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So depressed that it hurts

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Viktor, Oct 6, 2014.

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  1. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    I am sorry for making another thread here. Guess you probably must be tired of me now. All those threads i created are all about i bit different problems i am having, but all are actually connected together. This time this thread is more connected to this one: http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?136256-I-can-t-live-without-love-anymore
    And in this thread i wanna say, that since i fell in love with that girl i am talking about in the mentioned thread, my depressions doubled, maybe tripled. Always since around 3pm to around 7:30pm, my depressions are so strong. I am hurting so bad now. I feel weird kind of sweat on my body, even though it's just a feeling. And i am breathing fast and kinda shaking. I know what you will probably say. You will tell me to go to doctor and get some treatment. Well, i will probably do that. I will probably start taking some meds, even though i am so scared of them. I tried it once before and my depressions was much stronger. I know it's side effect, that it takes for the mad to start working and that until it will start working, you may feel worse. But i couldn't overcome that. It was too much. Hope i'll hit some med that doesn't have so strong side effects. I am worried guys. I am so worried about myself. Always when i feel this bad, it forces me to write to that girl. And i know i shouldn't bother her so much with that. It always forces me to write to a person that i currently like/love most. And it's extremely hard not to write her. I don't know what to do. It hurts extremely.
  2. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    I also wanted to add that i almost cannot eat. I feel hunger in my stomach, but it's hard to get food through my throat. I don't have appetite.
  3. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    It's 9 PM here now and i feel sleepy. The depression always goes away when i feel sleepy. But it will start all over tomorrow again. I don't wanna wake up tomorrow anymore. I feel like it would be best if i ate some pills and never woke up. I just can't do this anymore :'(
  4. random33

    random33 Well-Known Member

    It's good that you write about how you feel, you do not bother us, trust me.
    I know how scary seeking help can be, I've been there, but sometimes it's the best thing to do, just make sure you find a good doctor and that you are confortable with him/her, don't be afraid to try a few different ones until you find the right one. It's not an easy process, but a good doctor will now how to manage your depression and chose the best medication for you, there are a lot of antidepressants out there and a bit of trial of error is to be expected, also be completely honest and open with the doctor, if you feel that you have a hard time talking or if you find yourself sugarcoating what you feel, write a letter and give it to the doctor, I've done this is the past.

    I'm not going to lie, I do hate the fact that I have to take antidepressants and I hate the side effects, I hate how they've changed my libido, I hate that I feel like I'm dying if I forget to take them, but it is better than the alternative, they are not perfect, but they do work and they are one of the reasons I'm here, they allow me to function, so despite hating them I'm very glad I have them, maybe in time a better solution will come up, but for the time being they are my only option. This being said every case is different and you may only need to take them for a while, the important thing is to get help.

    It's hard to love and not being loved back, it's hellish, but it is something you need to accept, if you feel there is a way, fight for it, if not maybe it's not a bad idea to start to break contact, it's going to sting, it's going to hurt and your heart will shatter, but you will recover, we all had our hearts broken at one time or the other and it's a painfull wound, but one that heals.

    I've not seen your reply to the older thread, so I didn't reply to it, but meet up is site, I don't know if we can put external links here, but just google it, where you can find events with people who have similar interests, it's not a dating site, it's purpose it's not to get you drunk at someplace, I really don't know if there are events at Czech Republic, but just check it there.

    You may have some anxiety issues, at least your symptoms fit, it's not a strange thing because more often than not anxiety and depression go hand in hand, the good news is that in the short term anxiety is a lot easier to treat. The "old lump in the throat" as I call it is very common in anxiety, shacking, sweats and heaving breathing is also something I used to experience when I suffered from major anxiety, that and not being able to focus on anything or even stand still. A doctor will help you get through it, worst case you will need medication, unlike antidepressants, medication for anxiety gives you immediate relief, but and this is a big but, they are habit forming and there is serious danger of abuse, so if medication is needed you need to be carefull, a good doctor will help you find ways to cope with anxiety and then progressively lower the dose until you are off the medication, I'm currently doing this with xanax, I was able to control the anxiety (antidepressants help with this too) and I am now getting off the drug slowly, the dosage I currently take does nothing for anxiety but it is needed to avoid the nasty withdrawal symptoms.

    I've just realise I've putted a lot of information here, but the important thing here is to get yourself some help, find a good doctor, it may not seem like it, but it will get better and don't worry about potential side effects of medication you don't even know you will need :)

    Best of luck.
  5. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    Thank you for such a long reply. The thing is that my depressions aren't clinical. My depressions are form of very strong sadness. Well, that's what depression is. It's sadness. But i have it for reason. Many of you here have clinical depression. That is why i am afraid to start taking some AD.

    As for the girl. Breaking up contact is something i am unable to do. I love her. And even though i know it's hopeless, there is nothing i can do about it. And if i'd cut contact with her, she would be sad too. She sees friend in me. I cannot do that. It will simply come to the point when she get fed up and will cut contact with me herself. It's a very scary scenario for me, but it's always like that. It happened to me before, it will probably happen to me again. And i even wasn't in loved before. Now i am and it would hurt me so bad. Actually, there is one girl that had patient with me and didn't cut contact with me. My feelings to her just slowly fade away. But it was like 6 years ago. I'm not even talking to her now anymore. But i can if i wanted. So maybe this girl will be patient with me too. I wish she was. But the difference with this girl is that i fell in love with her in a time when i am so fragile. I am so sensitive these days. And due to that, my love to her and knowing that i can't be with her triggered depressions so strong that i am really worried about myself. So it's not just hard for me not being loved back as it usually is. It is more than that for me now. And of course i accept that she doesn't love me. I am not some kind of stalker. The problem here is that she has a boyfriend and she lives in Germany. Which is neighbor of Czech republic, but still. As for the meet up site, if i wanna meet some new people, i'd need some Czech site.
  6. random33

    random33 Well-Known Member

    Meet up is global, just search for meetups near you, I've searched in Prague and there a lot of them.

