Hello all, So, when I was like 8-11 years old, I was an overweight boy, and EVERYONE starting with my family would make fun of me and call me all kind of names. For example, one time my mother caught me eating *some* potato chips and she went nuts. She started yelling at me, hitting me, telling me that no one would like me if I was fat, telling me I should be ashamed of being fat and that she was sick and tired of me. She was so mad an angry she was even crying. And all of this she said and did in front of several people. So starting at 12 I began eating less and less. I'd eat as little as I possibly could. I'd never have breakfast or lunch, sometimes I'd make myself throw up and all that shit. I've been a cutter for like a decade too. This pattern regarding my eating has come and gone over the years. I'm 25 now. The obsession with being thin has NEVER disappeared. So, lately, I've been gaining some weight. It's just that I feel so fucking empty and many times the only way I feel like I can fill a little of that void is by eating. So, I'm always hungry and I'm becoming obsessed with food. Anyway, with this situation of me gaining some weight lately (I'm not obese at all, by the way), my mother and sister NEVER leave me alone. They're ALWAYS making fun of me and telling me I must drop weight and making me feel like shit. Last night my sister and me were at the store buying candy and I bought a lot and she gave me a look of disapproval that was very hurtful and then told me: "Aren't you ashamed of eating like a pig, buying so much food and being so fat?!" That just made me feel so bad... I almost made myself throw up, but ended up not doing it. I've been thinking for quite some time now of starting fasting and starving myself again, and last night's episode was a big push in that direction. I don't know, I just wanted to let this all out. I know no one'll care and I'll probably get no replies. Whatever. Maybe I should just kill myself, huh?