So had my first full therapy appointment just nowhere

[MAC0]

So it all went ok started off with a risk assessment form then spent an hour talking over my issues told me they offer 3 appointments then they will make an assessment if i still need help before they offer more help

was good to talk letting things out helps he like others got fixed on me going out with what i look like now and what ever i will look like after the surgery and not care what people think or say but i am happy hiding in my house till at least the hospital rings for me it would depend on what i look like after

not sure how they expect me to build up that courage

over all i not sure enjoyed it is the word but it calmed me down so no harm

 

[may71]

I'm glad it wasn't so bad, but I wish it could have been better.

 

[MAC0]

It was as i said good to talk but the whole go out without a face mask people will not judge you and if they do it says more about them than you thing sounds like this idea people dont judge people on race sexuality gender or anything else we can see its bs i dont mind being in doors even after my op what ever i look like

my main sorry is earning the cash to do that and if i have to find another job finding one that can accept what ever i will look like

 

[may71]

Some people might be able to become less concerned with what others think or might think, but that doesn't sound like it would work for you.

If you're sure that changing your thoughts and feelings about this isn't going to be a viable option for you, it's probably ok to say so.

 

[MAC0]

Thats what i said I am a long way off having that confidence my main worry is getting through the days till the hospitsl calls then getting through the treatment and seeing where i am at then maybe

that and i wish i had someone who knew my situation and would be there with me through the treatment for support

 

[Windhover]

I wish you had a person there to support you through the hospital and the journeys @MAC0 . We're here for you but I know it's just not the actual support. The strength & creativity of your mind is a huge advantage. You've got a few boxes ticked already. That's going to be what you look back on someday and say yeah I did start right there.

 

[MAC0]

Yeah I know mum will come with me to each appointment but as I mentioned she is not the supportive at all on this with my nervous issue just someone to go with me talk calm me and sit in the appointments to make sure everything is asked that I want

its kind of like today I was pretty shitty today but having the therapist appointment that talk helped calmed me the idea of going with mum who will not talk about this issue and only will want to talk about oh look at that shop or its a long way away this hospital at 20 miles

sort of like a mentor kind of person

as for the help here its been great I would have been in a massive hole without it yea Samaritans is good but that is a 24 hours wait for each email

 

[Holding my breath]

Hi @Maco. It sounds like your therapy sessions are more of an assessment process. Well at least that’s what the initial 4 a sessions were for me. I thought, what’s the point of having 4 sessions, but at the end of them they decide the best way forward for treatment. Unfortunately that can mean another waiting list but you should be given a care coordinator who will be your point of contact and keep in touch with you with appointments to see how you are. I hope this is the case for you and that they are able to offer the support that you need. It is a very very long process. I have been under the mental health team now for 18 months and I’m still on the waiting list for psychotherapy, although I wasn’t placed on the list until I managed to get my medication misuse under more control. They have some very strict rulings about criteria for treatment.
We will always be here for you whenever you need. Sending hugs. Xx

 

[MAC0]

Hi @Maco. It sounds like your therapy sessions are more of an assessment process. Well at least that’s what the initial 4 a sessions were for me. I thought, what’s the point of having 4 sessions, but at the end of them they decide the best way forward for treatment. Unfortunately that can mean another waiting list but you should be given a care coordinator who will be your point of contact and keep in touch with you with appointments to see how you are. I hope this is the case for you and that they are able to offer the support that you need. It is a very very long process. I have been under the mental health team now for 18 months and I’m still on the waiting list for psychotherapy, although I wasn’t placed on the list until I managed to get my medication misuse under more control. They have some very strict rulings about criteria for treatment.
We will always be here for you whenever you need. Sending hugs. Xx

thanks for this he did not really explain it that fully just that we would have 3 more sessions each monday at 1 then they would decide what would be best and if i need help i had bisions of them throwing me off i think i have all my hopes on the hospital and surgery when i get my appointment that if i come out of that still with face issues i will probably be back where i was in November when i scared myself into asking for therapy and coming here to get help

 

[Holding my breath]

I had a similar experience in that they are terrible at explaining the system or what to expect. They assume we ‘know’, when actually we have absolutely no idea What’s going on, which makes it feel very tenuous in terms of support. If yours is the same as mine, the 4 sessions follow a formula but they also held a meeting each week to discuss my case. The chap I saw, fed back what had been discussed and then the multidisciplinary group decided on what would be covered the following week. At the end of the 4 sessions, they then decided the best way forward, whether that be discharge or acceptance into the service.
I know it’s not ideal but it is the way they do the screening I guess. I really hope that you get accepted in and they are able to provide you with some support. Be honest with them. I did not hide any of my thoughts and feelings from them, I told them exactly what I wanted to do and what I had done. Hospitalisation was never mentioned. That is only an absolute last resort, even when I told them how likely I was to do it 8/10 they just went through the usual list of safety checks. Let us know how it goes. Xx

 

[MAC0]

