart. To try to take the focus off of my mind. will that work for you? Maybe a bit. Maybe give it a try.

    Will you call the gp again at 8am? See if you can get in on a cancellation? And will you call the psychologist again tomorrow in the morning? See if you can get in?
    will you keep posting here please? There is no such thing as too many posts when someone is trying to get through. If you post 20 times, 30 times. Its not too much. Even 40 is not too much in a day if it can help you get through. Whatever it takes. As long as it is not harmful to your body :hug:
     
  18. aqua

    aqua Banned Member

    I am taking your advise and listening to music, not too loud since the neighbors did get mad last night because I was playing it loud and I was
    yelling a bit. I love music. the bleeding has stopped now, I wrapped it tight with gauze and tape. just looks weird, I am gonna call again tomorrow,
    I am feeling they do not want to see me, but I will call, my thoughts are getting in the way so I wont say too much , the voices are persistent I will breathe and focus on my heart thanks for the advise
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 24, 2013
  19. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I have a feeling that as much as it feels like they do not want to see you, this is just the thoughts getting in the way. Just try on friday. Then if you cannot get in, you do have an apt with him on Monday. right. But I am very proud of you for doing everything you can in spite of the voices trying to stop you. Thats remarkable that you are making those calls each morning. I really am serious about that.

    Glad the bleeding stopped. Yes, just gentle longer breaths into the heart center. And then gentle long breaths out the heart center aka exhaling. several times. While trying to think of something or someone that really makes you feel good. The beach, a pet, a loved one. Whatever it is that makes your heart feel good. I do this also. Aqua, you are doing a good job at getting through each day until you can get the help. you are calling in the morning both places. It is so hard for you. And you are doing it. Even though it is so hard. You are not taking up too much space here. I want you to know you can take up 20 times more space :hug: :heart: I also want you to know that many people have come here going through what you are going through now. You are not the first. And you will not be the last. Someday when you get all stabalized you will be able to help someone else here. Because you will have known all too well the hell of getting through these days. Your words will bring comfort and help to other people someday. People who are in your position. :arms:
     
  20. aqua

    aqua Banned Member

    tried the breathing it seemed to calm me down. I have not slept the voices kept me awake and the demands were very bothersome I just want to stay inside,
    theres too much to think about, the voices told me to harm myself then told me to harm someone else, I didn't harm anyone I refused but cut instead.
     
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