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Sexually intrusive thoughts and will being honest jeopardize my kids?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by MommyOf1, Nov 6, 2017.

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  1. MommyOf1

    MommyOf1 Well-Known Member

    I just had another baby, I have had sexually intrusive thoughts which Ive always had coming and going for days now. I want to seek help but Im afraid if I say something that these thoughts include children and even my own, my kids will be taken away from me. What do I do? How do I seek help?
  2. AlexiMarie7

    AlexiMarie7 Staff Alumni

    This is tough, I understand. Have you ever shared these thoughts with a professional before? Have you ever acted on the thoughts? How many children do you have?

    I think it would still be best for you to share the thoughts, as maybe you can get some help to lessen/change them.

    I think professionals understand that there is usually quite a gap between thoughts and action. For instance if we go and say we think of suicide, it does not mean that we will just be locked away. We get help with the thoughts so that it does not end up in the actual act.

    Not just for you but for your children, I think you should take the step to explore what help you can get.
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Agree with AlexiMarie

    As long as you have not committed a crime, and have not formed a serious plan to carry out a crime, I don't think anyone is going to take your kids away from you.

    Maybe you could ask a therapist in advance what things would constitute cause for having your kids taken away and what wouldn't.

    We're not really in control of our minds, so please don't feel guilty about having unwanted thoughts. The important thing is that you don't actually abuse your children, and that you get help in dealing with unwanted thoughts.

    The fact that these thoughts are unwanted and that you are trying to get help in dealing with them suggests that you are actually a very low risk to actually abuse your children. A real abuser wouldn't have so much anxiety about this.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm sorry for what you are going through but I think you have been given great advice by the other posters, there's a huge gap between thoughts and action and professionals recognise that, I think you should be honest and open up to whoever you feel you can open up to, you have made the first step by posting here, well done :)
  5. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    There is a gap between thought and action , however I would very strongly urge you to get professional treatment and for you and that professional to together determine your actual risk to children. The thoughts are intrusive , but they are in fact bothering ou for a reason. The "typical" psyche profile of " pedophile is not a stranger, and is not single man - most are or were married, engage in adult sexual relationships as well, and the vast majority are related to the child. Excerpts from Psychology today "Facts on Pedophilia" -

    For all the worries about "stranger danger," 70 percent of reported abuses involve an offender who knows the child, including relatives.Pedophiles often feel guilt and shame about their activities, say therapists. Most are male, though about 6 percent are female. "People don't grow up and say, 'I want to be a pedophile,' " however most psychologists believe that people with pedophilia will eventually act on it in some way — by exposing themselves to, spying on, or sexually touching children. About 4 percent of the population is believed to have pedophilic urges. Psychologists now categorize it as a sexual orientation much like heterosexuality and homosexuality, in the sense that the sexual attraction to children appears to be involuntary. The term can be used to describe anyone who fantasizes about, is sexually aroused by, or experiences urges toward children, whether or not they act on them. Stephen Rossetti, who runs a psychiatric hospital near Washington, D.C. "All the people I've ever talked to hate it."

    Is it a concern? Of course it is- it is to you clearly which is why you are asking about it. But please do in fact talk to professionals and get help because it is too important an issue to try to go it alone or depend on lay advice.
    Lynne1974 likes this.
  6. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Also, having just re-read your post and looked at other posts- if you just had a baby your hormones are going to be all over the place causing feelings you have no control over. Asking your OB about hormone issues and discuss from a very slanted way "weird or strange sexual feelings" without defining and asking them about the hormone issues if this is all completley new feelings may be a way to settle your mind or relive anxiety and help decide if you need other professional help?
  7. Night life

    Night life Member

    I wouldn't jump to any action yet, just so we are clear by intrusive thought you mean, randomly thinking of something awful and then fearing you would do it even though you have no urge too? because I have had those in the past and in all these years they have never come true. Its a form of paranoid OCD and you can fight the paranoia, you just have to see it for the illusion it is.
  8. HumanExMachina

    HumanExMachina Pizza Spaceman Forum Pro SF Artist SF Supporter

    Speak to someone, anyone. Job number one is making sure that the kids are safe.
    Lynne1974, may71 and drinty like this.
  9. afterlifepig

    afterlifepig Well-Known Member

    i guess i disagree with some of the other posters. i don't know that intrusive thoughts actually mean anything. i don't have OCD type intrusive thoughts, but i have intrusive thoughts (from substance abuse) and they are often terrible but i know they are just like a form of tourette's syndrome. words in your head don't have to mean anything.

    i read a book on OCD and from what i understand intrusive thoughts do not lead to actions of the same type imagined in the thought, and they are due to a brain disorder that is beyond your control. an OCD specialist would understand this, so if you must tell people, tell an OCD specialist and i sincerely doubt they would want to take your kids away.
  10. Jasonpi

    Jasonpi Well-Known Member

    Great topic but potentially scary to me only, in the fact that states have laws that mandate therapists to contact authorities on certain issues. Ive seen many kids taken to CPS and into the system for some pretty petty reasons (a very few not a lot) but just hearing the op's (original posters) words connected to kids brings up real world patient/client realities. Most of the cps workers i have known usually have a 2 year or 4 year degree in soc, psyche, etc... with virtually little or no residency experience.

    So my fear is if you get a therapist who may not understand the intrusive thoughts and simply reacts over the words "sex-kids" and the therapist makes the call to cps to "cya" (ummm, cover their tail), it could have dire consequences. Not all therapist are good, like any field.

    Call me the sky is falling paranoid but there are real world policies that have to be adhered to, subjective or not. I think this is a tough call to make for anyone...

    I pray you make the right decision, maybe change up some phraseology until you get a good intuitive feel for what you're going to say. Around my parts mandatory reporters even include janitors at schools .... for reals

    Lots of great insight already given here. My youngest daughter is your age exactly. I would be googling for hours for her if she were having those thoughts to be 100% certain she would word her issue in such a way as not to even chance getting the authorities involved. Cps is not your friend no matter how well intentioned we are in seeking treatment ....

    Not giving advice at all, im truly alarmed at what could transpire ......

    Btw i am new here so if any of the admins or other members think my posts are in violation with SF, please tell me, i do not want to accidently say anything that could potentially hurt anyone.
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2017
    mark salt and JmpMster like this.
  11. kangaroo2

    kangaroo2 Well-Known Member

    Most therapists are required to report when there is any risk of abuse, even when the risk is very low. The last thing you would want is for your kids to be taken away when you were never at risk of harming them.
  12. drinty

    drinty I'd rather be a Cat.

    I hope you find the answers you seek. I know what I would do, but I'm seeing it from my perspective. Take care.
    Jasonpi likes this.
  13. littlelucy

    littlelucy Well-Known Member

    Like thoughts of sexually assaulting and abusing people?
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