Thats what he called it the multidisciplinary group

i was honest talked about my dad an my nervous issue to where i am now with my issue and how i go from being ok to as i call it manic depressed and worried by one look in a mirror at anytime then feel fine at another time and how that can make me feel like ending things

i even told them that i ordered some pills on the dark web they never came but its what got me to reach out for help

my worries about the op not helping me look ok so i can go out and get a better job if something happens to mum i am going to go into more next monday as i felt he just tried to push that to the side in favour of the idea i should go out

maybe my talking with Samaritans a bit as some of them seem to only care if your trying to end your life at that point in time and not that you have degrees of depression

 

[Holding my breath]

Samaritans are very hit and miss. I have spoken to some lovely people and had a couple who didn’t really get it. Although my experience has been more positive than not with them.
You could also mention that you are on a suicide forum. They really don’t like it when you tell them that. They have such a bad reputation that they think you are going to be pushed into going through with it through peer pressure.
You won’t know the outcome until your last session but hopefully they will put something in place for you. It’s not an instant doorway to immediate help or feeling better but it is at least a start. I’ve been under their service for about 18 months now. I have made progress but still have some way to go.
Keep fighting and know you can come here and talk any time. Xx

 

[MAC0]

Yea its funny during my first assessment to get on the first waiting list of 20 plus weeks i mentioned here but she seemed to know about it some Samaritans do and others dont and react like you said

main worry is if i am right and i come out of surgery still looking disfigured his question of what i want from it is harder to answer as at that point for me i have no future as i cannot see me getting a job that would pay are rent

 

[MAC0]

Btw did they ask you why you did not go through with suicide told them the truth I brought the means but not finding a painless way kept me from doing it

 

[Holding my breath]

Yes, I was asked ‘what stopped you’. In my case it was the police on one occasion, a member of the public on another as well as the thought of my kids.

 

[MAC0]

For me telling it was not finding a painless way to do it i worried they might take that as i would not do it no matter how down i got

 

[Holding my breath]

They try to find what they call your protective factor. For me it’s my kids. For you it could be your mum. When I get into that tunnel visioned frame of mind, if someone reminds me of my kids it helps to snap me out of it, brings me around back to the now, rather than being trapped in my head.
They do have a duty of care which means that they have to be satisfied that you will be able to keep yourself safe between appointments. So they will assess your risk level which will depend on how you answer various questions.
As to how they will interpret you saying you didn’t do it because you couldn’t find a painless way, I am not sure. It’s the truth and I think that is all you can say.
Do you have a date for your operation, or on a waiting list for one? Have you discussed your fears with the consultant? Sorry. I haven’t followed your story. You may have said this in other posts.

 

[MAC0]

I was reffered to a hospital 20 miles away they sent me a letter saying they will contact me this was last month its says if we dont contact you by the 5th of Augus ring this other number meanwhile i am here scared because of well a list

1 never had an operation before
2 getting home after it being 20 miles away dont drive or have anyone that does and my travel sickness will be an issue
3 as i have not had that first appointment with the consultant to make plans my mind is running with well i look really bad so i must be at the point where they cannot help me or they can but not fully - basically every bad outcome

I keep telling myself as he did yesterday i mean i can live with how it is now if i had the cash to pay rent and food and stuff so what ever the outcome there is still hope

really feel i could need the therapy way more after my treatment than i do now

 

[Holding my breath]

Unfortunately the waiting list for any procedure is long at the moment. This ‘ring if you haven’t heard’ is new. I had one and eventually rang to be told that I was on the waiting list. Waiting is not easy, especially for something which is so fundamental to your mental health.

Having an operation is not ideal but if the aim is to make things easier, better, less painful etc then they are worth going through. I’ve had too many to count and I always feel in very safe hands. You will be looked after.

What can you do to try to help with your travel sickness? Perhaps ask at a pharmacy if there is anything that might help.

It might help if you wrote down what you would like to be the outcome of the operation. What would make it acceptable for you? Then you will be prepared for when you do see the consultant. Focus on the positive changes. I know how easy it is for your mind to go down every other route possible. It’s because this is important to you. Try to accept that your anxiety is understandable, it’s ok to feel the emotion. The height of the emotion won’t last forever, it just needs time for that wave of intensity to pass, which it will. It might also be worth asking yourself, why do you think that what you look like will prevent you from having a job? That seems very discriminatory to me. I work with a vocational specialist who has worked with me to be able to manage my job, she also helps people to find alternative work. Might be worth considering? As she repeatedly tells me, there are always options to consider.
Sending hugs. Xx

 

[MAC0]

Its funny on travel sickness i used to take these pink pills as a kid when the school took us out on trips but all those things did was make me worse so stayed away from meds since but will check it out

i do have a list of questions to ask them as i know my emotions will be a mess that day stuff like is there any travel they offer to get me home after the op and general stuff about what i will look like after and if they can put me out to do it

the future work thing is i am trained to work in shops maybe its more me how i would feel with people staring i have zero confidence with my nerves issue this just sets me into overdrive