Practical Advice Silly questions :?

[Cariad_Bach]

Okay, potentially silly questions coming up. Would appreciate some advice, please.

I had counselling as a teenager which was useless and unhelpful. I can't even remember most of it, to be honest, except the day I turned up and it was her last day of work (I'd had no idea she was leaving) and she spent the hour packing up her desk and popping out of the room to find homes for the stuff she wasn't taking with her.

I had more counselling in my 20s which was super helpful while it was subject-specific, but once I had moved past that and tried talking about deeper, more generally MH difficulties it was less so.

I have had group cbt classes in, eg, stress management, anxiety control, increasing positive thought patterns. I have had psychology support to understand and try to challenge damaging negative thought patterns.

I have lost faith in my local MH team but I have been offered a limited trial of private counselling. I am trying to decide whether it's a good idea to accept - like, not "is counselling a good idea" but "is there any chance it would help me?". From my experience, counselling was hit and miss while therapy was well meaning, interesting and educational. Neither of them has "cured" me, though. Even when I got to a place of relative mental "healthiness", I kind of got there alone rather than as a result of any intervention (generally, in fact, when intervention had ceased).

My silly questions are:
1. Can counselling be used to deal with deep-seated and destructive thought patterns?
2. What happens if I get to counselling and can't think of anything to talk about?
3. What if I can't be totally honest?
4. How do I force myself to verbalise things I've never been able to say?
5. What if it doesn't work?

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

Hi @Cariad_Bach

I think counseling can be helpful. But not always. I think if you’ve been offered some private sessions and you can afford it, try it.

I don’t think everyone gets cured. Think everyone can learn skills to make our lives more livable.

Silly Answers:
1- yes. To explore the who, what, when & why at the core of the problem can allow understanding. Acknowledge the past so you can move on to changing the destructive thoughts.
2. Just say- idk where to start/ what to say. They will often ask questions, get a timeline, etc. if they start packing their belongings- RUN!😁
3. Do your best. Trust has to be developed sometimes.
4. Write it down. I often make a list. Bullet type notes. Just hand it to the counselor, say i struggle to speak these things. Refer to #3-trust.
5. You got out of the house. Went to someplace different. If gave you an opportunity to try to learn some new coping mechanisms— now you know what doesn’t work. And maybe in 6 months, something they said will help you understand an experience in a different way.

Overall, you are worth taking the risk on. You deserve to live a good existence. 🌻
🦩

 

[MisterBGone]

1. Can counselling be used to deal with deep-seated and destructive thought patterns?
2. What happens if I get to counselling and can't think of anything to talk about?
3. What if I can't be totally honest?
4. How do I force myself to verbalise things I've never been able to say?
5. What if it doesn't work?

1. Yes
2. It's ok! : )
3. It's ok-
4. I don't know, never really had that problem~ j/k (refer to Flamingo's excellent advice!)
5. That's ok, too..

Good Luck, & - I'd give it a shot!!! :^)

 

[johnDoen]

Okay, potentially silly questions coming up. Would appreciate some advice, please.

I had counselling as a teenager which was useless and unhelpful. I can't even remember most of it, to be honest, except the day I turned up and it was her last day of work (I'd had no idea she was leaving) and she spent the hour packing up her desk and popping out of the room to find homes for the stuff she wasn't taking with her.

I had more counselling in my 20s which was super helpful while it was subject-specific, but once I had moved past that and tried talking about deeper, more generally MH difficulties it was less so.

I have had group cbt classes in, eg, stress management, anxiety control, increasing positive thought patterns. I have had psychology support to understand and try to challenge damaging negative thought patterns.

I have lost faith in my local MH team but I have been offered a limited trial of private counselling. I am trying to decide whether it's a good idea to accept - like, not "is counselling a good idea" but "is there any chance it would help me?". From my experience, counselling was hit and miss while therapy was well meaning, interesting and educational. Neither of them has "cured" me, though. Even when I got to a place of relative mental "healthiness", I kind of got there alone rather than as a result of any intervention (generally, in fact, when intervention had ceased).

My silly questions are:
1. Can counselling be used to deal with deep-seated and destructive thought patterns?
2. What happens if I get to counselling and can't think of anything to talk about?
3. What if I can't be totally honest?
4. How do I force myself to verbalise things I've never been able to say?
5. What if it doesn't work?

I don't think these questions are silly.

1. Can counselling be used to deal with deep-seated and destructive thought patterns?
- A counselor would interview you on various aspects of your life and inform you on those, if found. I think the best they can do is to bring those patterns into the light and discuss about possible solutions to deal with them. If not, they would just introduce you to another person.

2. What happens if I get to counselling and can't think of anything to talk about?
- Then, a counselor would begin the talk with something like "How are you today?".

3. What if I can't be totally honest?
- It's fine. You can just say "it's for a friend" or like me, acting as a completely different person asking for help.

4. How do I force myself to verbalise things I've never been able to say?
- Hand gestures, facial expressions, auras, drawings and writings. Communication is more than just talking.

