my heart hurts so bad right now. I know she is not gone yet, but I know its any time now. The last time I lost anyone close to me was about five years ago when I love my beautiful grandma so I miss so much. Now for the first time I am about to loose one of the sweetest friends I have ever had. The many times especially lately the talks we would have. So many times she would come to me and say I just need someone who understands. It was a special kind of friendship. I understood her and she understood me. We talked about feeling like a burden to out families and talked each other "off the ledge" several times. I never forget after the last rejection she looked at me and said im sorry I know all this is hard. She said to me several times when do you know its time to just quit fighting. Well I guess she decided now is her time. she worked until she could hardly talk. She decided it was time. My heart is so broken. I know she is going to no longer be in pain and suffering, its just hard to realized that this is happening. I think part of this being so hard is I feel like I am grieving alone. I know I have all of you here and for that I am very thankful. I just wish I had a family member or someone to call and cry with. Or to sit together and cry together instead here I am alone. This pain of loosing this friend yes she may still be here, but I cant see her like that anymore. It tears mine to pieces. This pain on top of the rest of the pain is too much. Its just all too much. I cant say goodbye yet i cant. I am pretty much loosing my main supporter. Her hugs so comforting.
