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social anxiety's back in full force

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Paisley, Feb 6, 2018.

  1. Paisley

    Paisley a pattern made of minty teardrops SF Supporter

    Some context: I've had a place to live for about a month now, before that I was homeless and staying at a psych ward in a hospital. Only last month I was approved for social assistance. People make me nervous and it takes courage to go outside for any reason.

    The story: I was walking to a dollar store. Beside the entrance there was a lady sitting on a bench. She asked me if I could spare any change. I told her sorry, no, I didn't have any on me. Then she asked if I could go with her to buy her some food. Again I said I'm sorry, then kept walking to the door and she yelled out at me "But you're going to the dollar store!" so I yelled back "I'm poor myself!" and she replied "I'm poor too!" I went inside to shop, and when I came back out she was still there. I started crying on the walk back to my apartment. Obviously I'm not mad at her, but the whole exchange definitely made my self-hatred flare up, and now I'm just trying to calm down again. I can't study when I'm like this.
     
  2. Karmitkurmit

    Karmitkurmit King of the Hedge SF Pro SF Supporter

    Hi paisley. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this.

    I don't know you're full story but to be homeless must have been incredibly tough. I'm so glad you've got you're own roof over your head now and have access to an outlet like this site.

    I'm no expert, but I would suggest this woman is just lashing out at whoever will listen. She's venting her anguish, and i'm sure you can empathise with her; but it isn't your fault or responsibilty and it sounds like you handled it as best you could under the circumstances.

    Please don't hate yourself; you probably know by now that this family here loves you unconditionaly. you're important to us. I'm not very good at advice but I'm here if you want to chat or vent.

    What are you studying?

    I hope you can find a smile today. {{hedgehugs}} to you. x
     
    Paisley and gypsylee like this.
  3. gypsylee

    gypsylee SF Supporter

    Hi @Paisley

    I suffer social anxiety too and I can understand you being upset by this. Sometimes it takes all our resources to go out in public and to be confronted like that is just too much. That woman was overstepping her boundaries and being disrespectful because you made it clear (in a polite way) that you didn’t want to go to the store with her. So I totally know where you’re coming from and it’s likely I’d cry from the stress as well. I’d be angry at her though. You did the best you could and as I say, she kept pushing beyond what is acceptable.

    Try and find something to get your mind off it. I often turn to music to change my mood — I’ll go for something that fits with how I feel and gradually move on to stuff that makes me feel differently. It’s a cathartic process, I like to call it. Music is a big thing for me though and you might have other things that help your state of mind.

    I’m glad you have somewhere to live now and this forum for support :)
     
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  4. Paisley

    Paisley a pattern made of minty teardrops SF Supporter

    Thank you for the well wishes. I'm finishing up highschool and am taking the last two courses I need for my diploma, both of which I put off because they're hard ones for me haha.
     
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  5. Paisley

    Paisley a pattern made of minty teardrops SF Supporter

    I appreciate the advice a ton, I'll make sure to keep it in mind and try it next time! I ended up drawing a bit and that helped my frame of mind.
     
    Karmitkurmit likes this.
  6. Innocent Forever

    Innocent Forever Go as long as you can. And then take another step. Chat Pro SF Supporter

    Sending loadsa hugs your way
     
    Paisley likes this.
  7. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

    This lady may or may not have wanted that change for something other than food. I can't tell you how many times I've come across people like that who sit in one single spot all day long, and try to gather up enough money to get a fix for whatever addiction they have. It also happens that these types of people are in fact in need food as well, but only because the money they do get from people all goes toward drugs. I personally have no sympathy of any kind when this is the case. As an addict myself, though, I can usually tell the difference between an addict and a homeless person, trying their best to get by. From my experience however, when they yell things like that at you to try to make you feel guilty, that's usually going to be a manipulative person, which addicts do tend to be.
     
  8. Paisley

    Paisley a pattern made of minty teardrops SF Supporter

    Okay so you don't think that I did anything out of bounds to warrant being yelled at, that's good, I'm relieved. I have a hard time discerning if my behaviour in social interactions is normal or not.
     
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  9. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

    Absolutely not. In fact, I had a similar experience today. I was on the bus with this incredibly loud and obnoxious moron, and her just as loud and obnoxious friend. The one asked me for a cigarette; I said no. Her friend said, "Don't bother. They won't give anything up." Fucking right, I won't. I bought my shit. I earned my shit. That's why I can use that shit when I please, how I please, as much as I please, while you have jack shit. Get a fucking job, sell some drugs, get a loan off someone; I, frankly, don't give much of a fuck. Hell, even prostitutes earn their money. Though, having taken a look at her, I don't think that one is an option. Nevertheless, if you want to smoke, find your own means to do so. But don't expect me to hand you free cigarettes just because your dumb ass feels entitled to it. In my opinion, people like you aren't even entitled to be pissed on if they were on fire. I can't stand fucking freeloaders who just expect shit to be handed to them.
     
  10. gypsylee

    gypsylee SF Supporter

    I was in social anxiety mode the other day and thought about you and your experience, @Paisley. I become very focused on getting in and out of places as fast as I can and the last thing I need is obnoxious people getting in my face. The ones I hate are those charities that stand in the middle of the shopping mall and go “excuse me ma’am..” and then make you feel bad for saying “sorry, no thank you” and walking off. That should definitely be banned.
     
  11. Paisley

    Paisley a pattern made of minty teardrops SF Supporter

    It makes me feel better about my reaction that people are relating to my story. Usually I just keep walking by those booths, but yeah once they start talking to you it definitely puts you on the spot. Even poor people have to shop and I wish they'd be more forgiving when people can't donate. I would if I could.
     
    Innocent Forever and gypsylee like this.