    It is believed by some doctor's/researchers that clinical depression may be caused by prolonged stress (sadness or other negative feelings), a good doctor will know based on your symptoms and/or history if you are clinically depressed or not and get you the proper treatment, treatment that may or may not involve medication, you can try seeing a psychologist first, unfortunately some psychiatrists do indeed prescribe medication right away, even if other forms of therapy are an option, if a psychologist thinks you are clinicaly depressed he/she will refer you to a psychiatrist, one thing is for sure, the more you wait to find treatment the worse it may get.

    Breaking contact is hard, trully is, but sometimes may be the best option, I'm not saying that this is your case, as you've said you are both friends and it is important to have friends when we are down, but when they are one of the reasons of your pain I don't know, everybody is diferent so I really don't think that there is a right or a wrong answer here and I'm not the ideal person to give advice about this sort of thing.

    Personaly I would break contact, I've done it in the past, I just could not take the pain of looking at someone I loved, knowing she would never be with me, that I could not kiss her, or hold her, I just told her what I felt, made sure that the feeling wasn't mutual and moved on, I've cryed, got my heart broken, felt like I would never feel the same for another woman again, but with time things got better, was it the best decision I don't know, I've lost a dear friend, but allowed me to move on with my life. I've had girfriends that I broke up with, but remained friends, this however is a different situation, because we just felt out of love, we still care about each other, still like each other, but there just isn't love in the romantic sense.
  7. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You are basing you decision that your depression is not clinical on what? Your personal diagnosis? If you meet the diagnostic criteria for depression then your depression is clinical regardless of what you believe the root cause to be - if it dos not meet the diagnostic criteria then it is not depression of any type , it is simply being sad and self diagnosis is a fools game.

    I did not answer thew last post though i did read it because the answer is not a simple one in some ways but really it is very simple. In that post you stated that you have been hurt many times by loving women that had boyfriends already - but the question I would have, while not in any way discounting your pain , who is it that hurt you? Spending days, weeks , or months falling in love with somebody that is in a committed relationship with another person is in fact a very preventable thing. When a woman says she has a boyfriend you stop engaging and pursuing them as if they did not have and step away from them for anything but basic superficial friendship type things. You went on in one post about you have waited for it to just happen but it does not referring to love happens when it does and when you don't expect it- but if you are busy looking towards women that are not available it is very easy to overlook an available one. When your attention is fixated on a person that is not available it is far too easy to overlook people that are available and would love to have your attention. If , as you stated, it has happened many times to you then do not look other places for the why, you need to look at yourself that is for some reason attracted to girls after they tell you they have a boyfriend already.

    On the solving the depression issue- go to a psychiatrist or medical doctor, let them evaluate you and make a diagnosis, and follow there advice. Use professional medical input for determining if you have depression or are just sad and professional medical advice for treating it along with your own input.

  8. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    But i know that very well. I am talking to her but i know the reality. I am still on dating site and looking for a free woman that could possibly love me. Trying to write them, but i still don't have luck. I am just in love with this girl and i am unable to stop it. It will stop itself eventually. But if i found some other girl that would be interested in me, it could stop me from loving the girl i love now. As i said, i want to help myself. I do want to visit therapist and i am also willing to try some medication too if it will be necessary. I am just scared of taking some pills. I need to search for job and if those pills will have strong side effects that will require like 3 weeks till those side effects disappears, i won't be able to move at all, let alone going out and searching for job. Last time i took AD, my depressions got extremely strong. I am afraid it could happen again.

    Is this the meet up site? http://www.meetup.com/
  9. random33

    random33 Well-Known Member

    Go get help, there are a lot of antidepressants out there, talk to the doctor about the previous one's you took and what you have experienced in order for the doctor to find an alternative or a plan in order to minimize the side effects, just be open, share all your concerns with the doctor and you will be better.

    You are clearly suffering and you need help, I'm sorry, but there is really not much more advice we can give.

    I really wish the best of luck.
  10. Viktor

    Viktor Well-Known Member

    So i just found the strength and went to psychologist. It was impuls when i was sending messages on facebook to that girl i love and she wasn't answering. It wasn't for the first time she wasn't answering like that and i always know that she simply doesn't have time and must do something else. Although it always hurts. But now, i was thinking that she is also maybe fed up by me. This is what i hate about internet. You never know what the person think if you can't see her/his face. That's why i always want to meet that person normally, so that i can talk to her normally face to face. But well, she is from other country. Anyways, this made me to leave my flat and go to psychologist. There was just nurse because it was already too late. But that nurse was talking with me. Gotta say that she was better than the other psychologists i was visiting before. She wasn't just agreeing with everything i say, like many psychologists do. She was also giving me her opinions, which was better for me. She recommended me some group therapy for mans. I'm not sure about this, but i will try i think. Well and when i returned home, the girl i love answered those messages and we talked nicely about food :) Yea, you simply cannot know what's going on when you chat just on internet. It's really frustrating when you chat with someone you love most.
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