Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by sweetles, Aug 3, 2014.

  1. sweetles

    sweetles Well-Known Member

    on Thursday, july 31, at approx. 4PM, a veterinarian injected my cat Scooter with a lethal drug and within 7 seconds her heart stopped beating, her tail stopped flicking, and she was dead. the cat who has been the only constant in my life for more than 10 years. the cat who woke me up every single morning and frequently disturbed my sleep throughout the night with her loud chatter and baby-like wailing. the cat who curled up on my lap when i was watching tv or reading a book and take a quick nap until i fidgeted to much for her liking. the cat who got stuck in the storm drain once and almost had me call the local fire dept to get her out (thankfully we found a better way). the cat who up until two years ago everyone would stare at open-mouthed with awe anytime i took her out because she was just soooo big. the cat who developed diabetes, then bad teeth, then hyperthyroidism, but still had the energy and spunk to slap me in the face whenever i was getting on her nerves. the cat who was often my sole reason for not swallowing a crapton of pills or letting my blood in the bathtub or whatever other form of offing myself seemed nice at the time. the cat who always came over and rubbed my face everytime i was on the floor crying and despairing in my endless depression. the cat who made me smile when absolutely nothing else could.

    that cat. that cat is gone now, sudden total kidney failure, nothing to be done, she's just too old the vet said, can't guarantee she would even make it through the night even if you had all the money for all the IV drips and hospitalization in the world (which i don't). so i tried to do the unselfish thing and let her go. but my soul was ripped out when her little heart stopped beating. i wanted so badly to follow right behind and be with her forever...and out of this ugly broken world which now really and truly has NOTHING for me....

    she was my reason for living. now she is gone. so what's my excuse???

    i love you, Scooter. always.
  2. raincloud

    raincloud Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to read this. I mean it, if you want to talk, feel free to PM me. I lost my 18-year-old cat in March and it was just absolutely devastating. She was the only reason I stayed alive for years and I don't see the point anymore, but I'm trying. We have to try. I can't stop flashing back to the moment I was standing there cradling her in the vet's office. I've experienced a lot of loss in my life, but that was the hardest, so believe me I understand.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    This is very sad :( I am sorry. It's not easy losing a pet. Cats are very loving pets, I love how they purr around your legs when hungry and like when you pet them. Cherish the memories, again I am sorry for your loss :hug:
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    When my old cat died (at the grand age of 23 years) I thought I'd never get over it.
    It was some years before I could even contemplate another cat, but my son brought home a kitten and it was love at first sight.
    Give yourself time to grieve and then maybe think about getting another one?
  5. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm sorry to hear about Scooter. :hug: Our pets are family members too, and it is hard when we lose someone we love. It's clear that you and Scooter loved one another very much. I'm glad you have many wonderful memories. Rest in peace, Scooter.
  6. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    :hug: :hug: :hug: Sweeties

    Scooter is now :zzzz: & I am sure is chasing birds & butterflies in Heaven :butterfly2: :butterfly8: :butterfly4:

  7. sweetles

    sweetles Well-Known Member

    raincloud, just knowing someone else understands and relates to this nightmare provides some small comfort. like you i keep flashing back to the image of her passing away and the vet carrying away her lifeless body, her eyes half-open...that will haunt me for the rest of my days, however few they may be. i'm not sure i WANT to try and go on...there is nothing for me but more and more pain and suffering, every single day, and now i've lost both the comfort and love scooter provided as well as the purpose she gave my life by having to care for her. there is no family, no close friends, no loved ones at all anymore with her gone. now i just feel the giant clock above me tick ticking away saying "what the fuck are you waiting for?!"
  8. sweetles

    sweetles Well-Known Member

    Scooter...I miss you more than ever. You were the perfect cat for me, I am so sorry I was not a better mommy for you.
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm sorry you are feeling this alone and down, I hope you will be okay, try and distract yourself....hope you get some sleep xxx
  10. Marga

    Marga Active Member

    I am so sorry you are missing Scooter so much. I also have a cat and love her immensely. And I know that no other cat is like her. Just like you wrote - that Scooter was the perfect cat for you. Maybe after some time you could consider giving a home to another cat. Not to replace Scooter, because that wouldn't be possible, but to give another cat the care and love you gave to Scooter. Maybe Scooter would herself encourage you to do it because she wouldn't want you to be so lonely. And she would be happy to know that after everything you did for Scooter you are doing the same for another member of her big cat family.:)