I still can't believe they're gone. I found myself looking at old photos of us and our old friend group (who don't really talk to me anymore) and i can't stop crying. I wish things could be like that again, I wish I could just spend another day with them again. I miss my friend, I wish they never died. I'm so angry at myself for how we left things, and how they deleted all the photos we took together because of how angry they were at me. I just wish I could have said sorry. I don't really have many friends anymore, and although I'm going back to school in a few days I'm so nervous. I didn't accomplish much like I said I would this summer. I keep thinking of how I could just end it. I don't know what to do when I go back to school, I don't know if things will ever get better or if i will have a good time. I want to try to have a good time and do my work and not end up like i did last semester nearly failing because of grief. i just feel so alone. I'm trying to work on the comic me and my friend were going to make before they passed but part of me sometimes second guesses myself, is it worth it if they hated me? is it worth it if all the friends we used to have together don't even care about me? I just wish i could have a good semester and actually be proud of myself, and be confident that i am loved by friends who make me happy. it's so hard actually trying to move on when all you want is something from the past.
