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Social anxiety disorder and being a social reject

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Aquariusrising, Jun 25, 2016.

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  1. Aquariusrising

    Aquariusrising Active Member

    Abuse in my past and a sheltered childhood destroyed me. I am home 24/7 and only go out to go supermarket shopping with my abusive mother and the doctor and that is it.
    I don't know how to be normal to drive, live, work or be normal. I have tried a little and even online dating for years can't get a date and only ignored messages. I am so sad, lost and I feel like a prisoner.
    I was under abuse at high school and that has wrecked me up a lot as well. I feel not worth anything.
    I can't make friends or have ever had a "real" friend. People just don't like me. I have tried online too, I am myself, I am nice and kind but they aren't interested. People are different towards me then others. I have always been "different". I grew up differently and have been the target of abuse by everyone I come into contact with. I have never had a boyfriend or been asked out. I had 2 friends when i was 9-13 but they used me for entertainment and even bullied me. Even their families took advantage of my family. It is a long story. My doctor is terrible towards me as well. I have never had any people be nice to me my entire life. I am 25 next year. I feel so worthless and wosh to die. It is so bad that if i died if i lived alone, My body wouldn't be found. At home it would be my mother but she wouldn't shed a tear.
    I have honestly tried. I even tried church as a christian, gave my number, even at school. Not a single person texted me. What is so wrong with me to be hated by everyone i come into contact with. I have been mistreated by counsellors and social workers as well. I have been a victim for countless attacks. I am fed up and am tired being a polite and caring person! I have had verbal abuse in public to add to thr list!

    i am on socialanxietysupport.com on the forum. Same username with some of my story in my posts
    Thauoy likes this.
  2. Lucy0

    Lucy0 Active Member

    Sometimes being too nice is a problem. People will use it to take advantage of you and hurt you. Even knowing this I am still too nice. I've learned to stand up when people are saying something that is wrong. When people are being deliberately disrespectful towards others you're allowed to use your voice and throw it right back, especially for yourself. As for church, not all christians are as good as they say they are. Maybe they aren't the best group to try. Unless maybe you tried another church idk. Do you live on your own now? And have you tried seeing a better counselor?
    Thauoy likes this.
  3. Thauoy

    Thauoy Well-Known Member

    Hi Aquarius, I really feel sorry for your situation. Your situation is much similar to me , the only difference is that I am a male. Also , people severely misunderstood me. Don't know much how to console or advice you. Just think someone does really care about the hurt you feel and understand your pain. You are important and please be safe. Take care.
  4. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I am sorry that people are so mean to you. What about going to a different doctor? Do you have a job or go to school? What about support groups?
  5. beatdown

    beatdown Well-Known Member

    I can relate well to you. Im so sorry for your pain. Like you I feel Ive always been mistreated from all kinds of people and sources. I come from a very dysfunctional family and have mental suffering on both my parents sides. I know how it is to feel youre different and always get treated as someone lesser then everyone else. It sends one to the point of despair.

    However, Im sure if you try to relax and maybe do some meditation, you can find the way to help yourself and get what you need. Maybe you need a good therapist or some sort of councelor to listen to you. Maybe you need to find resources, books, that you think suit your situation and which can help show the way to go. Your mind may be full of thoughts and impulses racing around but if you sit in silence and search for clarity you can find wise choices about what to do.

    Also have self empathy for yourself, even if it at first feels impossible. To me it seems certain you come from a very 'dysfunctional' (to summon up any kind of abuse/mistreatment/manipulation etc) and you carry these painful, significant inner wounds, which have buried your real self, the person you would be if youd gotten the nurturance you and any person need.

    You CAN find your way and heal. You may not be able to see any positive moments and a good future now, but if you slowly work towards focus and finding the path, you will get there. Im rooting for you.

    Every person has tremendous inner strength but you may need to search to find it. It wants to be found, and as soon as you accept this part of you, you will look for and find it. You can get through this, you really can.
  6. Aquariusrising

    Aquariusrising Active Member

    I don't feel worth anything good most of the time. I hate myself so much. Everything is too hard and I am on my own. I am seeing a Psych now but I don't want to go it is a waste of time. Doesn't make me worthwhile anyway
  7. ghostangelcake7

    ghostangelcake7 Well-Known Member

    I used to be an active member of SAS..

    I have been treated HORRIBLY by all sorts of people up to this point, and I just want to push a reset button and not know cruelty like I have in this earth time, as who I am. I was bullied while being treated like crap and verbally assaulted by my "mother", and then ironically got involved with the worst of them all.

    I keep forgetting that I have also encountered alot of kind and helpful ones too..but it's so easy to focus on the bad for me...because I'm always picked on and treated like I have no feelings.
    If there was a usb drive of my conscious memory bank that could be played like a movie for people to see how my life's been, through my eyes...people would really understand why I am how I am, and have become so reclusive and private...I can't trust people WON'T hurt me in some way. I am very sensitive to boot...
    Thauoy likes this.
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