so... I'm definitely borderline. fucking great.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by lostbutnotfound, Dec 2, 2011.

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  1. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    So...

    I was told I had traits of Borderline a couple years ago, and a couple of times I was told I had it, but I brushed it under the carpet, dismissed it as nonsense. I didn't want to have it, so I turned a blind eye. Today I was shown every assessment that has been done on me in the past few years and alongside bipolar, anxiety and PTSD, the other consistent diagnosis is BPD. Why no one could be fucked to sit me down and talk me through it properly is beyond me, though I was probably partially at fault, because I was so reluctant of being labelled.

    Part of my reluctance was due to the fact that borderlines have a very harsh public perception. I've read posts on here warning people about being involved (either in a friendship or romantically) with a borderline, and I didn't want to be THAT person. I hate myself enough, without facing the judgements of peoples views of borderline.

    Anyway.. so yes. Now it's completely official, I can't exactly dismiss tens of assessments about me.. but I'm pretty upset. I've read up on borderline, and the prognosis really isn't good.

    What is the point in continuing when I have something that can't be cured? When I feel so suicidal already.. this really is the tip of the iceberg. People I've talked to about this don't really understand.. I guess I don't expect them to, but for me this isn't just a diagnosis.. this is another thing in a long list of what is wrong with me. I've been told just not to tell people I'm borderline.. so what people can think I'm a complete bitch instead when I react in typical borderline ways?

    Just.. fuck it. This is the icing on the cake. I'm pleased I already have the method and date at hand, makes things easier right now.

    Fuck it all.
     
  2. AlopexAngel

    AlopexAngel Chat Buddy

    Have you tried DBT? It's supposed to be really useful in regulating BPD moods and reactions. It's worth a try. I have a workbook I could send you.
     
  3. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Read Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery From Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland. People have recovered from it before, or at least learned to live around it. I have it and I have a husband. I was honest with him about having it since he first met me and he's stuck around. No doubt it's hard learning to accept it and live with it, but it is possible. Also, you haven't changed as a person since you found out about the diagnosis. So why kill yourself now? You've lived with it for a while without knowing about it and managed.
     
  4. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    I'm not killing myself over a diagnosis.. it was because of everything that has been happening in my life in the past few weeks, and even right this minute, and the diagnosis is the tip of the iceberg. I hated myself with a passion before the BPD diagnosis, what I'm saying is that this doesn't help matters lol.

    Anyway. Thanks for the replies.
     
  5. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I just wish that the diagnosis wouldn't be a factor to you at ALL is what I was trying to say. All it is, is a label. You're still the same person you were. If you wish to share what exactly is wrong, I'll listen and try to help.
     
  6. daisyhope

    daisyhope Active Member

    Hey if it helps, i recently (last month) have been given the same diagnoses. Its been mentioned about me in the past but like you i ignored it for similar reasons and a few others. Im relatively new to this site but if you want to talk thru this bpd thing then im happy to chat.
     
  7. tiggersafire

    tiggersafire Well-Known Member

    I had BPD.. Keyword being had. I was diagnosed at age 16. I'm 18 now, and fully recovered from BPD. It gets better.
     
  8. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    tiggersafire.. hey. thanks for the response. I have to say, I'm kinda.. well.. confused about your post. Personality disorders aren't actually able to be diagnosed until a person is 18, because under 18 it is classed as the personality is still developing. At 15 I was noted as 'probably having BPD' but a diagnosis was unable to be made for atleast 3 years due to my age, and the fact personality can change, grow, and develop until it reaches maturity at 18. Also, BPD isn't something that is curable within a couple of years. Even with therapy involved, if someone is actually classed as not having enough traits as to be classed as a BPD sufferer anymore, it takes many years for someone to get to that stage. Aside from that, only some people ever recover from BPD. I'm not dismissing your post, it's just that I have read up a lot on BPD and it's prognosis and diagnosis, and have found these facts out.

    Anyway.. as I said, thanks for your post, I hope you're well.
     
  9. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    hey please stick around hun..you helped me through my latest crisis and i selfishly want you to stay..
    with all you have to endure you are still able to help others ..:hug:
     
  10. tiggersafire

    tiggersafire Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean, I know all those facts too. I am now diagnosed with Schizoaffective, so I think maybe I was misdiagnosed, although at age 16 I really did fit almost all the symptoms perfectly.
     
  11. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Hey Donna,

    I have only just seen this post now. I don't have BPD and I know it is a very stigmatised diagnosis but from what I have seen from others experiences people tend to manage well with it. It is not an end of the world diagnosis and with the right treatment mix it can be controlled well :hug:
     
  12. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    I've talked to 2 psychiatrists, my mental health workers, I've been given access to BPD service user websites, and also what my mental health workers have used, I've read up on many peoples experiences with it, and talked to many professionals about what their ideas are in regards to it. The general consensus is that it is a very difficult thing to a) have in the first place, b) treat (because of the longevity of it, and the actual symptoms of BPD), and c) overcome. So while I understand that some people may manage it fairly well, I have talked to/read about/talked about people who have BPD, and a lot of sufferers don't manage it well at all. I would write down some statistics, but I'm not in a good place and trawling through the BPD website isn't something I'm up to at the moment. Meds won't really work with BPD, meds are usually given for any mental illnesses that people have alongside the BPD. The most effective treatment (which some people don't even respond to in any case) is therapy. And long term therapy at that. Not only that, as I've said, I also have numerous other diagnosis' which are entwined with the BPD, so it's a lot more complex than average anyway. I wasn't saying that it is an end of the world diagnosis in itself, but it's hit me hard due to social perception of BPD, talking to professionals/sufferers, and because of everything else I have going on.

    Thanks for your response :hug:
     
  13. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I understand it must be difficult for you. I myself would be extremely upset at the diagnosis but as with anything with mental illness, when we are suffering we tend to only focus on the down sides instead of the positives. Yes it is extremely difficult to treat and manage but it doesn't mean it is not possible. I know you have a lot going on right now hun and I know that doesn't help with having the diagnosis of BPD. My brain is a bit fuzzy at the moment, there is so much more I want to say but can't put it into words but just know that you have plenty of support here, we love you here and I care about you dearly. Keep reaching out :hug:
     
  14. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Hi,

    I think you seem to have a good grasp on things here, your self and your health, self-education and seeking help/treatment. So, I would say you're off to a great start and have a good strong willed approach. However, if I could just add a couple of unprofessional thoughts: when you first get a diagnosis such as this, it's easy to become overwhelmed and fixated on the symptoms, especially the more you study and learn of the disorder. But it can be damaging once it gets beyond a certain point. Because we have a tendency to give up, lose hope and/or begin to both consciously & unconsciously "play the part" of the condition, or new role so to speak. Each individual is unique. In other words, every single catastrophe you encounter in the literature is not going to be something that you encounter and have to deal with. Plus, as you said there's the public perception as well as that of our friends and family. Which can be both devastating and detrimental to our own road to recovery. This is why it is so often advised to keep this knowledge private, at least until you've got some confidence in what you're going through which will come through experience and successful professional treatment. The problem with being too open & disclosing this to too many people is that it can create a label, and in a way an identity for you, which may or may not be accurate. In addition to that, many people have strong prejudices against mental illness in general, let alone a personality disorder they couldn't begin to understand. But that's just my ridiculous opinion! I don't know anything, so don't listen to me if you don'twant to, or at the very least take what I say with a grain of salt, consider the source as they say! But for you, I wish the very best in the immediate and long term future. Be well!
     
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