Slipping Again.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by aao, Jan 22, 2014.

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  1. aao

    aao Well-Known Member

    Hello all,

    So, when I was like 8-11 years old, I was an overweight boy, and EVERYONE starting with my family would make fun of me and call me all kind of names. For example, one time my mother caught me eating *some* potato chips and she went nuts. She started yelling at me, hitting me, telling me that no one would like me if I was fat, telling me I should be ashamed of being fat and that she was sick and tired of me. She was so mad an angry she was even crying. And all of this she said and did in front of several people.

    So starting at 12 I began eating less and less. I'd eat as little as I possibly could. I'd never have breakfast or lunch, sometimes I'd make myself throw up and all that shit. I've been a cutter for like a decade too.

    This pattern regarding my eating has come and gone over the years. I'm 25 now. The obsession with being thin has NEVER disappeared. So, lately, I've been gaining some weight. It's just that I feel so fucking empty and many times the only way I feel like I can fill a little of that void is by eating. So, I'm always hungry and I'm becoming obsessed with food.

    Anyway, with this situation of me gaining some weight lately (I'm not obese at all, by the way), my mother and sister NEVER leave me alone. They're ALWAYS making fun of me and telling me I must drop weight and making me feel like shit.

    Last night my sister and me were at the store buying candy and I bought a lot and she gave me a look of disapproval that was very hurtful and then told me: "Aren't you ashamed of eating like a pig, buying so much food and being so fat?!"

    That just made me feel so bad... I almost made myself throw up, but ended up not doing it. I've been thinking for quite some time now of starting fasting and starving myself again, and last night's episode was a big push in that direction.

    I don't know, I just wanted to let this all out. I know no one'll care and I'll probably get no replies. Whatever. Maybe I should just kill myself, huh?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    OMG hun how cruel they are to judge you and say those comments to you I think i would just sit down with them and let them know how much they have hurt you. You need to distance yourself from that toxicity ok from them I hope also now you are an adult hun you can reach out to a professional to help you deal with the trauma you suffered and also help you deal with your eating disorder You deserve only compassion and care ok so please hun reach out and get some help for you hugs
  3. WoodyJames

    WoodyJames Member

    I say eat as much as you want and just be happy. If they flip you crap for it just ignore them and be happy. If it was me I would also stop talking to them all together but I won't tolerate a person treating that way. And if it's any help I personally prefer a woman with a few extra pounds I think it makes them look healthy and they're usually happier because they aren't starving (and I'm sure there's woman that will feel the same about you).

    Most importantly I think you should go to your local library and check out the book "Toxic Parents". It's a good read and it will help you realize the problem was them and not you.

    I wish you luck and please read that book it will help more than you'd think.
  4. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    No, I do not think you should just kill yourself- or start to fast. I think you know of something that helps when you are depressed and and you know of something that makes you depressed and hurts you. Instead of fasting, since you are 25 consider getting the things that are hurtful out of your life, and if that is you mother and sister then so be it. If the things that hurt you are not in your life you might not find a need to fill that void caused by the pain as well. The thing you need to cut back on most of all is the effect your mother and sister have on you - and often the only way to do that is to not spend time with them. There is no reason to be around people that cause you pain, so choose not to be.
  5. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    people can be shallow as hell
    above advice should do the trick
    may hurt 'cause attachments and all that but better in long run
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