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Sense of impending doom

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Growing Pains, May 21, 2014.

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  1. Growing Pains

    Growing Pains Well-Known Member

    I've read this is common in major depressive disorder. A part of me wanted to deny my episodes were major, another part always knew that minor never felt right. It's so hard, though, to explain to professionals what I am feeling. When I can't even put it into words myself. All I know is that sometimes, I wake up, and I stare at the ceiling, and I feel like something really bad is going to happen. Depression is getting bad for me. It comes and goes in waves. I think back to February and wonder how I even survived that month. I was so bad crying that not even my own mother knew how to comfort me. I would be washing the dishes and I'd just start crying. I'd be at the computer. And I'd just start crying. She felt so powerless, she eventually gave me money to buy Irish cream. Because that's how my family deals with things. We drink. But that's not healthy. I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling the sense of doom, the dread. I hate feeling like every day of my life is going to be like this. Endless. I remember a song I used to listen to as a teenager. I hate the band now, but the lyrics... I get them now. My days are way too long, and my nights are sleepless. And the answer everyone gives me is always medication. Always. But medication won't change my environment. Medication... I was on it. It changed nothing. It killed my creativity. It made my eating disorder worse. And it did nothing but make me a zombie. I just want someone to talk to most days. And I guess that's why I'm posting here. I don't even want a friend. I'm bad with friends. I just want someone who gets it. Someone I can message sometimes. Because I feel like this black shadow is filling my very being... even just talking here... on this board would suffice, I think.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    wow i get it so do many understand that feeling of doom and i do hope that posting here help you it has help me hugs
  3. Growing Pains

    Growing Pains Well-Known Member

    Thank you. That sense of impending doom is horrible, isn't it?

    The worst part is, it's always there for me now. It used to be I could escape it. Now it lingers even when I'm not having a depressive episode.

    It helps posting. It helps a little,knowing there are people reading. Thank you.
  4. 880088

    880088 Member

    I experience similar episodes. They are responsible for some of the most self-destructive actions I have taken. It's a horrid, powerless feeling.

    I wish I could recognize these moments as a symptom of my sickness, but at the time they seem so real.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 30, 2014
  5. Growing Pains

    Growing Pains Well-Known Member

    Me, too. It really is a powerless feeling.

    I'm not sure what would be worse in my case. Recognizing them as a symptom or not. I am very self aware where my mental illness is concerned. My therapist used to hate that. I'm a psych major, and have a passion for this stuff. So, I can't help it. Sometimes I feel like I literally drive myself to mental illness.

    Is that silly? I don't know.

    Anyway, the point is, I recognize the sense of impending doom as a part of my depression, which in my case increases how scary it is. Everyone is different. I try to remind myself that. Sometimes, I have trouble believing it, though.

    The sense of doom makes me almost reckless. I hate it.
  6. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Some Nights, I know what you mean too. A very real sense of impending doom. I believe it's something to do with the collective unconscious, or "the noosphere" as coined by Teilhard de Chardin. I am sorry if I'm too quick at trying to provide answers for you, but because it's a part of my psyche too I have searched to come to an understanding about it. It's a highly evolved function that some people seem to be sensitive to and wired to connect with - not everyone is, but everyone has different strengths and weaknesses and not all to the same degree of course.

    For instance, before the start of WWII in Europe, people were going to see doctors about the dreams they were getting of (for example) rivers of blood - it's the impending-ness of it that is the very real factor that doesn't happen to all.

    Always, please message me if you want someone to talk to who understands and gets it.
  7. Hatshepsut

    Hatshepsut Guest

    I seem to have that same kind of sense about things. And I don't have a major depressive order Dx. I don't major in psychology, but the fact that the DSM (at least in its IV-TR incarnation, I haven't seen V yet) included a "dysthymic disorder" category--although depression has absolutely nothing to do with the thymus--and the seemingly arbitrary durative thresholds like "two weeks" suggests that theorists and practitioners do not really understand what depression is, despite the popularity of the new models from neuroscience.

    As a psych major, for instance, you likely have heard the 1990s criticism of linking depression to levels of 5-HT at synapses, which arose because SSRI drugs boost these levels immediately, yet a therapeutic response lags about a month. So, there must be something the neurons do to "monitor" long-term trends in 5-HT, or perhaps they respond to other stimuli besides serotonin.

    (If you wish, you could update me on that issue. My reading is behind times on this.)

    If I say I disagree with Teilhard's theological stuff, I must say he promoted open-mindedness and progression of ideas at a time when Church considered it heterodox.

    Maybe it will turn out that depression isn't pathological, but simply a normal response. Many normal responses are undesirable, or can get exaggerated to a point where problems result. Doom from various sources is an actual threat to all human beings, so I don't find it surprising we have a sensitivity to it.

    Best wishes--you deserve the best in life.
    \ :snow:
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