So... I really don't know

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by scarlettdrknss, Dec 13, 2012.

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  1. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    Hey :)

    I've been diagnosed with depression for a year or so, have been having issues for a while earlier than that but it was all easy enough to handle, yeah. i kept my grades average and met with friends and what not, went out and i could do it all without much of a problem, cuz i wanted to hide it. but it's getting worse. like, when i sit down to do hw, i start to freak out. it's like my mind just shuts down and protests and something is screaming at me that i can't do it. so before that feeling affects me too much, i just distract myself with something else. sometimes i manage to fihgt that feeling and do my homework, but then i feel empty and as if i'm watching myself doing it as if it wasn't my brain. lately it's not just hw though, now it's also exams and chores around the house, a lot of things.
    not to mention that i'm getting more suicidal again and don't even want to leave the house. i talk much less and i tend to end up doing nothing the whole day, or i just watch tv/movies or read and then i feel like a failure and a waste of time and space. that's the usual though. what's new is that i'm always cold and tired. right now i'm sitting in a hoodie and jacket in my room with the heater on pretty high and i'm still shivering. and i could sleep the whole day. even though i actually hate falling asleep.
    and i'm crying a hell lot too. i used to like never cry. a few years ago even when i felt so bad that i wanted to cry to let it out, i just couldn't. i was so used to smiling. now, any kind of extreme emotion make me cry and i end up crying like every day, even if it's at night in bed.
    and i had also finally decided i wanted to stop cutting. but the cuts after that just got deeper. my cuts never used to be deep.
    and my regular headaches that i had when i was younger are coming back.
    and i'm just kind of freaking out. i go to a therapist about twice in a month but he thinks i'm smart and am able to control my thoughts and everything. but i have a feeling i'm losing it all.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are smart hun and you need to tell your therapist you are not coping you NEED help as your thoughts are not in control Be open with your doctor ok hun get on meds if you have to just for awhile to help you with all the stress hun. You need help hun use whatever supports you can ok at school ect to help you.
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