5. What if it doesn't work?
- There are more counselors out there to get help from.

 

[Ash600]

Hi.
With counselling, or with therapy as well for that matter, there'll always be a hit or miss element attached due to so many variables being associated. I suppose a lot depends on the person offering the counselling such as their competence, and importantly, their ability to form a level of understanding and trust. I believe the level of expectations of the individual recieving counselling is equally as important as well in terms of what it is they are expecting. And whether they are being overly optimistic or overly pessimistic.
After what you said regarding how therapy/counselling hasn't exactly been a cure, but more like a way for you to work out yourself how best to manage things, then perhaps seeking guidance on how to attain this on a more long term basis could be more appropriate for the moment. When you've found yourself in a more healthy mindspace, from what you mentioned, it's you who has been the main driving force behind this. Maybe with that little bit of extra intervention, you might get that nudge in the right direction.
As I've said to others in various situations where there is doubt. Go in with an open mind. If it doesn't work, at least you know you gave it a go and maybe be able to analyse later on as to specifically why it didn't pan out. But if it does work, then happy days.

Those questions you posed are anything but silly. Each and everyone of them are valid. Perhaps if you do give that counselling trial a shot raise some of those questions there?
I would answer those questions which you raised, but I'll just be more or less echoing what others have already said. So I'll save you the pain of reading something that'l; be repetitive.

Best of luck, whatever direction you take, hope it works out.

 

[Innocent Forever]

My silly questions are:
1. Can counselling be used to deal with deep-seated and destructive thought patterns?
2. What happens if I get to counselling and can't think of anything to talk about?
3. What if I can't be totally honest?
4. How do I force myself to verbalise things I've never been able to say?
5. What if it doesn't work?

They are not silly at all,a
1. Yes it can but that depends on how good the counsellor is which as you said sometimes helped sometimes not.
2. You can discuss that the first session. Even discussing the weather can help and give you a safe space.
3. Honesty takes time to build.
4. That takes time. Writing helps me.
5. If it doesn't work you've not lost anything....

 

[MoAnamCara]

hi, I'm late in responding. your questions are not at all silly. it is okay not to know what to talk about. it is ok to sit in silence. sometimes that space is just that - a space to just be - no expectations, no pressure etc. it takes some time to build trust within the therapeutic alliance, so please never worry about forcing yourself to put all out there immediately. please do not force yourself to verbalize things if you are not comfortable. again it will take time. additionally I have passed notes before which were useful for me. also depending on the type of therapy sometimes you never need to verbalize the icky stuff. you'll be fine, have patience with yourself and know it'll take however long it takes because that's what is best for you.

 

[dandelions]

Hi @Cariad_Bach ,
I have lots of thoughts, i hope some are helpful…
My silly questions are:
i don’t think they are silly… and i think wondering if it will work and if the questions are silly is ok, but something more important is to realize that this is not going to make you into a different person and make yoy “finally healthy”. it may help you to view things differently and to handle things differently or help you to develop skills in handling situations you presently have difficulty with. you will still be the same person.

1. Can counselling be used to deal with deep-seated and destructive thought patterns?
so yes, i think it can be used this way. but you won’t always feel that it is working. that does not mean that it is not. if you learn how to do something you still feel like the same person so you might not even notice that you are dealing with the above mentioned problems.

2. What happens if I get to counselling and can't think of anything to talk about?
i am always writing my therapist emails or taking down thoughts at home as i think them. sometimes i send an email to my therapist and they have suggest that sending emails is not a preferred thing to do, but it does liberate me in a way because i have thoughts i want to express at times that are not convenient. but i do keep in mind that it was noted by at least one therapist that i am able to say things in writing that are difficult to come out spoken. it makes me feel i’ve accomplished something positive if i send the email, but i can always read it to my therapist in person once i’ve gotten that information out in the open, talking about it does become easier. this is connected to question 4 - but i’d add that trying to force yourself might make it harder. you can write but you don’t have to show it or read it if you are feeling uncomfortable about it. sometimes taking your time about it is good.

3. What if I can't be totally honest?
i’ll be a bit ironic here… honestly speaking, when talking about myself i often don’t know if what i’m talking about is truth is or if i’ve moved into areas that might be lies or just not knowing at all. by just asking this question it may be indicating that you might be experiencing the same. you could mention that you are not sure. early in therapy several years ago, i told my therapist something about myself that i thought was a lie. later i retracted it and worked hard to prove it was false even though i had said it was true. its strange but recently i’ve come to realize it was true all along.

4. How do I force myself to verbalise things I've never been able to say?
like i said above, forcing is not necessarily going to be productive. writing might work for you. if you write something, it is your option to share or not.

5. What if it doesn't work?
i always wonder if it will work. sometimes i just want to be near a person and talk. if i were to quit, i would not have that person. that means that by the very nature of being in a room with a person it is working - even if it is not working much! but you have to know if your therapist is someone who works well with you.

i do believe there are differences in how therapy is done in your country from mine (usa). i am not sure of what might be requirements and how insurance is handled so these may play in. do you have a choice of who your therapist is? i’ve been assigned therapists in certain situations and that inhibited things. one in particular was in the intensive program i am presently in, the first time around about 3 years ago, i did not feel comfortable with my therapist at all and i was not able to have him changed. i did not talk much. but i still was trying. then the insurance changed and the therapy ended abruptly after a few months. now i’m in the same program again and once again i feel uncomfortable with my therapist. (this is a different therapist), but i had decided that i would not let that stop me this time around and having made that decision, i find it much easier to talk about things. i have also had individual therapist at other times along the way and i was able to choose who i was going to work with.

sometimes, as the situation changes, your view on how to go about doing things changes as well and when once something was difficult, it then becomes easy. that too is therapy working. and you can only see that in the time it takes for the change to happen. but as i started saying above, if you are able to choose therapists, you may be able to find someone who you know you like and you feel comfortable with and feels comfortable with you. i do think there is much that can happen that does make therapy work.